i'm female going on 31 just year I never had a boyfriend or dated and .I hav't had a real friend in years I know ppl online but other wise then that no one .I hate my self I feel like failed life . I live at my bads house and work at fastfood and my homophone and racest brother lives with us to he says is not but the shit that comes out of hes mouth makes me sick . he think gays are like child molesters and blacks are lazy. I don't see my self as a male but I love gay porn I love gay bdsm . see or thinking of a man and woman togather does't turn me not even if I tried thinking of my self with man . all so when guys try firt with me at work and etc I get upset . i feel like i'm wired when i watch porn i get turn on but i feel like i wish could just jerk off all so i never had sex with anyone but i played with my self i like anal over vaginal play i even put one my own fingers inside . vaginal is wet squashly while i find my anal is soft i love the burning feeling of being filled but not pain . i tried slaping my our ass but hand hurt more then my butt and was let down . i really don't have anyone can talk to about those things and just need a friends to lend a ear.