Fetlife....any good experiences with that?

MrWolfgang · Jul 27, 2012

Just joined up over there because Im in a relitivly small southern town and was pleasently suprised at the amount of people on there. Hell, there was even a local meet and greet this month. Believe I may have recognized a few of themn. So, I guess what Im asking is if anyone has had good experiences thruough that (or something similar) and/or has made any good contacts with it? Or.....is it a "wade through the bullshit" to find someone real type thing? Would be nice to know.

Side note - Im probally not going to pursue the meet and greet (or munch) just for the fact that me and the wife are dug into that proverbial closet like an alabama tick. Aint a comin' out....no time soon anyways.

Thanks for any feedback. And yall have a good un'.

Moonlight · Jul 27, 2012

I have a couple really good friends on there. One I already knew and two I met through a local group.

Sweet Tears · Jul 28, 2012

I joined yesterday and subscribed to a couple discussion groups. I browsed around but haven't spent too much time there. I love SMplace and the individuals on here but it seems I would be able to meet more people in the area I live with Fetlife.

wendywatkins · Jul 28, 2012

I love fetlife! It is a great resource if you either need help/ideas, looking for play partners, or looking for friends in the scene. I only add people I've met in person, so that helps narrow down the b/s. But I do go to meet and greets. They are awesome and generally pretty discreet if you ever did decide to go to one

Smallest · Jul 28, 2012

I like it. The groups make great forums, and it's a good way to find meets and so on.

sebastian · Jul 28, 2012

I've chatted a little on Fetlife, but never met anyone there--its not really set up as a dating site.

It's also worth noting that there seems to be a slowly growing backlash against Fetlife. They've been accused of using their editorial powers to protect rapists. They have a fairly standard policy of deleting posts and threads that include accusations of rape made by victims against doms. While this is controversial (what if such accusations are false?), the policy does seem to benefit rapists at the expense of actual and future victims. Fetlife insists that their policy is to delete reference to illegal activities (so they delete discussions of pedophilia), but this ignores the fact that a lot of BDSM practice, such as much pain play, is technically illegal. They've also been accused to turning a blind eye to transphobic behavior.

They also lack real privacy controls--you can't control who sees your profile.

Some kinksters also object that Fetlife is essentially establishing hegemony, pulling in so many kinksters that they are in danger of becoming the primary online forum for BDSM discussion. That amplifies the effect of other things people object to, making them harder to ignore. It risks creating a 'kinky ghetto'--kinky people congregate primarily on Fetlife, which minimizes their appearance elsewhere on the web. Personally, I'm not persuaded by this last charge, but it is worth considering. But their growing hegemony does multiply the consequences of their willingness to censor things like discussions of rape.

Finally, it's worth remembering that Fetlife, like Facebook, is a commercial venture. John Baku makes his living running Fetlife. That doesn't invalidate it, but I do think it's important to recognize. As with Facebook, on Fetlife you are not the customer, you're the product; the advertisers are the customers.

Aramis491 · Aug 20, 2012

I've been on it for a couple of years, but Because of bad past experience, I prefer to use it for chat, rather than meeting anyone local.

Nuka · Aug 21, 2012

I'm on there and have had some privacy issues from outside parties. But all in all I've had good experiences. If you use it as a networking site you should be fine. As with everything on the internet, don't take it at face value and be careful what you post (pics, writing, vids, etc).

Fetlife....any good experiences with that?

MrWolfgang

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Moonlight

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Sweet Tears

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wendywatkins

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Smallest

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sebastian

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Aramis491

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Nuka

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