How to deal with Subdrop?

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by boyJay, Jan 14, 2013.

  1. boyJay

    boyJay New Member

    I’d really appreciate any help anyone can give in dealing/coping with the emotional side subdrop. What coping mechanisms have you found useful? I know one that I have to do more of is talk to my Master. Any other suggestions are happily taken.

    More info:
    I’m still very inexperienced at BDSM. I've been in training as a slave for 2 months now. I’m enjoying every aspect of BDSM except one, subdrop; specifically, the emotional and mental aspects. I have a truly amazing Master. The aftercare that he provides is wonderful. He really helps with all the physical aspects of subdrop. However, the emotional side doesn't kick in till about 36-48 hours later for me. By that time, I am away from Master, usually at work. I can still talk to him, but we work different shifts. I know if I needed him, he would make time for me. I would really like to find some coping mechanisms of my own to help deal with this, so I don’t have to feel like a burden on Master.

    Thank You
  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    To fill in the details a little--boyJay works second shift, and thus during the week is not free after 3pm, while I am basically not free before 3pm during the week. So, with occasional exceptions, we can only be together on Sat and Sun. Since his sub drop tends to kick in after two days apart, he tends to get it late Tues or Wed, when I can't be with him. So any suggestions people have about self-care would be appreciated.
  3. Becky Brown

    Becky Brown New Member

    Sebastian, are You able to call boyJay during the day at times and check in on him?

    boyJay, I find that My submissives do best when they do things they love. So boyJay, what do You love? May it be reading a book that you've been wanting to read but putting off, a fine cigar, your favorite foods, your family, something that makes you happy! Put off all the things that normally bring you down i.e housework, bills at least for a day. Relax and find comfort in the things you love.
  4. subarama30

    subarama30 Member

    Hi boyJay, it is hard if you can't have personal contact with your Master when you go through this. I think it can be harder to deal with your emotions when you are starting out and are still discovering what works for you, though I know some people always have some kind of drop.

    I tend to get more of a high but my lows come, usually if I want more of the same and life gets in the way. Then I get withdrawels-like symptoms when there are cravings that can't be satisfied but that's just my personality. I'm kinda obsessive about things, even bdsm at times. It isn't healthy but I deal.

    I agree with Becky that maybe just try to keep yourself distracted until you can talk with Sebastian again. Once you've been in the life longer you might find that you don't get such low periods.

    Sorry couldn't be more help.
  5. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Becky: Yeah, I've been thinking about some phone time. I have some moments during my workday when I can call him, but I'm not sure he has much time during his work day to take a call. We do some texting though.
  6. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    Just a quick thing, I'll have to think of more things once Tall's home, we lived a couple hours apart and not always on the same schedule for a long time, so the week after a meeting was hard on us too.

    Other than phone time, what about emails? They're a good way to distract yourself, and you can write just a short note, or paragraphs and paragraphs about how you feel, and you'll know Sebby gets them as soon as he can (I imagine he can check computers fairly often at work), even when he can't immediately send a proper response. That way you have an outlet for your feelings, you get to 'talk to' Sebastian when he can't necessarily be with you or talk in person, and emails can easily be sent and received in the time when one of you is working and the other isn't. So, Jay could send an email like I described before/after work, and while he is working, Sebby can reply in the empty space he has. It also gives Jay something to look forward to for when he gets home from work, even if he can't talk to you, which might make that part of the day a bit easier to get through- and hopefully Sebastian's response would make the time off easier, and then Jay could, as described above, exercise, do things he likes, etc.
  7. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    He was just telling me tonight--by text--that he's realizing that not exercising might be a contributing factor. When he exercises, he get some endorphin bump from it, so I'm going to make sure he remembers to work out the day after we play.
  8. Becky Brown

    Becky Brown New Member

    Sebastian, Exercise sounds like a great idea. Really surprised I hadn't thought of that earlier! The endorphins will hopefully push him through the sub drop. Hoping for the best for the two of You.
  9. boyJay

    boyJay New Member

    Thank you all for the advice, I really appreciate your help.
    I've found a few things that help
    1) Is talking through it with Master. It helps me feel connected to him, even if it is only through text messages. I also have been listening to music that I know he likes.​
    2) Is chocolate. It seems that something a little indulgent really helps.​
    3) Exercise helps a ton to push me over the hump to get over it. ​

    It also really helps to have this forum to talk it out in. I don't know any other slaves in my area, so this forum is a is a lifesaver.
  10. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Yes, finding social support is important. I need to make contact with other subs so he has people he knows who can help support and guide him socially.
  11. darknova42

    darknova42 Member

    Since its basically endorphin withdrawals causing this I think it would be a good idea to treat it as if it were the withdrawal effects from addictive medication or other substances.

    The worst withdrawals come from going "cold turkey". Suddenly cutting yourself off from the substance causes a relatively severe imbalance in the brain. The best way to end any addiction is to lessen the dosage incrementally. This causes the brain to slowly get used to lower levels of the substance and lessens withdrawal symptoms.

    Since we're talking about subdrop that happens after bdsm play I'll assume you don't want to quit sebastian at all. So the goal should be to slow the rate in which the endorphins from play wear off.

    Chocolate and exorcizing are actually really good ideas. Both chocolate and increased physical activity release endorphins in the brain. However these would be more like really small doses compared to the dose you get from play.

    So my suggestion is simple. Get another lesser dose of sebastian. Sebastian can order you to do something preferably sexually stimulating along the lines of what you do when you play. He can order you to do it the next day 24 hours after so you aren't at the peak of your withdrawals.

    Long distance subs are dominated by someone who isn't actually present. True you're not exactly long distance but you're still apart from one another. So try using some of their 'tactics'.
  12. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Darknova: that's an interesting thought. I'm not sure that subdrop is always biochemical. Clearly endorphins are an important component. But I think some of it is purely psychological. That's why some doms get domdrop.

    I have been assuming that boyJay's subdrop was basically psychological. But you may be right that part of it is endorphin-related. I will have to think about ways to address that side of it.
  13. darknova42

    darknova42 Member

    It seemed you were handling the psychological aspect of subdrop properly, so that didn't seem to be the issue.

    What made me think it might be endorphin related was his mentioning that chocolate and physical activity helped. The 'women love chocolate' stereotype is because of the endorphins chocolate makes the brain release when its consumed.
    Also, theres such a thing as a "runner's high" which is also endorphin related.

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