Dom to Dom etiquette question

sebastian · Apr 21, 2010

In the Old Guard gay leather world, there was a very strict protocol for these interactions. The Dom sent his boy to ask a second dom's boy to ask the second Dom if he would welcome interaction with the first Dom. Until the second Dom granted interaction, it was inappropriate for the first Dom to make personal contact with either the second dom or his boy. The system, however, is moribund, sibce the Old Guard are now quite old (60s and 70s), and as younger leathermen entered the scene without Old Guard training, the system couldn't perpetuate itself.

I've never heard of anything that formal in the straight d/s community, but perhaps Sparrow or Wmaguy know of something

And while violence might be amusing to contemplate, don't do it. It will give the other Dom legal recourse and you will never be able to defend yourself in court. "your honor, I hit him because he was talking to my slave."

Mistress_Andrea · Apr 21, 2010

I hate being called peeps... reminds me of that awful marshmallow Easter candy.

I don't really see the issue... if you don't want contact and your sub obeys your wishes to not have contact with him, then his attempts at contacting her should be falling on deaf ears. If your sub is continuing contact with another dom after you forbid it then she isn't really yours anyway and you have bigger problems. If your sub is ignoring him and wants nothing to do with him but you can't do the same and want to beat his ass for the pure fact that another dom is after your sub, then you either have anger issues or issues with your self-esteem... neither or which are good traits in a dom.

decadentangel · Apr 21, 2010

thanks so much for you input. i'd like to say that the issue has been dealt with without violence. now all i have to worry about is setting up another scenario and learning how to tie a good harness!!!

happy playing everyone

L8NightQ · Apr 23, 2010

I agree with Mistress_Andrea - If she's yours you have no problem. Your control is over her. He can ask, but she should direct any conversation at all to you.

Regarding the harnesses, I can help with that. Let me know. I don't post them here because some of them violate copyright infringement laws of this site.

Sparrow69 · Apr 25, 2010

Sebastian isnt far off with how the situation is faced. Its a formal show of respect, which hasnt changed since the Renaissance. if your interested in playing with another dom's sub, you don't ask the sub in question, you have one of your own ask the sub in question if they are open to sych advances, and if so to please discuss it with their own dom and have them contact you to arrange particulars if they choose to.

In olden times, kings would send members of their court to other kings, as an offer of exchange and asking as a messenger for the request. I suppose that would also be acceptable in this case, as generally a dome being asked if their sub could be signed out on loan may insist on a swap for the duration of the play, and if no suitable swap is available, then no exchange would occur. This method allows both doms to save face. the one with the request is not shunned, and the one being asked can politely decline.

decadentangel · Apr 28, 2010

thats what i thought. i figured itwas all about being respectful. and no, the other dom never offered me anything in return so there was no even exchange. i just so happened to get a jerk who thought he could swoop in, take what he wanted and be done with it. rest assured guys, the situation is under control and i haven't heard from him in two weeks. my sub hasn't had any contact with him either. l8nightq: i'll pm you for the harness info.

thanks again everyone for your help.

sebastian · Apr 28, 2010

Glad it worked out well. Hopefully it's strengthened your relationship with your sub.

Please stay around and participate in the forum. We always like the insights of others into the issues we discuss

decadentangel · Apr 28, 2010

i have been reading around this forum quite abit. and i'm enjoying what i read from it. i've decided how i'm going to punish my sub when she misbehaves. it's so evil.....lol.

Dom to Dom etiquette question

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