MIRROR: Download from MEGA
Ok, I've got the situation. A few thoughts, in no particular order:
1) BDSM requires real communication. Without communication, it can easily tip over the line into abuse. So if you and he can't communicate, you need to stop the BDSM and focus on the communication. So tell him (not ask, tell) that you're calling a halt to all BDSM until you feel like the two of you are communicating well. If he tries to force you to be his sub without your consent, he's engaging in abuse, which is illegal and probably something he can get disciplined for by the military.
2) Is it possible that his anger is related to his service? Has he done active duty, and if so, do you think he might be dealing with some degree of PTSD? If so, he needs counseling (and he might need counseling even if it's not PTSD). If he won't voluntarily seek counseling, contact his superior officer or talk to the spouse liaison officer; my friends who have served in the military tell me that the army is trying to take these sorts of issues seriously. And even if he won't go for counseling, you might consider it yourself, to help assess the situation.
3) Open marriages, threesomes, sharing a sub, and other forms of polyamorous relationships are not for everyone. They take work and, yes, communication. So it's possible that you're not well-suited to being in a threesome. Or maybe you're not emotionally ready for it under these circumstances. Can I ask you what your objection is? Do you fear he'll leave you for her? Do you worry that she's prettier or more experienced than you are? Do you just not like the idea of sharing your man with another woman?
4) Honestly, I don't think your husband is ready to be a slave owner. Being a decent dom takes work, and being a slave owner takes an enormous amount of effort and maturity. You can't master another person until you've mastered yourself, and given that he seems to have a serious temper, he clearly isn't fully in control of himself. I think he's seen and maybe read BDSM porn, and the idea of owning a slave turns him on, but he's never experienced a master-slave relationship first hand, and so it doesn't occur to him that there is a lot more to being a slave owner than what he sees in the porn.
5) Claiming a slave that he has never met and inviting her to live with him is foolish and immature. He doesn't even know for sure that he will click with her when he meets her. Experienced slave owners invite a potential slave to visit for a few days to assess the slave and to give the slave a chance to assess the master. Until they have met and spent time together, there is no way to know whether either of them will enjoy the relationship. And experienced slave masters also consult with the rest of their household before offering to invite a new slave to join, because the slaves and subs all have to click with each other. He needs to spend some time with a mentor, or perhaps subbing for a master, so he knows what he should be doing.
6) No, you're not screwed, but you are seeing warning signs that this relationship has problems. He's not going to magically change once he's married. If he won't try to address these issues now, he definitely won't address them once he's married, because he won't have any incentive to. So I think you need to put your marriage plans on hold until you can work through these issues with him.
7) Why do you want to marry this guy? From what little you've told us, he sounds like an immature jerk or someone with PTSD. So what is the attraction?
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