Finding a sub

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by dac12, Jul 1, 2012.

  1. dac12

    dac12 New Member

    First off hi everyone.

    So I've found myself in a predicament, I've been trying to find a sub for a little over a year now, but haven't found any girl willing because of my lack of experience. Which of course leads to the problem that I need a girl to gain experience. So does anyone have any advice on how to find a sub with these problems?
    also sorry if I posted this in the wrong section.
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  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Have you made contact with your local munch? That's a good place for novices to start looking.
  3. kalashnikova

    kalashnikova New Member

    to be honest, and this might be just my nosy sub friends, but they're all always looking for super experienced doms. i'd request to do as ive done when ive wanted to being picked up by a dom - fetish bars, forums, sexshops. thats where the kinky girls are.
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  4. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Keep in mind that as a dom, even an inexperienced one, you are a more rare commodity than a sub. So you have the upper hand, even apart from dom/sub interactions. You ought to be able to find a sub who is eager enough for a dom that s/he will overlook your inexperience.
  5. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    Aw Sebby, you're making me feel unimportant :(

    To the OP: I suggest you find a dom to mentor you, so that even if you don't have experience with a sub exactly, you have experience, and have had someone give yo an idea of what's okay and what's not, and so on. As I'm sure you know, there are reasons subs look for experienced doms, and it has to do with safety and trustworthiness.

    But even if you don't find a mentor, just keep trying. Don't sell yourself on needing experience, but on the aspects that make you unique and good. Focus on individual subs, not on mass messaging. A lot of supposedly experienced "doms" on dating sites and Fet and CM and so on are assholes, so if you're not, you have an advantage.
  6. RopeRanger

    RopeRanger Member

    smallest is right on target.

    You don't have to be experienced as long as you project self-assured, confident, dominate traits and don't come across as a jerk.
  7. Brock

    Brock New Member

    From my own perspective, I have found that experience was never necessary.
    Being Dom is purely a state of mind.
    When I first stepped into the role, I found it very comfortable. I simply enter the room with the expectation that things will go my way. I found that a new tone of voice and a posture that commands respect is usually enough to direct the situation however I want.

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