Dom to Dom etiquette question

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by decadentangel, Apr 21, 2010.

  1. decadentangel

    decadentangel New Member

    ok peeps! i have a slight problem. i have another dom who i don't even know contacting my sub. he has also offered her his collar even though he knows that she has already been collared. he's asked what her limits are and has asked for play. i have denied his request for asignation because he has gone around me instead of coming to me and asking me. he's continued to be obnoxious and doesn't treat me with any respect. how do i resolve this issue? i've been firm with him and he keeps persisting in matters that are none of his business. i'm not sure where to go from here. i've heard some talk about challenging him but i'm not reall sure what that means exactly. any help you guys have would be appreciated. :)
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  2. master jey

    master jey Moderator

    simplest way is to beat his face ^^
  3. MasterInTraining

    MasterInTraining New Member

    Is this at a Dom/Sub gathering or simply in your everyday life?
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  4. I find it hard to believe it would be at a gathering of some sort. Most people I've ever met that are involved enough in the lifestyle to be at a gathering of some sort have always been more than respectful.

    I agree with Jey. Beat the fuckers face in... Also, I suggest that your sub break all contact with the fool. If he can't show you the respect deserved as her Dom, then he doesn't deserve the privilege that YOU GRANT of having ANY contact with her.
  5. Sparrow69

    Sparrow69 Moderator

    MLML has it correct. If he will not respect your wishes, there is to be no contact period. Block the email, block the IM, block the phone number whatever. If her persists, its called stalking, and there are legal ramifications that can be taken.
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  6. decadentangel

    decadentangel New Member

    no this wasn't a gathering. this is someone my sub knew from jr. high and high school who is now into the life. for the moment, i've told my sub to ignore him and i am doing the same as well. i'm starting to think that i may have to meet this guy in person just to get my point across. if it comes to that so be it. and i know i've been very firm and quite clear and very direct when i've spoken with him. last time i checked, no still meant no in my book. i believe i'm more angry abot being disrespected than anything else. thanks for the input :)
  7. MasterInTraining

    MasterInTraining New Member

    Love the violence replys, that would probably be the dumbest reaction ever.

    Unless you like getting arrested and charged for assault.
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  8. I take it sarcasm is a new concept? lol
  9. decadentangel

    decadentangel New Member

    so let you ask you this: are there any set rules for dom to dom interaction besides the obvious common sense ones? is there like a guide or a list or something to follow? i've never had to deal with a situation like this before so i'm kinda at a loss. do we have a code we follow, and if so is there punishment for breaing the code?
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  10. I dont know that there's a set of written rules per-say... Basic respect is the key. Respect for each other and each others property. As for punishment, well the worst punishment I've really heard of is exile from the local community... Being banned from participation in events, and just general word out there that "whomever" is not to be trusted. Since trust is such a key aspect in this world, thats a pretty heavy punishment.
  11. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    In the Old Guard gay leather world, there was a very strict protocol for these interactions. The Dom sent his boy to ask a second dom's boy to ask the second Dom if he would welcome interaction with the first Dom. Until the second Dom granted interaction, it was inappropriate for the first Dom to make personal contact with either the second dom or his boy. The system, however, is moribund, sibce the Old Guard are now quite old (60s and 70s), and as younger leathermen entered the scene without Old Guard training, the system couldn't perpetuate itself.

    I've never heard of anything that formal in the straight d/s community, but perhaps Sparrow or Wmaguy know of something

    And while violence might be amusing to contemplate, don't do it. It will give the other Dom legal recourse and you will never be able to defend yourself in court. "your honor, I hit him because he was talking to my slave."
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2010
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  12. I hate being called peeps... reminds me of that awful marshmallow Easter candy.

    I don't really see the issue... if you don't want contact and your sub obeys your wishes to not have contact with him, then his attempts at contacting her should be falling on deaf ears. If your sub is continuing contact with another dom after you forbid it then she isn't really yours anyway and you have bigger problems. If your sub is ignoring him and wants nothing to do with him but you can't do the same and want to beat his ass for the pure fact that another dom is after your sub, then you either have anger issues or issues with your self-esteem... neither or which are good traits in a dom.
  13. decadentangel

    decadentangel New Member

    thanks so much for you input. i'd like to say that the issue has been dealt with without violence. now all i have to worry about is setting up another scenario and learning how to tie a good harness!!! :) happy playing everyone :)
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  14. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

    I agree with Mistress_Andrea - If she's yours you have no problem. Your control is over her. He can ask, but she should direct any conversation at all to you.

    Regarding the harnesses, I can help with that. Let me know. I don't post them here because some of them violate copyright infringement laws of this site.
  15. Sparrow69

    Sparrow69 Moderator

    Sebastian isnt far off with how the situation is faced. Its a formal show of respect, which hasnt changed since the Renaissance. if your interested in playing with another dom's sub, you don't ask the sub in question, you have one of your own ask the sub in question if they are open to sych advances, and if so to please discuss it with their own dom and have them contact you to arrange particulars if they choose to.

    In olden times, kings would send members of their court to other kings, as an offer of exchange and asking as a messenger for the request. I suppose that would also be acceptable in this case, as generally a dome being asked if their sub could be signed out on loan may insist on a swap for the duration of the play, and if no suitable swap is available, then no exchange would occur. This method allows both doms to save face. the one with the request is not shunned, and the one being asked can politely decline.

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