He took her from me and she wanted to go, why

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by adviceeneeded, Jul 25, 2012.

  1. adviceeneeded

    adviceeneeded New Member

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    Not really sure how it lead to this. My ex girlfriend or I have ever been into this stuff. When a longtime friend of the family was here for work, and staying with us. Sensed something was weird, he seemed to friendly with her from day one, and she said he was like her uncle. Everything slowly changed the night he asked if he could kiss her if she would let him and she did. He was gonna show me the ropes and guide me. How did I fall for this, anything he asked of me I went out of my way to help.
  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    I'm not sure I understand--it would help if you were more careful about punctuation. But here's what I'm understanding from your post: You and your ex got curious about BDSM. A friend of the family was staying with you, BDSM came up and he offered to help teach you how to dom. He kissed your gf and this led to your gf leaving you and getting together with him. Do I have that right?

    The only people who understand what happened are your ex-gf and this other guy. I can't really tell you what they were thinking. But it sounds like this guy did something doms are not supposed to do--he failed to respect your rights over your sub (assuming she had agreed to be your sub). A sub is, to some extent, the property of her dom (even if she's not a full slave, the dom still, I think, has 'first dibs' on her until she ends the relationship or renegotiates the rules). So another dom should only use a sub with the permission of the sub's dom, especially if the other dom says he's going to help mentor you. So basically, this guy was a dick, abused his position as a more experienced dom, and used it to win your sub from you. That's shitty. It happens, but it's shitty.

    But your gf is also a factor in what happened. As a novice sub, she's not a full slave, and she's free to sub for whomever she wants. So perhaps she wan't happy in the relationship with you and just decided to leave for a new guy. Or maybe she decided that you weren't sufficiently dominant for her to meet her needs, and she saw this guy and decided he was pushing her buttons better than you. Or maybe he persuaded her that he's better/kinkier/safer/sexier/dommer than you are and she trusts him because he's more experienced, and he used that trust to win her over. Maybe she treated you badly, or maybe she's naive and he's really to blame.

    Regardless, she left you for another guy. I'm sorry. That's really painful and confusing. I've been there and it was horrible for me. My husband of 8 years left me, no joke, because I wasn't fat enough for him. So I entirely empathize.

    Here's my advice. Drown your sorrows for a little while with beer/video games/one-night stands/French films/etc. Then pick yourself up and look for a new gf. You're a little older, a little wiser, and a little more knowledgeable about kink than you were. You'll find a new gf, maybe one who's kinkier than the old one, and you'll be able to keep exploring your kinks. Just don't go all emo and decide she was your one true love and now you'll be tragic and black-haired your whole life. Life's too short to be emo.
  3. MrWolfgang

    MrWolfgang Member

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    Lol....yeah. Dont go emo. Good advice there. Like Sebastian said though, its as much her as it is him. Shitty....sure. It is what it is. Plus, shes already your ex so.........move on? Apparently there was already something there that didnt mesh well with yall or she wouldent be an ex in the first place. Find someone new that shares your new found tastes then stick something in their (or is it they're) butt. That should make ya feel better.
    Last edited: Jul 25, 2012
  4. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

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    I don't think she was his ex prior to this, wolfgang. From my interpretation of it, they were in a steady relationship, then this happened.
  5. MrWolfgang

    MrWolfgang Member

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    Ah well....my apologys then. I misunderstood. That would definatly take things to a different level of suck. Been there. Never been one to try and understand that stuff tho. Always just tried to move on and not dwell on it too much. I always figured if someone dont want to be with ya for whatever reason then they just dont want to be with ya. If ya gotta beg and persuade them to stay then your just prolonging the inevitable and will prolly be worse off in the end. I dunno. I would suggest tryin to move on. Easier said than done....I know. But, its all I got there.

    Still sticking with the finds someone new and stick something in their butt tho. Works wonders.
  6. Moonlight

    Moonlight Member

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    My son went through this last year. He was head over heals in love with a girl. I had my misgivings but hey he was 18 and out on his own. He did not want to hear it. My son who is as tough as they come called me sobbing into the phone. I thought he was laughing and told him I was busy. He said "mamma I really need to talk to you." He had not called me mamma since he was 12. So I went to a quiet room and talked to him while he cried out all his hurt to me.

    I am telling you this so you know that people understand the pain. I do after watching my son go through it. But he is better off. A girl who will run off with someone else is not someone you want to be in a relationship with. It is a little over a year later and he has a new girlfriend who treats him much better. I think he is a lot happier then he was with the old girlfriend. Keep your chin up.

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