Giving my sub a blowjob?

FTMSovereign · Apr 28, 2011

Let me just mention that I'm a newbie. To both SM and sex. My sub and I are both each others first, and we're not into anything heavy quite right now... I found that I really enjoy giving blow-jobs, but I often am irked at the idea that what I'm doing, I'm being submissive, but I want to start being more dominant... especially when he communicates his desires to me while I'm giving head. I'm considering making him beg somehow, or try using pain somehow. I need some ideas.

Smallest · Apr 29, 2011

If you enjoy giving them, and you're deciding to, then you're still dominant.

If it's really bothering you, don't cave to it when he asks, or make him beg. Or only do it when you decide you'd like to, and let your decisions be final.

Or you could incorporate some sort of pain- him asking you to, or telling you what to do could result in spanking or whatever you decide.

Whatever you decide, talk to your sub about it. Tell him you don't like his controlling when you blow him, and run by the different ideas so you don't do anything he's not okay with.

If you want more specific answers/ideas, just ask and I'll be more frank.

FTMSovereign · Apr 29, 2011

I like the idea of spanking if he asks for it directly. I guess I should be more specific about what I said about being told what to do by him. I told him before to give me feedback and communicate, but I suppose my problem is that I don't like the way he does it. I feel like at this point I know enough to please him, but I'm not crazy about being told what specifically to do. Sometimes he speaks up because it's hurting due to not getting enough surface area though.. I'm wondering if I could use that to torment a bit.

Doctor · Apr 29, 2011

To me it sounds like you do not have a good set of rules established. If you are dom he does not "ask" for a spanking and you do not "give" him a bj. For instance establish a rule that if he does X then the consequence is a spanking. If he then actually wants a spanking he has the option to violate the rule. It could be something as always calling you by a certain name.

For a bj, you dominate by punishing him when he cums without your permission. If you are the dom he isn't allowed to opt out of receiving so it sucks for him, because he may not want whatever punishment you have in store and well inevitably he is going to cum.

sebastian · Apr 29, 2011

You can definitely be dominant and still suck cock. A dom gets to do whatever he wants (within any limits the sub needs). So demand to suck his cock and punish him for not getting hard enough fast enough. Forbid him to cum and then make him cum by your efforts and then punish him for cumming. Make him beg you to stop sucking as he gets close to cumming--some subs can get really desperate to not cum. Or get him close to cumming and then stop. Keep doing that until he starts begging you for permission to cum.

I disagree with Doctor's suggestion to make spanking a punishment for a specific violation. That allows the sub to control when he gets the 'reward' of being spanked (unless the sub really doesn't like being spanked).

Smallest · Apr 29, 2011

sebastian said:
That allows the sub to control when he gets the 'reward' of being spanked.

Definitely something I would never ever try to do. (actually, Master's stopped punishing me before, on basis of me trying to hard to incite him. damn.)

You seem to know what you want, anyway, so explore with your sub, get back to us on what happens.

Doctor · Apr 29, 2011

Sebastian,

I agree with you, but currently it sounds like this relationship is so new the sub is simply directing the dom to spank him. I'm suggesting at the minimum establishing some rules to at least give the appearance the dom is in control and/or start the process of getting control. What it sounds to me like you are saying is just jump right in and dominate. But, given the sub is directing during bj's and asking for spankings will that work? Or will it end up in straining the relationship?

submissivegf07 · Apr 29, 2011

i agree with sebastian too, well i used to ask my bf to spank me as punishment for my bad behavior and he said no, and he explained to me that in that way, i become the one who is in control of the power, because i can misbehave on purpose whenever i want the spanking, given that i love being spanked, and now my punishment is kneel on floor facing a wall/ copy his programing book/ sleep on floor naked with nothing covers my body/ not allowed to use internet/..... all the boring stuff. and after he established these rules, we became dom/sub...lol , they are very effective, they have made me a good girl for my bf...

so back to the topic, i don't think you will lose your power as a dom when you give your sub a blowjob, because you decided to give him one, and you are holding his penis and if you think about it, you are still in control in the sense that if you want him to get more pleasure, you go a little bit deeper, you spin your head, if you want him to cum, you keep doing it until he cum but if you don't you can just stop in the middle of the process!!! and that is control too!

FTMSovereign · Apr 30, 2011

Yes, we're JUST starting out with this, and I do need to establish rules. I decided the first official rule I'd lay down is a bed time since I see him tired and cranky too often.. I used to tell him to get to bed before we recently started bringing SM into the picture. So, now it's a rule, and he got his first official punishment yesterday. I got a rubber chord from the basement, and cleaned it all off, and gave him his first over the knee folded belt spanking. 30 spanks; one for each minute I know of that he stayed up too late. I also established a safety/stop word: Almoner. He said later that it didn't hurt too much, (I went easy) and said that the spanking wasn't really his cup of tea. He doesn't seem to like the spanking. I'm a bit disappointed to be honest, but that's fine. It'll make a fine punishment and I enjoyed it. Let me rephrase: he won't ask for spanking from me... I was saying, if he asks to be sucked he gets a spanking. I also had him count the blows. He sounded like he didn't like saying it. Maybe next time I should tell him to count more cheerfully.
I also had him do a few things for me before I played with his cock and his butt. His "box" was filthy. I got him a tin box with a lock last year, and made him pick out a vibrator for himself, because I found out he was sticking unsanitary household tools up his taint. That I think was his first humiliation... well, there was lubricant all over the inside of the box, when I looked in it, and so I made him clean the nasty out of the box. Then I had him rub my daily lotion on.
Once I got around to playing with his cock I got out of character a bit, and I ended up just making him cum fast. I think I've pretty much mastered the two minute hand job. It's slowing down/figuring out how to make it last longer that I know I personally have to work on. In the meantime, I guess I should just punish him for cumming too soon? I'm trying to get something straight... so, it's normal to punish your subby for something that is actually one's own fault?
After we were done for the night I put on "Where there's a whip there's a way" jokingly. I also had him use the rubber chord on my butt, since I was curious about the sensation. I took a lot more lashes than he did. He got worried when I made a noise, and I reminded him that we had a safety word. I did like the sensation, unlike him. I might like the idea of having him spank me once and a while.
As a last note, Doctor, I don't think any of this will strain our relationship. We're very close to one another and can take a lot of crap from each other. It's been two and a half years so far, and we've talked about getting into SM a bit from the beginning. Part of what brought us together in the beginning was his gender crises, and so naturally we talked a lot about sexuality and things like that from the beginning. He's got a thing for being dominated and role-playing as a girl. I'm really confident can develop a good dynamic that works, and still be a romantic couple.

sebastian · Apr 30, 2011

If he doesn't like spanking, it will make a good punishment for him. It's important that a formal punishment not be something the sub actually enjoys, because that will encourage him to break rules to get the thing he likes.

When I give my slave punishment strokes, he is required to count them out this way. "Sir, one, sir. Sir, thank you, sir. Sir, may I have another, sir?" If he screws up, I repeat that stroke. You could use something like that. Or you could evaluate his cheerfulness each time. "That wasn't cheerful enough, slave. Let's do that one over again." If you want to be a real meanie, when he screws up, go back to number one.

Giving my sub a blowjob?

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