Fetish Rant

Discussion in 'Section open for any subject to discuss' started by Sial'tes, Jun 6, 2010.

  1. Sial'tes

    Sial'tes New Member

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    Didn't know where to put this. Feel free to move.

    So I have this really complicated fetish that has to do with Master/Slave-pet scenes. It's complicated because everything about it has specifics and rules. It makes it so hard to find anyone willing to participate, it's hard enough finding anyone in my area as is because this kind of thing is like total taboo.

    My husband is OKAY with me fulfilling my fetishes, not that many of them actually include sexual encounters. However, I have a kid, and it's hindering to find anyone. On top of the rules, having a partner, it being taboo to most as is, AND a kid, it's impossible for me to find anyone! My guidelines aren't even that bad... but bad enough I suppose.

    Those are my rules. They do seem strict... people don't seem to get what "No intercourse" means. -- I know most of the time these things do include sex, but this particular fetish is not about sex, it is more like being a 'workhorse'. A slap on the rump or being pinned down, stuff like that is totally okay. I've explained this many times over with many different, potential owners.

    Anyways I'm mentally frustrated that I can't do this anymore, that I can't find a long-term owner, because of a kid, and the other various reasons given above. I just want to SCREAM and sometimes break all of this off but I know I can't.

    Eventually I think I'm going to explode... it's a passion going unfulfilled. :(
    Last edited: Jun 6, 2010
  2. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

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    and your husband doesn't want to do this with you.... why?
  3. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Sial, one issue you're running into is that dominants like being in charge and in control--that's what makes someone dominant. When a sub puts a lot of restrictions on what can be done, the dominant feels like he/she isn't really in charge and is just obeying the sub. That's an extremely frustrating position to be put into. When I play with a boy who's a 'pushy bottom', I don't play with that boy again, because he prevents me from getting what I want out of the scene. You're presenting yourself as a sub, but in a lot of ways you want to be in charge.

    Another problem here is, frankly, you're being hypocritical. You have a husband and a child, and therefore have serious obligations on your availability. And yet you want your dom to be unencumbered by any sort of relationship that might prevent him/her for being available for you. And he/she has to be good looking. That's simply unreasonable. If you get to have a husband, your dom gets to have a partner too. Furthermore, your dom doesn't get to have sex with you. So you want someone who is attractive, single, semi-celibate, and available when you happen to have time to play. Lots of dom/sub couples do not engage in sex, but your demands here are simply unreasonable. Honestly, it seems like you want the bdsm equivalent of a romance novel hero.

    You're also being contradictory. You want to be pushy and lazy simultaneously, evidently as the mood takes you. So your dom essentially has to be a mind-reader, knowing when he/she needs to take control and force you to do things and when he/she needs to let you run the show and pamper you.

    I'm going to be blunt. I can't imagine someone actually agreeing to all of these conditions. I certainly wouldn't, even if you were my total fantasy physically. I realize that this package of things is your fantasy and you're frustrated by not finding a way to live it out, but you need to take a long hard look at your list of demands and decide which is more important--compromising on some of them for the sake of getting part of the fantasy, or holding on to the total package and probably never getting it.

    There is one fairly clear solution--find a prodom and pay for it. There are lots of female prodoms who will be willing to enact such a scene, and will be very happy to not have sex with you. Straight male prodoms are more rare, but you might find a gay prodom (since sex isn't involved) or you might find an escort who would do it (again, probably gay, since there isn't much demand for straight male escorts). Depending on where you live, finding any sex workers at all might be a challenge, so you might need to take a trip to the big city to play this out.
  4. Sial'tes

    Sial'tes New Member

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    @sillylittlepet - It isn't about my husband playing the role it's about someone else playing the role, which is why he isn't doing it.

    @sebastian - Thank you for being upfront about the situation. I understand that the owner would be in charge and there is no problem with that. Stripping or going nude is fine and does not pose as a restriction to the owner, a slap on the ass is no big deal, getting bathed is nothing. I however do not want any form of sex wrapped into the package. I could be pinned, restrained, bound up, whatever.

    As it says, the owner can not be in an existing relationship. I've experienced far too many times with people being married and then stripped from the role because their partner then forbids them from playing their role with me, same goes with any serious relationship. I should have made it more clear. The owner is not forbidden from seeking out sex with other partners, but for a fresh start, should be single at the time that they begin the role as the owner.

    I require the owner to be attractive, and I'm going to be honest, primarily because I don't want to be bossed around by a bald fat guy... or anything beneath my own appeal... and that isn't trying to sound rude, but it's fact that I would lose interest really quickly if I had to continue staring down someone who was not physically attractive to me.

    My role once again is to be more like a workhorse. It isn't about sex, it's about getting me to do what they want. Consider it in depth roleplay. If I'm being reluctant I would expect the owner to get me off my ass and get whatever it is done what they're demanding be done. Also, I work with the owners schedule for the most part, not work my way in whenever I can.

    I'm not sure how else to better explain this. In a way, you're right, I am being pushy because there has to be certain boundaries. If I'm being lazy, they should do something to get me off my ass and do it, it's not about mind reading, if I don't want to do something they should have the balls and means to get me going.

    So maybe I should have went a little more in-depth with my rant about the situation. I'm pretty sure I've missed out on some other important details having written this too, but hopefully it covers a bit more on the subject.
  5. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

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    you want someone other than your husband to be your owner?


    that seems a little silly

    it seems like you just want someone to boss you around.
  6. Sial'tes

    Sial'tes New Member

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    It's no different than any other open relationship, just different expectations and results. It is like being bossed around in a way. :rolleyes: A slave would let their master do whatever they wanted to do to them as long as they didn't do what is not allowed, this is pretty much the same thing.

    For instance, if someone isn't into scat those two people have come to an agreement that it's not allowed, but lets say demanding their slave to get on their hands and knees was okay, or to walk around like a dog, it's no big deal because it's on the "okay list", in a sense.

    Me being made to do something, even as petty as bitch work, is being a slave, and in return being bathed like a pet for my labor... well, it's all in good fun and roleplay.

    What is wrong with this?
  7. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Sial, let me say that I'm not offended by what you're looking for. It's your life and you have a right to impose any standards or goals you find appropriate. So please don't think that I'm angry. I'm really just trying to give you an unbiased perspective that might help you figure out how to achieve your fantasy.

    I completely understand why you don't want your owner to have a partner. It definitely complicates the situation and raises the possibility of just exactly what you described. But the fact remains that it's unrealistic. I honestly don't think you're going to find someone who is attractive, single, available to work around your schedule, and willing to forego sex. I think you're going to have to reconcile yourself to finding an owner who has a partner. Perhaps your best option would be to find your local munch and look for a dom who is willing to add you to his stable. If you're in or near a big city, there's a good chance you can find such a man, but in a smaller town or rural environment, your choices are going to be more limited. And in all likelihood, you'll have to reconcile yourself to sharing him. There are far fewer doms than subs, and of those doms, only a subset are attractive men. Those men get to pick and choose the subs they accept, so any competent attractive dom you run into is very likely to be partnered and quite possibly have a sub or two on the side.

    Also, keep in mind that while your fantasy makes sense to you, it may not make complete sense to those outside it. While I sort of understand how you see the balance between pampering you and pushing you, it still looks a good deal like mind-reading to me. You'll have to be very clear with your dom, and I think you'll have to accept some modification there as well.

    Have you thought about trying to persuade your husband to dom you? That would seem to resolve a number of the problems. Vanilla guys can sometimes be persuaded to dom their partners, esp. if you're not asking for lots of pain, bondage, or whatever. I'm guessing you have tried that, but if you haven't, I'd recommend exploring that option.
  8. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

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    Nothing is wrong with your fetish

    I just don't get why you don't want your husband to be your dom
    I mean, he already knows what you want cuz you said he was okay with it

    so... is he not attractive and single enough? (hehe)
  9. Sial'tes

    Sial'tes New Member

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    He is very attractive. This is the thrill of it being someone else. My husband fulfills my immediate desires which another person could not. My husband can fuck me, he can give me the treatment that I lust for, but not also the lust for having someone else. As I've said it's a complicated matter. This is not the kind of thing where I would want to introduce just anybody into this scene, there are stipulations. I really don't know how to explain this any further... maybe it is a silly thing to want, but it is a real passion for me.

    sebastian, I know you're not offended, and I'm not offended by the either of you posting here. It is a great relief for me to at least talk about this and it being acknowledged. Some fantasies may never came true, and me getting this out to other people is a great help.

    My husband is already a dom, but as I've said above it's about introducing someone else to play a fairly different role in my life. While I love my husband as the dom, and giving me everything I enjoy(I do like pain, and various other things... I just cant foresee letting someone else inflict such treatment on me), the thrill of someone else, with different standards, sets me off. I'm not sure why... this probably would have made better sense had I just mentioned this in the beginning.

    Anyway, I'm going to figure something out. Thanks for the suggestions. :)
  10. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Sial, I'm glad this is at least providing some psychological relief. We like helping.

    Given that this is really about exploring submission with a different dom, I think your best bet is to find a dom who already has other commitments and ask to join his stable under the terms you've outlined. Yes you will have to share him and coordinating play time will be tricky. But I think that's the closest you're realistically going to find to what you're looking for. Or pay a prodom or escort for the service, which will give you absolute control over what's going to happen.

    Good luck.
  11. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

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    I'm going to have to agree with Sebastian!

    BDSM without the sex would blow (and not in the awesome way)

    you're gonna have to find a guy like sparrow with a harem of subs
    or pay someone to enact your totally platonic d/s relationship
  12. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Silly, you know, the more I get into bdsm, the more I find it to be an alternative form of sex. I love torturing a boy, and while I like getting sucked or fucking him as part of it, I don't have to have any attention to my cock for me to enjoy it. I like playing with the boy's cock, and jacking him off, but I suppose I could have fun without that either.
  13. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

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    That's a pretty curious idea, since its exactly the opposite for me! If my master didn't interact with me sexually I would disappointed. The same would be true if I wasn't allowed to do anything to him
    Do you (seb) and your boy(s?) still get aroused even if there's no stimulation to either cocks?

    Would Sail'tes not be sexually excited by her dom?

    I couldn't imagine bdsm without sex, and I'm talking about sexuality here. Maybe I'm just not eloquent enough to make this idea clear. Even if there's no fornication going on, a lot of bdsm is still sexual. I don't ask my master to spank me because just because the feeling is pleasant, I do it because it arouses me and makes me sexually excited.

    This thread is making me want to ask a lot of questions! And the only posters are the OP, seb, and myself lol

    There are so many ways to interpret bdsm, I guess that's the lesson here! :p
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2010
  14. TerribleT

    TerribleT Member

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    :cool: I lurk!
  15. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Silly, I can get rock hard during BDSM without anyone touching my cock. Inflicting pain, especially once the boy starts to react to it, really turns me on. I have done scenes in which the boy never touched my cock directly, and found them enjoyable. Not as enjoyable as those in which my cock get serviced, but enjoyable.

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