I am currently in a D&S relationship with a woman. She is a textbook sub; works in a high stress job that requires her to be in control and make a lot of executive decisions constantly. She loves the release of responsibility that my dominance over her provides. We are in love. Our non-D&S sex is also fantastic. We can be intimate and sweet and caring for each other and every encounter is completely amazing. There are no problems with our sex life... our chemistry is fantastic. However, both of us want to make sure that the D&S side of our relationship doesn't suffer. We both love it and become intensely gratified by our scenes. If I go too long without exerting dominance over her, we slip into a more comfortable relaxed, but not as gratifying situation. Sometimes she has difficulty allowing me to dominate her, and I accept part of the responsibility for that. There are times when her head just isn't into it and times when she is being stubborn and doesn't allow herself to be dominated. (And yes, I've explored and recognize when her stubbornness is a part of our play.) She counts on me to create the atmosphere that allows both me to be dominant and her to be submissive. There are times that no matter what I try, I can not create the proper conditions to nurture the D&S side of our relationship. I am looking for advice on how to initiate and maintain dominance. My question is: How do you transition between two people who enjoy each others company and are having fun together, to D&S? What techniques do you use? And what do you do if/when your submissive simply won't or can not get into the scene, knowing that their refusal is not a part of their submission? The reality of the situation is that any sub has the choice to say to themselves "you know what? I'm not going to allow this right now." My problem is that when I fail to create the correct atmosphere that allows her to be submissive, I start to lose confidence that I CAN create the proper conditions. As we all know, lack of confidence is dominance cyanide. Trust, comfort and communication are not issues here. She trusts me very much. We communicate very very well and she is comfortable allowing herself to submit, when the conditions are right. Any thoughts, opinions or suggestions?