Guy wants to get into touch with his dom side

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by dlux, Feb 9, 2009.


did you feel lost when first entering the bdsm scene

Poll closed Mar 11, 2009.
  1. yes

    2 vote(s)
  2. no

    1 vote(s)
  3. a little

    3 vote(s)
  4. maybe

    1 vote(s)
  1. dlux

    dlux New Member

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    My girlfriend and I recently got into a lot more bdsm. After 4 years together and being together young we decided we need to experiment sexually A LOT MORE.

    we are both very sexual. She is naturally submissive and i am naturally dominant. But we never put labels on it before. And it feels hard to live up to a Dominate label she might have for me especially when we didnt start off like this,her being the sub has a hard time letting me know things, and she excpects me to know right out of hand EVEN THOUGH WERE EXPERIENCING THIS FOR THE FIRST TIME TOGETHER!!!! this is one of the things we hope to work on :)

    Any advice on :)how to get a good start on my adventure into Domship. We really want to grow together. And help each other with specific problems and adjustments.

  2. Prissy

    Prissy Member

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    Basically my suggestion to you, is to sit down with your girl and talk it out, maybe write down what all you and she want to do, or have done, and what all to stay away from, such as hot wax, floggings, etc, etc, etc...

    I know it sounds silly, but without guidelines, neither one of you will know what is going too far or not.
  3. lao

    lao Guest

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    Keep spanking her ass out in public and see how she reacts - she might seem pissed off at first however her anger will quickly transfer into something you can use later LOL

    Being half sub I understand how they (the subs) think. To understand the sub you must think like the sub :D
  4. dlux

    dlux New Member

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    so we spoke about things. Are limits are no eating shit, no animals and mmmmmmmm thats about it for right now.

    i wrote a list of things i want to help her work on through our sessions, as well as sexually.
    I also got this book called "The loving dominant" thats suppose to be real good.

    My girls number 1 problem is RELAXING. she cant relax during sex, she always has what she wants (the outcome) on her mind instead of being in the moment (just enjoying the present), and it fuck's up her enjoyment because she gets too anxious when things arent perfectly how she wants them. SHE IS VERY SUBMISSIVE but this needs to be worked out. I understand trust is a major part.

    Any one know any good patience and relaxation techniques used pre or during sessions?
    Any tips on how one might help a sub with this problem.
  5. dlux

    dlux New Member

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    my hand is constantly on her tight ass. she likes it hehehehehehe
  6. Prissy

    Prissy Member

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    Have you ever tied her up in a position she can't escape from, no matter how hard she tries? if not, get her into bondage, if she struggles, tell her that she needs to relax before you will let her go. I know for me, if someone wants me to relax that will usually work for me.
  7. lao

    lao Guest

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    Continuously spank her ass in public so she becomes humiliated and frustrated - (also degrade her using derogatory terms, in a playful way if possible)

    When you get home if she starts to complain don't worry (shes pissed off but horny). Tell her she's been naughty and needs a good seeing too - tie her up, whip her every time she protests and then fuck her for hours on end.

    The frustration you cause her will give her more sexual pleasure in the long run. Make a habit of humiliating her - then fucking the shit out of her :D
  8. Fire_burns

    Fire_burns New Member

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    Personally I would try control exercises. Use things like blindfolds, and modify objectives which she must reach to satisfy you. Have play in mind that doesn't focus on cumming, but instead on sensation. Use food, whips, feathers whatever you like, but make it so that cumming isn't the objective but that the play itself is and the satisfaction of it.
    Change your language a bit too instead of saying something like "your going to make me cum tonight" say something like "your really exciting me right now", it changes the sexual objective to the present tense and makes it less a goal to cum. Lastly, if you want her to stop focusing on the climax and focus more on getting there, do so yourself. If she is submissive as you say she will follow your lead and the more you enjoy the journey the more she is going to as well.
  9. dlux

    dlux New Member

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    Im gonna try this out. I am very interested in shibari and this is a good opportunity
    to practice my own skills while refining her patience skills as well, I need to get cotton or silk rope :)
  10. dlux

    dlux New Member

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    I really like this suggestion. I find myself focusing on the end as well sometimes and this is a good example of what effect proper wording can have on the physci and mental atmosphere of the situation.
    also im gonna try and do sensation play alot more WITH ONLY THE PURPOSE OF SENSATION IN THE MOMENT AND NO END EFFECT. maybe this will help her get in touch with the now more and not try to pursue something but to totally submit and let your self be dominated..

    any ice and fire play tips?
    good materials for sensation play (brushes?) ?

    thanks for all the ideas people your a big help
  11. Fire_burns

    Fire_burns New Member

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    Ice and fire play tips, and good materials for sensation play, huh, ok then. Well here is one of my favorite ideas lately that fit into both.
    Get some red and blue glowsticks break them open so that you can get to the glow stick liquid inside, then tie your sub (in your case your gf so she can not move). After you have tied her up light some candles, if you would like blindfold her some point so she doesn't see what you have planned you may really excite her. You will need the wax later from those candles you lit. Then paint designs all over her body with the glowing liquid from the glowsticks well she is helpless. If you like to, write dirty talk on her. Tease her taste her nipples, pinch her, eat her out some. I would avoid sex at this point though and letting her cum. It will take pressure off the situation and you want her wriggling with desire. Now after you have painted your design as intricately as you want, remove the blindfold so she can see herself glowing, use the hot wax from the candles and trace over the red glowing areas and some ice and trace over the blue glowing areas. This will influence how you design, however let me say for reference center your design over the clit, the nipples, and the asshole as they are the most sensitive areas. Also be careful to make sure the wax is not too hot and that you don't hold the ice in one place too long as the one will burn her and the other will make her numb. This game works with the three of the five human senses. Sight by the glowing designs and blindfold, smell depending on if you use scented wax, and touch by the tying and fire and ice play. Its upsides are that you can draw out as long as you want the play you want and you are in complete control. Its downsides are that if you have your sub completely tied up she can't serve you very well. However it makes excellent photos, and your still able to have sex or a blowjob from your sub depending on how you tie her and if your using a gag or not. At this point you may wish to cum yourself. Untie her and find a way to for yourself to cum without setting her off yet remember the idea is to elongate the moment and you want that pressure to keep building. Have her do designs on you if you should so choose, that way you can be matching sub and Dom and you can have a breather for a minute after cumming while she still gets to serve. Anyway I could keep going, but this is just an idea and one that you may need to modify to fit you, use different colors to mean different things like spank her for purple or pull her hair and get behind her when you use orange on her. Also you may want to sit down with your girl and see if this sort of thing is within her limitations. Some people find certain things very distressing. If she can handle a suprise, a blindfold and this kind of fun, suprise her with it one night when you both don't have work the next day. Also try to do it in a bathroom or kitchen or somewhere, where blankets and carpet and clothing won't get stained and she or you can easily mop up a glowing wax mess later.
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2009

  12. Click here for more.
    Well, given the situation we were in at the time, my master and I were not able to play at all for the first 6 months after deciding we wanted to enter a BDSM relationship. Although extremely frustrating for both of us, in a sense it was one of the best things that could have happened, because we had all that time in which to discuss (dis)likes, limits, safety procedures etc. We were able to create full scenarios, which we could add to over time, and make completely sure would be absolutely perfect come playtime. All of the above has been a real help to us both, and so even though having to wait was mainly a bad thing, in this respect I am really glad it happened.
  13. ReallyGreen

    ReallyGreen Member

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    *Play music. Use stereo speakers if you want to be able to talk to her, use headphones if not. If you can find that chanting Monk CD at a garage sale its pretty good. Doubly so if you have incense to burn.
    *Don't just vary your materials, vary where you use them. Back of the knee, around the achilles tendon, the armpit, and near the femoral artery (2 or 3 inches below the groin on the inner thigh), under the ear behind the jaw (carotid artery pressure-point and sensitive spot)

    *Remember to pee beforehand.

    *fork tines (don't stab!)
    *comb teeth
    *copper wire (Go to the dollar store and buy some $1 headphones. Cut the cables into 3" lengths and pull the rubber off the copper wire. Then separate the copper wire into its individual strands. )
    *Ice cube (works great if you use it right before hot max.... or right after)
    *Bic Lighter. A personal mindfuck favorite. While your sub is blindfolded ignite the lighter near their ear and count out-loud to three. Let go of the button and press the warm metal to a nipple. Then repeat the process and go to five and then ten seconds. Once it becomes too hot (usually ten seconds is the warmest you can do without risking all-day soreness) tell your sub "one more time" and count v-e-r-y slowly to twenty. Then stick an ice-cube on her hoo-ha.
    *peach segments (you can even feed these to the sub if you want)
    *microfiber (find microfiber cloths at Wal*Mart near the dish towels... its a very weird fabric, it almost feels "sharp")
    *And I swear to the gods this is true: some people use live snakes for sensory play. Just put a half dozen on the sub at once (Non-poisonous and non-constrictors of course)
    *If the sub doesn't have arachnephobia: pet tarantula. pet tarantula is also fun for playing 'serpent and the rainbow' (If you're under 35... its a movie).
  14. bdsmmm

    bdsmmm New Member

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    A good thing to do is go to some classes, competence and confidence go hand in hand

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