Face sitting /suffocation

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by MistressMaria86, Sep 24, 2013.

  1. Hi all,

    So on Sat night I saw 'my sub'. I put this in inverted commas as its a been a while since we saw each other and we have a bit of a strange deal going on - i'll explain more as I explain the scenario.

    So I was at his. He was having a flat warming party and had quite a few friends round. I hadn't seen him in a while and I didn't really know anyone else there. The night wore on he was drinking a fair amount, I don't drink at all. Subconsciously at some point in the night I decided I was going to try and be the last guest (bar the other housemates of course and one person who was staying on the sofa). We were texting (without the others knowing and hinting that some 'fun time' - our word for D/s play might occur. As I came up to go the the bathroom he did too and made it clear he wanted to indulge. I will more or less always agree (even though I am 'the Dom' as I have quite a big crush on him despite knowing he is not interested in me in that way.

    In fact in some ways I feel for him - he needs D/s in his life and unfortunately the only way he can get it (to date) is to do it with me - someone who he isn't really attracted to. So eventually everyone disappeared and we went upstairs (having pretended to say good bye just I case the visitor heard although I don't think she was that daft - although he reckoned he didn't give a poop by that point lol).

    Unusually (and I am sure it was a combination of alcohol and it had been a while) he went for kissing on the lips (something he doesn't normally do). I tried to tell him I didn't want him to do anything he would regret in the morning (I cant bear to be the 'oh God what did I do last night girl in his eyes'). He reckoned that he wouldn't regret anything and wasn't I enjoying it all. Its funny he really believes that I enjoy all 'this stuff'. To a point I do but its more because I know he enjoys it and its the only way I can get close to him.

    So things progress (we had to be pretty quiet and so I couldn't do the cropping I wanted to) and eventually he was pulling me towards him (not something he has done before) and making suggestions about what he wanted. Basically it seems he wants me to sit on his face and suffocate him with my well you know front lady part and also to lick and clean my butt. I am still very hesitant to do this even though he insists he wont be disgusted or freaked out. I guess its because we are not in a b/f g/f relationship that I worry whether he REALLY wants to do something that intimate. Maybe its actually me that's scared - well actually I know I am for so many reasons:

    1) Am not sure how flexible I am and what it would require (getting cramp is not ideal).

    2)Grooming issues ....surely everything needs to be completely gone?!

    3)Shape, taste etc - Can I really cope with him licking me or even just putting that bit of me on his mouth??

    I am torn between wanting to do everything he wants because of how I feel about him but obviously because this doesn't come naturally to me and actually its not that much of a turn on for me I keep being reluctant.

    I am not really sure what kind of advice I am after but if anyone has any thoughts I would appreciate them.

    As you can probably tell its not a 'typical' D/s relationship but it sort of works for us to a point.

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  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Maria, it sounds to me like the heart of your concern is your body issues. We've discussed this a little in the past, so I hope I'm not out of line here. But you seem to feel like your ass and vagina are 'dirty', so you're freaking out a bit that he might want to lick and kiss them. I've got several thoughts here, in no particular order:

    1) Rimming is somewhat unsanitary, but if you clean yourself with a wash cloth, it's not especially risky.
    2) He may like doing this sort of oral play precisely because it's 'dirty'. So what you're worried about might be what turns him on.
    3) Most people who aren't gay men feel that their anus is 'dirty'. Most gay men who explore anal wind up shedding that inhibition. While it is unsanitary, it can also be a pleasure organ. And of course, your lady parts are definitely pleasure organs. So you might spend some time exploring them that way. You might try taking a warm shower and gently exploring your body and what feels good. Try letting warm water run over your anus or vagina, or masturbate a little or play with a toy. Just get used to experiencing pleasure there and picturing yourself receiving pleasure.
    4) I've mentioned this before, but I think you need to assert more control with him. Insist that he does what you want, and then use what he wants as a reward or a motivator. You're the domme. You're in charge.

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