Emotional Attachment?

l0v3ly · Feb 18, 2012

I was wondering if any of you more experience doms out there have any tips for preventing getting emotionally attatched to your sub or at least how to put any sort of attatchment to your sub behind you during play. I'm still fairly new to the scene, and that seems to be the biggest issue for me. It never stops me from wanting to play with my sub once we get started, but it just makes some things difficult until then or after.

Anna2 · Feb 19, 2012

Why would you not want to get attached to your sub? I can't really imagine being submissive to someone unless there was some kind of attachment there at least on some level. That doesn't mean you have to be out looking for marriage but not wanting to get attached at all seems like you might be limiting yourself.

sebastian · Feb 19, 2012

Lovely, it depends on what you mean by 'attached'. Do you mean that you feel a sense of respect for your sub, and that makes it hard to spank her or do whatever else you want to do to her? Or do you mean that you don't want to risk falling in love with her, that you want to be able to just walk away after a one-session fling?

l0v3ly · Feb 19, 2012

Anna well yes I understand that there has to be some sort of attatchment. I'm talking about something a little more intense than just the normal attatchment.

Sebastian, it's a little bit of both. Definitely more the "don't want to risk falling in love with her, that you want to be able to just walk away after a one-session fling" though. Although I'm pretty sure I'm past that point. And we aren't just a one session fling...I've been her mistress on and off for about a year now, but the wanting to be able to just walk away thing is spot on.

sebastian · Feb 21, 2012

BDSM can be a powerful bonding force. For me, when a sub lowers his defenses and lets me in to see the genuine him, I find it very compelling. And when he lets me torture him, I want to take care of him. I think that many doms feel something similar, or variations on that. In fact, I tend to worry a little about the doms who DON'T bond with their subs at least a little. Holding the sub at arm's length while you torture them seems sort of wrong to me.

l0v3ly · Feb 21, 2012

Right. I agree with you there. I must not be doing a good job in explaining what I mean. I'm not talking about having just a bond with my sub. I know that we need to get along and have a bond. I'm talking about keeping yourself from getting TOO attatched to your sub. I feel like unless you're actually dating outside of the sub/dom relationship (which my sub and I are not and cannot) it's not normal to let yourself, especially as the dom, fall for the other. Or maybe I'm wrong here but to me that doesn't seem normal or healthy for our d/s relationship either for that matter. I feel like it should just be "you are my sub. I am your dom. I treat you like a fuck toy, and then leave until next time." Or am I wrong?

Kor · Feb 21, 2012

sebastian said:
Holding the sub at arm's length while you torture them seems sort of wrong to me.

As I've said before, I view BDSM as a form of enhanced communication...

sebastian · Feb 21, 2012

Lovely, I think that's just a regular risk of any sort of sexual activity.

Anna2 · Feb 21, 2012

I guess the question is whether or not it's okay to have sex with someone you don't love or care about. This is definately a matter of opinion. I don't think it's very satisfying to have sex with someone you have no feelings for, but that's me. Not everyone feels that way.

l0v3ly · Mar 14, 2012

So none of you doms are ever able to play with a sub without falling for them? That doesn't seem truthful to me.

Emotional Attachment?

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