Hot wax

RS1981 · Jan 12, 2011

I expressed an interest in doing hot wax play with my pet, but there's a little problem. She has actually had bad experiences with it outside of a BDSM context. The last thing I want to do is have her relive a traumatic experience, but is there any possible way to ease her into it? Or should I just leave it alone?

sebastian · Jan 12, 2011

Start by doing a lot of reading about it so that you really understand proper procedures, safety, etc. That may give her some confidence that it's not so dangerous. Try it on yourself so you understand what it feels like. You might even have her try doing it to you, so that knows that you won't do anything to her that you won't do to yourself first.

You also need to have a serious discussion in which you explain that you're interested in doing this. Ask her about her bad experience, what she's afraid of in specific, and so on. Ask her if this is a hard limit or a soft limit. If it's a hard limit, accept that for the time being but let her know that you might want to discuss it again at some point in the future. She needs to know that you'll only do it if she's willing to let you do it. If it's a soft limit, let her know that you won't spring it on her as a surprise. You'll plan for it and do it when she's ready to push her limits. Perhaps let her set the date. And let her veto it if she's not ready.

RS1981 · Jan 12, 2011

Thanks for your advice, I talked to her about it and she said she'll consider it. I'm happy she's being open-minded, hopefully after she finds out that it's not terribly painful if it's done correctly and without malicious intent she'll be willing. I've done it to myself out of curiosity before, and I actually like it.

sebastian · Jan 12, 2011

One of the major factors in wax play is the height from which the wax is dripped. The higher the drip, the cooler the wax is when it hits the skin. So when you do get to play, start with the candle higher up than normal, so the wax is cooler when it hits. This will help her relax and feel like it's not a threat. Make sure the candles you use are the right type for wax play. The wrong candle can seriously hurt the sub.

RS1981 · Jan 13, 2011

Okay that sounds simple enough. When I did it to myself I used one of those candles in a jar, I actually think it was scented but I can't remember. When I did it though I was pretty close to my skin but it didn't hurt much. I assume it's different for everyone though because not everyone has the same pain threshold.

sebastian · Jan 13, 2011

Find a good guide to wax play on line. You need to make sure you get the right type of candle--some candles have chemicals in them that raise the melting point and therefore make them too hot to use. My understanding is that you normally want a 9" drop.

RS1981 · Jan 13, 2011

So I just did a little research on candles, and it sounds like beeswax is best because it melts fastest. Is this true or is paraffin better?

RS1981 · Jan 30, 2011

Just thought I'd do an update on my wax research, I found a site here http://www.bdsm-education.com/wax.html but it's still hard to decide which kind of candle I should get. I want one that's of course safe, but still provides enough heat for pain play. Apparently beeswax burns hotter than what's recommended so I should rule that out. What would be the best?

sebastian · Jan 30, 2011

Try looking at this site http://www.kufs.org/waxplayinfo.htm
I haven't done wax play, but this page looks very well-organized and seems like it would be good for a novice. Plain white paraffin candles look best, from what I've read. You can get them in tall round glass containers, which are good for controlling the drip.

L8NightQ · Jan 30, 2011

Hi RS -

Typically Beeswax may melt faster, but it holds heat the best and tends to run much hotter than parafin.

Usually the best candles for wax play are the cheapest. You can find "emergency" candles at most hardware stores, Walmart, Target, etc.

Most people don't use them because they burn fast and drip a lot. For mood lighting most like candles that last longer.

Stick to parafin tea or emergency candles.

If I come across any good articles on wax selection, I'll let you know.

Also.... Any color you add to a candle will change it's heat retention properties, even parafin.

Hope this helps

Hot wax

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