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Hi, all. I'm new to this and unsure where the rabbit hole leads, but I am looking forward to the journey. I guess I have a lot of questions, but really I think what I need to do is normalise my experience against those going through similar things. That's what I'm here for! There's a lot more detail to the story, but I'll start out nice and simple.
A few weeks ago I took a friend of mine out to dinner (we're both gay). We've known each other for a year or so, but since he was in a relationship we've just been friends. Anyway, 4 months after he and his boyfriend broke up we're exchanging shy glances across the dinner table, hours later it's a furtive kiss on the couch and a record breaking 30 seconds thereafter that it's game on in the bedroom.
I already had an inkling that he had a bit of a foot fetish. Common enough, some might even say pedestrian (LOL). I played into that a little but as the love making progressed it became clear that he wanted me to be more controlling than is customary. I played along, pinning him down as best I could. I found this all quite ironic considering he's physically stronger and so could easily physically subdue me if he so chose. He even requested my permission before he achieved orgasm, which I found kind of cute.
Now, I flatter myself to think I am pretty adaptable in the bedroom but this is something I am completely unfamiliar with. He recently confessed to me that he'd very much like to be "tied up" though he has never tried it before. Needless to say I have a lot to learn. Like any keen student I hit the books. I bought Jay Wisemen's excellent book on bondage and started reading up on ropes, safety and general BDSM concepts.
I guess my very first insecurity / concern is that Jay refers to the person in the submissive role as the "bottom" and the dominant as the "top". In gay parlance, though, I see myself as the "bottom" (I like to be penetrated). Besides which, this guy considers himself a "top" (someone who likes to penetrate). I am content that physical roles and emotional / mental roles are quite different things and someone can be a "dominant bottom" and a "submissive top" but I just have difficulty understanding the logistics. How do I (or should I even) compel someone who is bound to roger me? Especially since I fear he's someone who may easily go limp if distracted.
Also, like anyone, I don't really want to have to do all the work, I would like, on occasion, to be the one getting all the attention as it were, rather than the other way around. I think I understand the paradox of the submissive role in that because it's only through the sub's consensual submission that the top has any control at all, it's actually the sub who has all the power in the scene. I guess I'd like a little power myself.
My other insecurity is that I actually really do like this guy, he ticks all the boxes and so I don't want to mess up the opportunity for a relationship. I don't want for him to look back in 6 months time and think "oh yeah, that was the time I thought I'd try getting tied up by so-and-so. Oh boy was that a mistake!"
Anyway, nice to be here and hello to everyone.
A few weeks ago I took a friend of mine out to dinner (we're both gay). We've known each other for a year or so, but since he was in a relationship we've just been friends. Anyway, 4 months after he and his boyfriend broke up we're exchanging shy glances across the dinner table, hours later it's a furtive kiss on the couch and a record breaking 30 seconds thereafter that it's game on in the bedroom.
I already had an inkling that he had a bit of a foot fetish. Common enough, some might even say pedestrian (LOL). I played into that a little but as the love making progressed it became clear that he wanted me to be more controlling than is customary. I played along, pinning him down as best I could. I found this all quite ironic considering he's physically stronger and so could easily physically subdue me if he so chose. He even requested my permission before he achieved orgasm, which I found kind of cute.
Now, I flatter myself to think I am pretty adaptable in the bedroom but this is something I am completely unfamiliar with. He recently confessed to me that he'd very much like to be "tied up" though he has never tried it before. Needless to say I have a lot to learn. Like any keen student I hit the books. I bought Jay Wisemen's excellent book on bondage and started reading up on ropes, safety and general BDSM concepts.
I guess my very first insecurity / concern is that Jay refers to the person in the submissive role as the "bottom" and the dominant as the "top". In gay parlance, though, I see myself as the "bottom" (I like to be penetrated). Besides which, this guy considers himself a "top" (someone who likes to penetrate). I am content that physical roles and emotional / mental roles are quite different things and someone can be a "dominant bottom" and a "submissive top" but I just have difficulty understanding the logistics. How do I (or should I even) compel someone who is bound to roger me? Especially since I fear he's someone who may easily go limp if distracted.
Also, like anyone, I don't really want to have to do all the work, I would like, on occasion, to be the one getting all the attention as it were, rather than the other way around. I think I understand the paradox of the submissive role in that because it's only through the sub's consensual submission that the top has any control at all, it's actually the sub who has all the power in the scene. I guess I'd like a little power myself.
My other insecurity is that I actually really do like this guy, he ticks all the boxes and so I don't want to mess up the opportunity for a relationship. I don't want for him to look back in 6 months time and think "oh yeah, that was the time I thought I'd try getting tied up by so-and-so. Oh boy was that a mistake!"
Anyway, nice to be here and hello to everyone.
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