Friendly Doms

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by 9onthedime, Feb 3, 2010.

  1. 9onthedime

    9onthedime New Member

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    I don't know much about the BDSM scene but I noticed that most of time Dom's are depicted/described as having this real cold expression, barking orders at their subs, and generally acting as if they resent the sub. I was just curious if Doms ever go the other way ie. smiling at the subs, speaking in an ecouraging voice while still giving out orders and punishments.

    Thank you!!

  2. Click here for more.
    I'm so glad you asked this. SO many people assume all Doms are just cold and distant, and while yes, there are a lot of pretty harsh Doms out there (at least from my limited experience), there are some "tender" Doms out there as well. I myself couldn't handle having another "typical" Dom. I would break down and feel like worthless shit again . . . and nobody wants that, least of all a real/good/proper Dominant. The Doms I find myself far more attracted to are caring, loving, and sensitive . . . all while Dominating their bottom (ie, you're such a good little girl, etc). Perhaps someone else could better explain the latter piece of my description, but I just wanted to make sure you knew there definitely ARE "friendly" Doms out there :) Look up the term "Daddy Dom". . . those are my kinds of Doms :)
  3. subspace

    subspace Member

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    Grey almost always places a "please" before all commands. The please is an amazing contrast to his purely dominate demeanor and can send chills faster than any barked order.

  4. Click here for more.
    Yes, my master has a very caring nature too :)

    It's very important for a dom to respect their sub, and care for them. My master enourages me to try new things all the time, often physically painful things, and because I am still not very good with pain, I will get scared, sometimes breaking down in tears :( But he will be gentle, and reassuring, wanting me to succeed not just to please him, but to prove to myself that I am capable of enduring whatever new painful practice he has chosen.

    We do a lot of costume role play too, and the majority of his 'characters' are pretty nasty, harsh, unforgiving. He is aggressive, both physically and verbally, but takes care to remain self aware throughout, to make sure nothing goes wrong. He will occasionally slip out of character momentarily, to ask me if I am okay, and if I drop my safetoy, he stops what he is doing immediately.
  5. kittengrey

    kittengrey Member

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    The "cold uncaring" dom is very very stereotypical. Sure, there are doms who are this way, but most doms are very caring and loving towards their subs. The bases of the BDSM relationship is trust and respect, and it goes both ways. Both the dom and sub have to trust each other as well as respect each other's position in the lifestyle.
    My Master is also my soon-to-be husband, so of course he is completely caring, and normally we're laughing our asses off together, in or out of the lifestyle.

  6. Click here for more.
    Innocent facade brought up an excellent point. The really cold, seemingly abuse Doms are stereo typical. Daddy Doms are known for being nurturing and stern but in a more gentle way. That's not to say a Daddy Dom won't paddle your ass as hard as the unfriendly Doms. Daddy Doms are obviously called a such because they are into age play or having a 'little girl.' Personally, this is my favorite kind...being Daddy's little girl is such a joy to me that I almost want to thank my father for never being around, thus creating this need for a Daddy.

    When I first got into the lifestyle I fantasized about being beaten and having a very stern Dom but over time I realized I needed a nurturing Dom who was willing to put on His 'angry face' as part of kinky sex. I don't want a Dom that talks down to me unless we are playing or I am really naughty. I don't feel good getting humiliated or degraded. I respond to positive reinforcement. I strive to do well and behave to earn a 'You make Daddy very proud' not just so I can avoid a beating. A good spanking once in a while is a reminder that Daddy is kind because He cares, not because He is weak.

    Good luck in your search! The journey is long and can be confusing but it's so worth it.

  7. Click here for more.
    *happy tears* BlueLagoon, you've made my day :D I'm so glad I'm not alone in this. . . I KNOW I'm not alone, but this is the closest encounter I've had with someone else into Daddys :) Glad to see your beautiful self is back round!

    Oh and if you happen to run across a Daddy looking for a little girl, send him my way :p
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2010

  8. Click here for more.
    I can't tell you how happy it makes me to be able to offer advice and aid somebody else in their journey into BDSM, much like so many of you helped me in mine. :)
  9. kittengrey

    kittengrey Member

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    I had a dream where my father tried to dom me, then tried to have sex with me, and he was literally losing his mind. I fricken woke up so horrified, but I couldn't get myself to wake up fully and had to nudge Master so he could help me wake up the rest of the way.
    I wasn't personally into the Daddy Dom style, but after that dream the 'daddy dom' almost disturbs me, no offense guys.
  10. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    When I'm in normal dom mode, I'm pretty evil--I smile a lot, but not in a good way. My 'beast' has a definite predator element to it. But puppy play brings out a very different side of me. I want to praise my pup, encourage him, and just play with him. I'm not really a dog person, so I don't know why pup play does this. Maybe deep down I feel that being mean to an animal is wrong because the animal can't consent.
  11. painpig_m

    painpig_m New Member

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    Yes when I switch I'm friendly with the sub, but often I don't find the sam is true when I sub to others.
  12. ReallyGreen

    ReallyGreen Member

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    Most Doms are not evil sadistic sociopaths. They just roleplay one.

    Or to say it in today speak: "BDSM is primarily cosplay LARPing. Any similarity to human trafficking or actual cruel and unusual punishment is intended purely for entertainment purposes and do not reflect the actual moral values or lifestyle of the participants."
    Last edited: Feb 17, 2010
  13. Death

    Death Member

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    I'm definitely the friendly type of dom. While I'd be very stern towards my slave, often, I'd treat her extremely well, otherwise... I'd even consider myself to finish her raising, and she'd obviously feel the same. I'd punish her harshly at times, but only in order to make her the best slave possible... my perfect little girl.

    My ex that I don't really want to talk about actually called me daddy, a few times... I liked it, but I'd never refer to myself, that way. I was actually, in a way, going to be her replacement "dad" in a way... he was a horrible man and I wanted her to see me as his replacement. But yeah, that whole thing went down the drain through her destructive behaviour... whatever, though. -_-

    If I ever find my real true love, I'd never see myself as a true likeness to a dad to her, and I couldn't have her see it that way, either. But in a way, I would kind of be a parent to her, and I would raise her and take care of her... and she'd always be my little girl.... never quite a full adult in my eyes.
  14. Sub4Life

    Sub4Life Member

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    My Master is very caring and gentle. When I displease him my punishments can be brutal, but as long as I am good and I obey him, he is very kind. He could Kind of fit the mold of a Daddy dom, without being a daddy dom. If that mades sense . :/ I call him daddy sometimes, but more in a teasing way, or in a way to just show his power over me. Not that I am pretending he is myreal dad.

    He is only truley cruel or mean when we are playing.
  15. WmaGuy

    WmaGuy Member

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    I never really thought of the "Daddy-Dom" moniker, but I suppose that closely describes me. I had an ex describe me as: "A gentle Dom" - describing my demeanor. I have seem videos of some of the stereotypical Doms and honestly - they make me cringe a bit. I don't begrudge them their demeanor - or the subs who are into it, but that's just not me. I'm quiet, but stern when I need to be. We may have an "intense" session together, but I will do things like draw a bath, undress my sub, then carry her to the candlelit tub, give her a massage, fix her a drink or snack, feed her, or just curl up by the fire...Thus far, I have not run into anyone who requests the harsher - more humiliating side of BDSM and I suppose if I did, I'd have to reach very far outside myself to accommodate....It's just not a part of who I am as a person and not how I like to behave behind closed doors...

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