How do you meet subs? Or partners ino these BDSM in generall?

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by owned, Jan 8, 2012.

  1. owned

    owned New Member

    Hey guys/girls, i live in sweden and always had a interest in this kind of world, problem is i never had a girlfriend who also liked that, closest thing was my ex who liked when i held her down/tied her arms behind her back, but other than that she was very vanilla.

    Personally it is not a big deal but i want to experience it at least once in my life :)

    Generally i am a loving and caring person who never would hurt anyone out of anger or similar.

    In my understanding it is very common in the Goth / Punk style to be into these stuff, but that is not really my style i try to dress clean and would seem like an academic type of a guy, i am tall and thin (20 years old if that matter) so maybe it is because how i look these type of girls don't get attracted to me?


    Sorry for my bad English, i hope the spellchecker cleared up majority of my errors :)

    Also its my first post so hello everyone!

    Edit: also i would like to add that im not asking for how to find a fuck toy, but an actual girlfriend who is into this kinda stuff.
     
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2012
  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    You have a couple options:

    Explore the goth community and look at the occasional dressing up in black lace as a small price to pay for finding a kinky gf.

    Find your local munch (which is a BDSM social gathering). Most are done in public in street clothes, and are at places like local bars, cafes, and malls. I have no doubt that Stockholm has at least one. Look online to find it.

    Discretely advertise in your clothing. Buy a black biker jacket and boots and wear them out to bars. If you want to be a little more risque, by a pair of police handcuffs and wear them on the left epaulet of the jacket--you're saying you're willing to use the handcuffs on someone. Carry the key on your keyring where someone might notice it.

    Advertise on kinky personals sites like Collarme and Fetlife. Browse the ads on those sites. Put up ads on vanilla sites like Match.com or OkCupid and include a few discrete codewords, like an interest in leather, or say you're SSC (safe, sane, and consensual). Say that your favorite pop song is Rihanna's 'S&M' or that you really like the Maggie Gyllenhall film 'Secretary' or the Mickey Rourke movie '9 1/2 Weeks' (both of which are about BDSM relationships).

    Those should get you moving in the right direction.
     
  3. JettOnly

    JettOnly Member

    Agree with everything Sebastian has said
    Except for the Goth scene

    Its a music, socalising scene. Yes it tends to be more open to all sorts of people. Most Goth clubs noone bats an eyelid at a tranny or anything
    BUT
    We find it very offensive so have our sexuallity or sluttyness assumed based on our clothing

    I dress in corsets, leather, rubber, pvc, big boots because thats what I wear, because I like the way it looks - no different than any other girl getting ready for a night out
    Most of my friends wear similar and very few of them are into any kind of kink

    If you are attracted to a Goth girl then chat to her, get to know her just like you would with any other girl
    If you like wearing leather or whatever - wear it

    But its just clothing and dont assume something about someone based on their apperance

    (sorry, a bugbare of mine, I have worked the door of a Goth club for 10 years and I am fed up of guys comming in assuming the girls are up for anything cos they wear fishnets)
     
  4. owned

    owned New Member

    Hehe never meant to say that Goths are all into BDSM, I just have experience with goths(i knew) being into it(Openly)

    Me personally would not dress up in leather and having some cuffs on me would just make me feel kinda awkward.

    But i do get attracted to goth girls or girls who got the generally dark look, however i do not have a certain type, i have actually yet to meet a type of girl (as in cloth style, personalities threes plenty i dislike)

    I guess the generally question is what to look for in a potential girl, for me to find someone that is compatible?

    sorry JettOnly i never really said that all goth girls are just some sluts wanting to be somebody's sex slave, neither do i want to become part of the scene for the chance of getting one of em as a girlfriend, i'm happy with my current style and way of life not gonna change that in desperation to get a girl.

    Maybe some personal experience you people could tell me? how did you find your partners?
     
  5. JettOnly

    JettOnly Member

    Its OK owned, I didnt think you ment all Goths were easy or kinky or whatever :). It is a scene where people would be free-er to express something like that if they were into it.
    But no point at all pretending to be something you are not, you be who you are and you will find someone who likes that (I know quite a few GOths with non goth boyfriends)

    If you know people who are into it then tag along with them to munches and clubs
    and the internet is getting to be a good place to meet people to - as said above

    To find someone compatible the most important thing is to really decide what it is you think you want, stick that on your profile, join local groups based on your kink and talk to people
     
  6. Knots

    Knots Member

    Watched this recently, wasn't very impressed.

    EDIT: I like Secretary, though.
     
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2012
  7. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    On the same note, I just got Tall to watch S&M. Not a big Rihanna fan, but still.

    Sebby's right though, find ways to make hints, and when the time comes, be open as you can.
     
  8. Sally

    Sally Member

  9. owned

    owned New Member

    I know about that page, spent some time there for quite awhile ago.

    It is generally inactive and few core members that stick around there, most are out of my age range.

    Edit: therei s a swedish website called darkside.se which is pretty much a fetish dating website, sent out about 7 emails to different girls that seemd to fit my interest, sent them each about 7-10 lines each describing myself and so on (mind you they werent just copy paste to each girl i wrote seperate messages to each one of em, feels unpersonal to just spam out messages)

    So far no replies and i expect none either, i guess its cause i have no picture of myself or that just girls get a lot of attention on dating websites.

    Anyone got any pointers how people do this online dating thing? i am completly fine in real life, but once its on text messages or any form electronical contact i am just clueless how to do it xD..
     
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2012
  10. Sally

    Sally Member

    come to Norway...? in Oslo there is a "hous"/"club" of BDSM. hehe, yes we are the best, and you know it ;)

    I found true love in a bdsm online dating site. but I spent hours in front of the data and looked through many forums before I found him.

    You must also watch what you say, most girls have more than one e-mail the other day that describes in detail what some dominant males will have, therefore, they throw a lot of other things that can be nice. have an image that seems normal, which could be hosted on fb as profile picture, just without the face. be active on the forum without being kinky. try to make friends, it will make the subs come running. they need to be confident in you first. if the forum is not active, make it active. it will draw more people and more girls
     
  11. If all else fails, abduction can be an option....

    Well, not really, but I sympathize with the frustration over the matter! LOL
     
  12. Aibo

    Aibo Member

    My recommendation. Sign up on any of the sites in Sweden.
    www.bdsmforum.se/forum/ is one, and you will be informed when they got a meeting to meet real people.
    Darkside might still be around. (Got 2 ones I dated from that one)

    Our site for Norway is down and uncertain when it will be back up I will not link it. But you can find SMIL for Norway and sign up there and start making smalltalk to people.
    They got events on a regular schedule also, and I think I friend of mine still is a boardmember of that org.

    If you're a reasonable chap as you say yourself you should have no problem starting to meet people, if and when you find a partner - that's a mystery you have to solve yourself.

    Heck if I have anything to say about Sweden and Norway then it is that they're fast movers. So if you get a hint from a girl, just step on the train and go for it. Be hesitant and they will look elsewhere. Yes I know it can be hard, but remembering the submissive female who proposed to me in the wide open with several onlookers at one BDSM event 1½ year ago - I can say it might be so obvious also at times. :)
     

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