Gold Digger???

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Sub4Life, Jun 24, 2010.

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  1. Sub4Life

    Sub4Life Member

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    Ok, a little background... I am a 21 year old college student and my Master is a 36 year old businessman. I was kind of poor growing up, and he is very wealthy. Not like crazy rich or anything, but he has a summer home and boats and stuff like that.

    I always got kind of turned on by men in high positions and those with "money". It made me feel safe, and secure and...I dont know really how to explain it. I think it puts him above me in a way and he's in more of a dominant position because of it.

    But I don't live off of him. I have a job and make my own money, but he, my Master, will buy me gifts and take me to nice resturants and so on. I don't ask for a lot, but he gets very offended if I try to say no to things.

    I got into a fight with a friend the other day and she called me a gold digger and a whore and said I was only with my Master (she doesnt know the BDSM aspect, she thinks we are a regular Vanilla couple) for his money and other things that come with it.

    It got me thinking. Now, I wouldn't call myself a gold digger because I am in love with my Master and if he had no money at all I would still love him.

    But I do have to admit when he flashes his money around (in and out of the bedroom) I get kind of excited. I don't know if that is just a kink of mine, or somthing that turns me on...or if that makes me really, really shallow.

    But it's been bothering me the past couple days, I had to beg my Master to let me back online (I havent been allowed online for over three months), in order to ask this. :-(

    So normal/understandable? Or am I a shallow bitch? lol
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  2. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

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    does this really belong in the BDSM section?

    anyways, I dont really know what kind of friend calls you a whore, but I get the feeling that most people who are gold diggers know what they are and what they want.

    If your boyfriend buys you things, thats HIS choice
    There's nothing wrong or shameful about having money

    But if its really bothering you, why dont you buy things for him for a change? Or do more cost-free (or low-cost) activities like visiting parks or going to the beach. Staying at home, renting movies, cooking food/having picnics

    (btw, are you under some kind of super punishment?)
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  3. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

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    dude get your spam out of here

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  4. Sub4Life

    Sub4Life Member

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    Well, I put it in this section because I always throught of it as an aspect of our BDSM relationship and I always just thought that being turned on by money was like being turned on my leather or w/e you know? but when she said this I was kind of taken back, so I wanted your guy's opinions.

    So I want to know if its normal, and counted as just another turn on like I thought it was or not...

    And yeah after this I can kind of assume that she isn't the best friend in the world to have...

    And yeah kinda to the super punishment. He went away on business and I was supposed to be online for a skype call, but I wasn't. I had stayed late at a friends party. :-( Needless to say he was very upset and when he came back he decided I couldn't go online (unless for school) until he said so.
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  5. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

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    oh you wacky total control couples... :D

    To be fair, you're technically the only person who can answer your fetish vs gold digger question.

    Be honest with yourself.
    Are you only dating him for the money
    if yes, you're a gold digger
    if no, you're not a gold digger

    Do you literally get wet/hard nipples when he talks about or flashes his cash
    if yes, its totally a fetish
    if no, you probably just like the aspect of his personality that takes control and is succesful and whatnot

    seriously, a friend wouldnt call you a whore.
    Maybe... "I'm concerned that you're acting like a whore", not flat out "you a ho"
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  6. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Sub, keep in mind that you're only 21. There's no way you can possibly be economically the equal of your master right now, given that he's a successful businessman and you're a college student. The fact that you try as much as possible to pay your way says that you are not really into the relationship for money. But the discrepancy between your economic status and his means that you're probably always going to be conscious of this as an issue. I don't think it's anything you need to worry about; you seem conscious of the moral dimension of this issue, and it speaks well of you.
    Last edited: Jun 25, 2010
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  7. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

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    I know gold diggers, let's see if you compare

    They like the way your money looks more than the way you look
    Once you're with them, they always need something.... either for themselves or for a friend
    They suggest the place they want to go for dinner, and usually the more expensive the better
    Their friends know more about your money than about you
    They need to wear (and therefore shop for) new clothes all the time, and want you to pay.... almost as a privilege related to dating them (Don't I look great in this?)
    They get bratty and pouty when you're not giving them cash on a regular basis
    They ask you about your job, assets, and finances early in the relationship so they can figure out if they should keep dating you.

    A guy with money who likes younger women will often try to impress them the same way. Women that get hooked this way are not necessarily gold diggers. They're just really impressed with the lifestyle at first, then become dependent on the money.
    These men are often insecure and tend to dominate the women they date. This doesn't make them a Dominant in the same way that we refer to here, even if the dominance is sexual also.

    I'm hoping you didn't meet him this way, though it would explain why you have this indefinite online grounding.

    Is he suspicious of everything when he's not around?
    Do you get to call him whenever you want?
    Do you meet a lot of his friends and go out together, or are you guys always alone?

    The not letting you go online thing could be a flag that this is not a healthy relationship. He's got a lot more experience and time on the streets then you.

    Hope this helps.
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  8. Sub4Life

    Sub4Life Member

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    He doesn't give me money. I'm not on an allowance or anything lol. When I'm not with him I pay for all my own things, and I don't go shopping a lot because I don't like shopping, shocking I know. He's not abusive, I didn't want to potray him that way. We are 24/7, but he doesn't control me in the way an abusive husband/boyfriend does. A friend of mine, not the same one, was in an abusive relationship and I know the signs, and I am not in any danger there.

    But I don't fit a lot of those, I didn't even know he had money until our fourth date, I don't talk about his money with friends, the reason this other friend knew is because I was telling her about a vacation we went on some time ago.

    And like I said, I make my own money, and I don't ask for his, but when we are out he likes to buy me stuff and we go to nice reastuants. I know most of his friends, mainly fromhis birthday parties and family events I have gone to with him.

    I don't think I am a gold digger, and he doesn't seem to think so. It was bothering me though, thinking about what she said. Thank you Sebastian, Sillylittlepet and defintily L8Night's list of questions. Made things a bit more clear for me. :)
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  9. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

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    Glad about your responses, though I was giving you questions to ask yourself.
    Don't worry about your friend.

    Only one question really matters. Do you feel better about yourself for being with him?

    As long as you can honestly answer this you won't get in to much trouble.
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  10. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Being able to spend money on a sub makes a man feel more dominant. At least it does for me. Sincere generosity can be connected to feelings of dominance and control, in a "noblesse oblige" sort of way. That may very well be why this is an important issue for him.
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