Female being dominated but using strapon?

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by arcan, Oct 11, 2012.

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  1. arcan

    arcan New Member

    Hi everyone. So This feels like a bit of a unique situation, as I cant seem to find any other mention of it on the interwebs. For the most part, I am the dom and my wife is the sub. This is a scenario that works quite well for us, except for one thing: I love anal stimulation. For a while, I thought that made me a sub, and I got off on things like her wearing her strapon and reversing the roles. I guess there is a bit of a sub in me somewhere. We have both been willing to explore this side, and have found a few areas that are exciting, but I have come to the realization that its mostly the anal play/stimulation that I am interested in, and not really being dominated.

    We both prefer her to be the sub, so I am trying to think of ways to incorporate my desire into our play. I think our exploration of me being a sub has associated any anal with that, so I am trying to break that connection. I am having a hard time making a connection from her penetrating me to me dominating her.

    Any advice?
     
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  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Enjoying anal play doesn't automatically make you a sub. It's important to draw a distinction between top/bottom, which is about giving/receiving (pain, humiliation, orders, bondage, penetration), and dom/sub, which is about who is giving/receiving orders. If I spank you, I'm a spanking top and you're a spanking bottom. But if I spank you because you've ordered me to spank you, I'm the sub and you're the dom. There are many doms who enjoy being tied up, tortured, and fucked. Their subs are acting as living sex toys to give their doms the pleasure the dom wishes.

    So if you want to be dominant while you're getting pegged, simply frame it as part of your control of the scene. "Ok, slave, put on the dildo now and fuck me. I want you to do more aggressively than last time. If I'm not satisfied with your efforts, I'm going to take it out on your ass."

    Now, this doesn't mean you're not submissive. You might be. Most doms that I've known have at least some submissive in them--I do. Being submissive occassionally is very good training for being dominant. It helps you get into the submissive's mindset and see things from her perspective.
     
  3. arcan

    arcan New Member

    Thank you. This is helpful. I do see myself being a little bit submissive, as thats where the original desire to be pegged came from. I am certainly more dominant than submissive though, and the stimulation of the penetration is most of what I am after on the other side.

    Thanks for the tips.
     
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