Guy wants to get into touch with his dom side

dlux · Feb 9, 2009

Hello,

My girlfriend and I recently got into a lot more bdsm. After 4 years together and being together young we decided we need to experiment sexually A LOT MORE.

we are both very sexual. She is naturally submissive and i am naturally dominant. But we never put labels on it before. And it feels hard to live up to a Dominate label she might have for me especially when we didnt start off like this,her being the sub has a hard time letting me know things, and she excpects me to know right out of hand EVEN THOUGH WERE EXPERIENCING THIS FOR THE FIRST TIME TOGETHER!!!! this is one of the things we hope to work on

Any advice on

how to get a good start on my adventure into Domship. We really want to grow together. And help each other with specific problems and adjustments.

Thanks,
dlux

Prissy · Feb 10, 2009

Basically my suggestion to you, is to sit down with your girl and talk it out, maybe write down what all you and she want to do, or have done, and what all to stay away from, such as hot wax, floggings, etc, etc, etc...

I know it sounds silly, but without guidelines, neither one of you will know what is going too far or not.

lao · Feb 10, 2009

dlux said:
Hello,

My girlfriend and I recently got into a lot more bdsm. After 4 years together and being together young we decided we need to experiment sexually A LOT MORE.

we are both very sexual. She is naturally submissive and i am naturally dominant. But we never put labels on it before. And it feels hard to live up to a Dominate label she might have for me especially when we didnt start off like this,her being the sub has a hard time letting me know things, and she excpects me to know right out of hand EVEN THOUGH WERE EXPERIENCING THIS FOR THE FIRST TIME TOGETHER!!!! this is one of the things we hope to work on

Any advice on how to get a good start on my adventure into Domship. We really want to grow together. And help each other with specific problems and adjustments.

Thanks,
dlux

Keep spanking her ass out in public and see how she reacts - she might seem pissed off at first however her anger will quickly transfer into something you can use later LOL

Being half sub I understand how they (the subs) think. To understand the sub you must think like the sub

dlux · Feb 11, 2009

true

so we spoke about things. Are limits are no eating shit, no animals and mmmmmmmm thats about it for right now.

i wrote a list of things i want to help her work on through our sessions, as well as sexually.
I also got this book called "The loving dominant" thats suppose to be real good.

My girls number 1 problem is RELAXING. she cant relax during sex, she always has what she wants (the outcome) on her mind instead of being in the moment (just enjoying the present), and it fuck's up her enjoyment because she gets too anxious when things arent perfectly how she wants them. SHE IS VERY SUBMISSIVE but this needs to be worked out. I understand trust is a major part.

Any one know any good patience and relaxation techniques used pre or during sessions?
Any tips on how one might help a sub with this problem.

dlux · Feb 11, 2009

lao said:
Keep spanking her ass out in public and see how she reacts - she might seem pissed off at first however her anger will quickly transfer into something you can use later LOL

Being half sub I understand how they (the subs) think. To understand the sub you must think like the sub

my hand is constantly on her tight ass. she likes it hehehehehehe

Prissy · Feb 11, 2009

Have you ever tied her up in a position she can't escape from, no matter how hard she tries? if not, get her into bondage, if she struggles, tell her that she needs to relax before you will let her go. I know for me, if someone wants me to relax that will usually work for me.

lao · Feb 11, 2009

Continuously spank her ass in public so she becomes humiliated and frustrated - (also degrade her using derogatory terms, in a playful way if possible)

When you get home if she starts to complain don't worry (shes pissed off but horny). Tell her she's been naughty and needs a good seeing too - tie her up, whip her every time she protests and then fuck her for hours on end.

The frustration you cause her will give her more sexual pleasure in the long run. Make a habit of humiliating her - then fucking the shit out of her

Fire_burns · Feb 11, 2009

Personally I would try control exercises. Use things like blindfolds, and modify objectives which she must reach to satisfy you. Have play in mind that doesn't focus on cumming, but instead on sensation. Use food, whips, feathers whatever you like, but make it so that cumming isn't the objective but that the play itself is and the satisfaction of it.
Change your language a bit too instead of saying something like "your going to make me cum tonight" say something like "your really exciting me right now", it changes the sexual objective to the present tense and makes it less a goal to cum. Lastly, if you want her to stop focusing on the climax and focus more on getting there, do so yourself. If she is submissive as you say she will follow your lead and the more you enjoy the journey the more she is going to as well.

dlux · Feb 12, 2009

.

Prissy said:
Have you ever tied her up in a position she can't escape from, no matter how hard she tries? if not, get her into bondage, if she struggles, tell her that she needs to relax before you will let her go. I know for me, if someone wants me to relax that will usually work for me.

Im gonna try this out. I am very interested in shibari and this is a good opportunity
to practice my own skills while refining her patience skills as well, I need to get cotton or silk rope

dlux · Feb 12, 2009

Fire_burns said:
Personally I would try control exercises. Use things like blindfolds, and modify objectives which she must reach to satisfy you. Have play in mind that doesn't focus on cumming, but instead on sensation. Use food, whips, feathers whatever you like, but make it so that cumming isn't the objective but that the play itself is and the satisfaction of it.
Change your language a bit too instead of saying something like "your going to make me cum tonight" say something like "your really exciting me right now", it changes the sexual objective to the present tense and makes it less a goal to cum. Lastly, if you want her to stop focusing on the climax and focus more on getting there, do so yourself. If she is submissive as you say she will follow your lead and the more you enjoy the journey the more she is going to as well.

I really like this suggestion. I find myself focusing on the end as well sometimes and this is a good example of what effect proper wording can have on the physci and mental atmosphere of the situation.
also im gonna try and do sensation play alot more WITH ONLY THE PURPOSE OF SENSATION IN THE MOMENT AND NO END EFFECT. maybe this will help her get in touch with the now more and not try to pursue something but to totally submit and let your self be dominated..

any ice and fire play tips?
good materials for sensation play (brushes?) ?

thanks for all the ideas people your a big help

Guy wants to get into touch with his dom side

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