How to Approach a Local Kink Club??

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by InnocentFacade, Dec 17, 2009.


  1. Okay, so I was going through some old posts this morning, and saw some stuff about the Pride festivities this summer (how did those go, btw?). Several people were made aware of local kinksters, and it got me thinking. I live in a relatively major city. And I KNOW we have kinksters with the people I see in the sex shops when I visit.

    SO, I googled, and behold! There's an extremely active "Kink Society" right in my back yard! They even have a 4,500 freakin square foot dungeon/play place!!!!!!! (Sorry, I'm just a wee bit excited!) I creeped around the website for a little while, admittedly getting very worked up, and saw that they have twice-monthly very casual "meet and mingle" sort of deals just to socialize and greet new potential members, and one is coming up the Monday after Christmas. The website says they're super open to everyone (of legal age obviously) and have members of all shapes, sizes, ages, colors, kinks and sexual orientation.

    They're having the next meeting at a very familiar restaurant in a nice(ish) part of town. Now, I know I should just bold and sign up and introduce myself . . . but I can't help feeling like I would just shrivel up and die! I don't have anyone locally that's willing to go with me- I've asked several :( Any suggestions as to how to approach this? I thought of lurking in the shadows and eavesdropping . . . but then I realized how ridiculously childish and downright creepy that would be.

  2. ReallyGreen

    ReallyGreen Member

    The restaurant 'Munch' will be very casual, no costumes, no playing, no nudity. Go, say hi, meet people. You may have to attend two or three before you get comfortable with a few people to start emailing (or whatever kids do these days) plans for playdates.
  3. fr3sh3st_3l3m3nt

    fr3sh3st_3l3m3nt New Member

    I'm going with green on this 1,if its just at a restaurant just go,wave smile n introduce yourself, it seriously blows that no 1 will attend with u but it will suck a lot more if u miss the opportunity."what if..." is the worst question u can ask your self,well that's tha worst question I can ask myself.Get your favorite outfit,Pick out the mask that u think that would exstinguish the butterflies. Put it in ur purse for reassurance and order u favorite thing on the menu. how ever it turns out good food always makes nights more enjoyable

    N if there's 1in your in city there's probably 1 in mine. I'm so excited 4 u...good luck n would love 2 hear what u chose
  4. Zandar

    Zandar Member

    See if you can contact the organisation about a 'dress code' for events like this, so you know you wont jump out as being the new person. Ask them in the same mail about if you need to ID yourself or signup or stuff like that, so you dont feel like a fool at the door.
    Having those 2 things covered gives you the comfort of not feeling embarased the first 5 minutes. Go in, order a drink so you have 'something in hands' and 'scan the field'. If you get hit by a wave of feeling unsecure, make a toilet trip; nothing beats a 'safety' trip through the field with a set goal plus you get the 'safety' of a private toilet to catch your breath without being watched.

    Hope this helps.
    I am sure all will be fine. :)

  5. Thanks guys, I really appreciate the help. I decided against involvement.
  6. subspace

    subspace Member

    :( Awww, what happened IF?
  7. Sparrow69

    Sparrow69 Moderator

    yes, what happened?

  8. I don't know . . . I want to join, but I went back an forth via email with the President and a few members, and while they seem super awesome, apparently almost everyone active in the society are pairs, and most of the activities revolve around couples/groups, and I don't have anyone to play with or to go with, and A) I don't need a reminder of that fact, and B) I don't think I'd get as much out of it as I could.
  9. EZRA

    EZRA Member

    The Clubs tend to do that to avoid being overrun with male subs.
    also couples tend to be more stable and less prone to causing trouble.
    Having said that usually single female subs are almost always welcome to these places.
    There is a place in Denver called The Enclave, I wanted to join but Mistress is not so inclined.
    I was welcomed to the meet and munch but it was gently suggested to me that with out Mistress I most likely would not get a sponsor, however single Female subs are always sponsored quickly as a result there membership is fairly well balanced. also Single male Dom's also have a hard time getting sponsored, and I have yet to meet a Dominatrix who dosent have her pick of subs so is never for want.
    But I'm good with it for now because The Enclave as has it's very own Kinky AA/NA meeting and I love that one!
  10. Sparrow69

    Sparrow69 Moderator

    very well put Ezra. I agree, its worth at least going and checking out, at least once. Life is full of chances and risks, but if you don't take them your not really living. A Submissive whose willing to risk the embarrassment of going it alone are often praised for taking the initiative.

  11. I agree. Go for it IF! Whats the worse that can happen... You go out and meet some new people. Maybe make some friends, maybe not. But you should totally go and give it a shot.
    If I were closer, I would go with you...
  12. NorthNJdom66

    NorthNJdom66 New Member

    also new........

    I am also fairly new to this lifestyle. Dom male here with female sub looking for clubs in the North NJ area. Anyone have any suggestions? Feel free to PM if you don't wanna post. Thanks
  13. Sparrow69

    Sparrow69 Moderator

    how close are you to the city (NYC) You cant miss with paddles, but it is by far not the only one. i always suggest it to newcomers though.

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