Gay Doms?

L8NightQ · May 6, 2010

I have to admit that I never really thought about it, and yet, I always thought of D/s as hetero, but when I think about it on the gay side I think of the Leather subculture

When I look, I always thought the D/s side was far more advanced in the leather culture than with straights. My first alternative bookstore (Unabridged on Broadway) catered mostly to gay authors. It was the only bookstore I could find that had a section on BDSM and SM. Over half of the books regarding bondage techniques and safety were related to gay culture, and I applied what I thought best and went from there.
It doesn't surprise me though, that on the internet everything is slanted towards hetero sex subculture. Even Kink dot com just started their gay (male) sites relatively recently.
Like everything else on the web, it does tend to settle and balance over time.
If I come across anything in my travels, I'll save it for you. (I travel a lot).

sebastian · May 6, 2010

Well, here's one example. When a man subs for a woman, often he winds up feminized, as if he is surrendering his masculinity to her. But forced fem seems to be fairly rare in the gay community. It's there, but much less common. Instead of the sub surrendering his masulinity, the doms masculinity is exaggerated. Gay doms sometime impose forced workouts on their boys, wheras I've never seen a reference to that in straight d/s play. Gay subs are encouraged to be physically tough, to endure pain in a manly way. I haven't seen as much of this in female subs, but maybe Im wring there.

At the same time, there's a lot of humiliation play in the gay community, a lot about the boy being whored out to other men as a way to demonstrate the boy's debasement. So the whole 'gay promiscuity' thing is quite pronounced. In contrast this sort of thing seems to play a smaller role in straight play. How common is watersports in straight play?

With female subs, there's a serious shadow of domestic violence that, for me at least, hangs over more extreme play. The couple, I would think, needs to confront that in some way. That issue isn't there even in abstract between two men.

sillylittlepet · May 6, 2010

Hmm yeah there's an interesting dynamic between the sexes

I wonder what a D/s relationship between two women would be like!

I wanted to dabble in bdsm with a girl I had a briefly with, but we were both too shy and it wasn't really a serious relationship. I couldn't even figure out if I wanted to domme or submit to her!

What exactly is the leather subculture?

sebastian · May 6, 2010

Leather is the general gay term for d/s activity. As the name implies, it has a strong emphasis on clothing fetishes: leather, uniforms, boots, rubber, Lycra, neoprene, sports gear, and so on. But there's typically a d/s component with a Dom and a sub, a fair amount of verbal abuse and humiliation, bondage, and pain play.

Another difference I see involves femdoms. A lot of femdoms dress in ways that conform to male fantasies: tight corsets, high heels, and other uncomfortable clothing. It's as if the femdom's pleasure is secondary to her male sub's fantasy image of her (Bitchy Jones talks about this a great deal). There's nothing comparable for gaydoms. I can't imagine having to wear uncomfortable clothing because the boy expected it of me, because leather is more explicitly about the dom's pleasure.

sillylittlepet · May 6, 2010

Personally I think bitchy jones always find something to be upset about

There are probably plenty of dommes who genuinely like wearing outfits like that, I have a friend who's a tightlacer just because she likes the way it looks and feels on her

I dont know, there's just so many different kinds of BDSM and people who do it, I feel uncomfortable making generalizations sometimes

I think this thread has wandered off topic =P
sorry....

sluttysub · May 6, 2010

You've made some interesting points. I guess I've just never considered those scenarios (haha, and lack of knowledge on my part!)

sebastian said:
tight corsets, high heels, and other uncomfortable clothing.

I love wearing these things, it make me feel very sexual.

sebastian · May 6, 2010

Silly, I don't agree with everything Bitchy says, but her point about femdom tending to disguise male pleasure as female control rings true. Clearly many femdoms like the tight restrictive clothing, but Bitchy points out how many femdoms refuse to have sex with their subs, which seems to be about denying female pleasure to give the sub the humiliation he craves.

And no, I don't think the thread has wandered off topic. These were the sort of things I wanted help thinking about when I started the thread.

princedorian · Dec 21, 2010

I always seen heterosexual bdsm relationships as more natural (male has a goddess, female a harsh master, etc.) I think that when it comes to homosexual scenario, the awareness of being dominated by the same sex plays a major role. It's much more humiliating, as the same sex tends to compete with each other more (boys try to establish who's the better warrior, etc). I am into humiliation myself, so being a man owned by another man gives me this difficult to describe pleasure than submission to woman would never do.

sebastian · Dec 21, 2010

Prince: how do you mean, 'more natural'? I guess I see dom/sub play between two men as very natural, primal almost. I'm the Real Man, and he's the Pussyboy. Feels totally natural to me.

princedorian · Dec 21, 2010

Sebastian : I just perceive those things differently : opposite sex bdsm relations seem to me more playful, comforting, while same sex ones require more inner struggle.
I know I would treat being a woman's slave as something less demeaning than surrendering my will to another male. I cant explain it in any way, and I'm far from suggesting that one way is superior to other. It's very
subjective, I can only give you an answer based on my impressions. For me, being a slave of a man means a total contradiction to my assumed masculinity. As you know already, I get excited by humiliation, therefore context is
very important to me. When I hear comments on bdsm relations they usually go this way : M/f - "she likes it rough" ; F/m - "oh, he just likes to play this way",
but when it comes to M/m or F/f I hear "I would never stoop to that" , "That's so degrading", etc. This social context suggests which of those is perceived as more natural or playful. I know others would despise me more for
being a man's slave, and that is what makes me so excited about it.

Sorry, I tend to overanalyze things.

Gay Doms?

L8NightQ

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sebastian

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sillylittlepet

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sebastian

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sillylittlepet

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sluttysub

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princedorian

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