How to deal with Subdrop?

boyJay · Jan 14, 2013

Iâ€™d really appreciate any help anyone can give in dealing/coping with the emotional side subdrop. What coping mechanisms have you found useful? I know one that I have to do more of is talk to my Master. Any other suggestions are happily taken.

More info:
Iâ€™m still very inexperienced at BDSM. I've been in training as a slave for 2 months now. Iâ€™m enjoying every aspect of BDSM except one, subdrop; specifically, the emotional and mental aspects. I have a truly amazing Master. The aftercare that he provides is wonderful. He really helps with all the physical aspects of subdrop. However, the emotional side doesn't kick in till about 36-48 hours later for me. By that time, I am away from Master, usually at work. I can still talk to him, but we work different shifts. I know if I needed him, he would make time for me. I would really like to find some coping mechanisms of my own to help deal with this, so I donâ€™t have to feel like a burden on Master.

Thank You

sebastian · Jan 14, 2013

To fill in the details a little--boyJay works second shift, and thus during the week is not free after 3pm, while I am basically not free before 3pm during the week. So, with occasional exceptions, we can only be together on Sat and Sun. Since his sub drop tends to kick in after two days apart, he tends to get it late Tues or Wed, when I can't be with him. So any suggestions people have about self-care would be appreciated.

Becky Brown · Jan 14, 2013

Sebastian, are You able to call boyJay during the day at times and check in on him?

boyJay, I find that My submissives do best when they do things they love. So boyJay, what do You love? May it be reading a book that you've been wanting to read but putting off, a fine cigar, your favorite foods, your family, something that makes you happy! Put off all the things that normally bring you down i.e housework, bills at least for a day. Relax and find comfort in the things you love.

subarama30 · Jan 14, 2013

Hi boyJay, it is hard if you can't have personal contact with your Master when you go through this. I think it can be harder to deal with your emotions when you are starting out and are still discovering what works for you, though I know some people always have some kind of drop.

I tend to get more of a high but my lows come, usually if I want more of the same and life gets in the way. Then I get withdrawels-like symptoms when there are cravings that can't be satisfied but that's just my personality. I'm kinda obsessive about things, even bdsm at times. It isn't healthy but I deal.

I agree with Becky that maybe just try to keep yourself distracted until you can talk with Sebastian again. Once you've been in the life longer you might find that you don't get such low periods.

Sorry couldn't be more help.

sebastian · Jan 14, 2013

Becky: Yeah, I've been thinking about some phone time. I have some moments during my workday when I can call him, but I'm not sure he has much time during his work day to take a call. We do some texting though.

Smallest · Jan 14, 2013

Just a quick thing, I'll have to think of more things once Tall's home, we lived a couple hours apart and not always on the same schedule for a long time, so the week after a meeting was hard on us too.

Other than phone time, what about emails? They're a good way to distract yourself, and you can write just a short note, or paragraphs and paragraphs about how you feel, and you'll know Sebby gets them as soon as he can (I imagine he can check computers fairly often at work), even when he can't immediately send a proper response. That way you have an outlet for your feelings, you get to 'talk to' Sebastian when he can't necessarily be with you or talk in person, and emails can easily be sent and received in the time when one of you is working and the other isn't. So, Jay could send an email like I described before/after work, and while he is working, Sebby can reply in the empty space he has. It also gives Jay something to look forward to for when he gets home from work, even if he can't talk to you, which might make that part of the day a bit easier to get through- and hopefully Sebastian's response would make the time off easier, and then Jay could, as described above, exercise, do things he likes, etc.

sebastian · Jan 15, 2013

He was just telling me tonight--by text--that he's realizing that not exercising might be a contributing factor. When he exercises, he get some endorphin bump from it, so I'm going to make sure he remembers to work out the day after we play.

Becky Brown · Jan 15, 2013

Sebastian, Exercise sounds like a great idea. Really surprised I hadn't thought of that earlier! The endorphins will hopefully push him through the sub drop. Hoping for the best for the two of You.

boyJay · Jan 15, 2013

Thank you all for the advice, I really appreciate your help.
I've found a few things that help

1) Is talking through it with Master. It helps me feel connected to him, even if it is only through text messages. I also have been listening to music that I know he likes.

2) Is chocolate. It seems that something a little indulgent really helps.

3) Exercise helps a ton to push me over the hump to get over it.

It also really helps to have this forum to talk it out in. I don't know any other slaves in my area, so this forum is a is a lifesaver.

sebastian · Jan 15, 2013

boyJay said:
It also really helps to have this forum to talk it out in. I don't know any other slaves in my area, so this forum is a is a lifesaver.

Yes, finding social support is important. I need to make contact with other subs so he has people he knows who can help support and guide him socially.

How to deal with Subdrop?

boyJay

New Member

sebastian

Active Member

Becky Brown

New Member

subarama30

Member

sebastian

Active Member

Smallest

Moderator

sebastian

Active Member

Becky Brown

New Member

boyJay

New Member

sebastian

Active Member

Similar threads