In light of the â€˜giving upâ€™ thread I thought it would be good to hear about how we all got to where we are today. I refer to my husband as Top in the forum but he wasnâ€™t always this. We started out as best friends then I went to college and he went into the Marines and we continued our friendship through letters and phone calls when allowed (this was before email). We knew all about each other, every secret no holds barred because there was no need to try and impress each other. Well then towards the end of college I started getting into the BDSM scene. He had always been okay with hearing the crazy stories of boyfriends and all the drama that ensues and I had no problem reading about all his exploits as he traveled the world but as I told him about my first BDSM experiences the relationship turned, he became concerned that I would let men tie me up and hit me etc. Suddenly he was coming home on leave more frequently and these visits turned into an effort to â€œsaveâ€ me from my newly found BDSM lifestyle. This continued for a couple of years until we did eventually get married. But before marriage there were endless talks about my need for BDSM, that I cannot enjoy life and sex to its fullest without it. He was a natural Alpha male (why I was attracted to begin with) and he was able to slowly become the Top that I needed. The relationship isnâ€™t perfect and I still think I need this more than he does, but over the years it has become more a part of him. Its not easy by any means, we often have a hard time knowing where to draw the line and sometimes run into trouble when the communication is off. We have tried the 24/7 and the â€˜just in the bedroomâ€™ lives and now have a mix, we can tell just by a look that â€˜game is onâ€™. I do still crave a more intense BDSM lifestyle but this has been a good fit, not perfect but I think about as good as you can get and still be in a monogamous relationship. So how has everyone else gotten to where they are today?