hi all

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by sarahthekitty, May 19, 2010.

  1. sarahthekitty

    sarahthekitty New Member

    hi everyone
    this my first time to post here i just have some questions

    first i'm sarah 22 years old
    and i'm a lesbian when i do it with my girl friend

    i just like pain and dirty words i like her to own me

    so here is the questions

    1-does it mean iam a slave when i like pain while haveing sex?

    2-is BDSM is illegal?

    3-if i really likes being slave how to tell her to act with me as her slave and enjoy it?

    That is it

    happy to see u all:confused:
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  2. Ruelee

    Ruelee Member

    From my point of view:
    1: If you want it to be
    2: In many places, but we don't care
    3: Communication, communication, communication. Talk to each other. Everyone will tell you this is key to the whole thing.
  3. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    1) No. Being slave is about control, not pain per se. The fact that you enjoy pain during sex doesn't necessarily mean that you would like to be a slave. On the other hand, it doesn't mean you wouldn't like being a slave.
    2) This is complicated. It varies from state to state, since most sex laws are state rather than federal issues. Mostly this is a legal issue for the top, since in general, you cannot consent to being assaulted, which means that if the top whips you, for example, he is liable for assault. However, consent is a defense in some states, but it's been accepted only somewhat erratically. There's a whole thread on this issue if you look for it. The upthrust of this is that you and your dom need to play discretely. If the cops show up, stop what you're doing, explain what's going on honestly, and don't lie about doing bdsm, even if you're embarrassed. Most cops will probably be understanding, but don't give them any excuse to be assholes.
    3) Tell her you enjoy being controlled. Make it clear to her that she gets to do anything she wants (except things you've explicitly put off limits for whatever reason) and that she gets to have you do anything she wants. Most people will get into that. Once she's comfortable controlling you, talk about making things rougher or whatever else you're interested in.
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  4. sarahthekitty

    sarahthekitty New Member

    thnx everyone
    now i think what should i do:rolleyes:
  5. Ruelee

    Ruelee Member

    seb's advice on the third point is a good start. Take her aside, ask her to listen, and tell her about it, see what she thinks, try something light to start, and work your way into it. Make sure you have a safeword or safegesture that both of you will recognise if you find yourself liking it less.
    If she's uncertain, ease her into it slowly, with what you can both manage, don't go too fast, in case she feels too rushed and wants out - though if she does want out, let her, but talk about it is she will, find out why.
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  6. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

    Welcome stk -

    Take Sebastians advice and look thru some of the older posts, especially about the legal stuff.

    It sounds like you already know you want to be her slave. How does the pain fit in during sex? What kind of pain did you mean? Spanking, slapping, canes, tight rope?

    Hope you stay around. I would like to hear more from you.

    Where are you from?
  7. Ghost

    Ghost Member

    Your questions have already been answered but to add the vocabulary:

    If you like pain, you are (likely) a masochist.

    If you like to be controlled you are (likely) a submissive.

    Many who are one are also the other but this is not a given, nor a requirement.

    People who like to give pain are into sadism -- but someone could do this merely for the 'benefit' of the masochistic partner and be somewhat indifferent to it.

    One can enjoy bondage or control with or without pain, and one can enjoy pain without or without bondage although it is a little more difficult to do pain without some type of control.
  8. sarahthekitty

    sarahthekitty New Member

    i like slapping, spanking and tight rope
    and i also like to be gagged

    and iam brazilian
  9. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    it sounds to me that you're basically a bondage bottom. Bondage bottoms usually, though not always, like mild to moderate pain.

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