Dom/sub signs?

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by eerie, Sep 21, 2012.

  1. eerie

    eerie New Member

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    I was wondering, do you ever feel like you liked this before knowing what it was? Did you ever show any "early signs or traits"?
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2012
  2. AriBee

    AriBee New Member

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    For me personally I guess there have always been "signs" that I was submissive. Mainly in regards to strange things I used to think about and even fantasize about, not necessarily sexual either, just dealing with being restrained and other things. I can think of some fantasies from when I was a young child (I still lived in Germany at the time so before I was 8).

    It didn't really start becoming sexual until I was 13 or so, I was a good little Christian girl at the time so the thoughts scared me and they then took on a very odd nature so that I'd feel better about them. Beyond that I was also fairly sheltered (I remember being asked how often I masturbate in 9th grade at Boarding school and I didn't even know what that meant). So the fantasies were quite strange because I didn't fully know how sex worked.

    I also remember watching TV or movies and whenever anybody was tied up to anything (you know like the damsel in distress or something) I'd be jealous and wish I could be an actress just so someone would tie me up like that, not sexually, I just wanted to be restrained. Don't exactly know when those thoughts started.

    When I was 15 I lost my religion, became incredibly promiscuous and was introduced to bdsm and it finally all clicked and made me feel a bit better about myself and the thoughts I had always had. I actually fully realized/accepted that I am submissive long before I fully realized/accepted that I am bisexual.

    Sorry, didn't mean to turn this into my demented path of thought/sexual history ^^. Just my thoughts, but yes there definitely were signs.
  3. lasubbie101

    lasubbie101 New Member

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    Wow I remember thinking of being tied up when I was very young, like 10ish I think because I still slept with my parents then! It was very hard for me to get up the courage to sleep by myself. Anyway I also remember playing with my Barbies the same way since very young. I started reading historical romance with captives at 14 and have been hooked onthat type of alpha male since. However, I just realized in the past year that what I had been fantasizing about since a little girl was actually BDSM. Now that my husband is on board and he has had natural Dom tendencies since we started dating-whether I realized or not at the time--we have clicked in a way we never had before!
  4. Learningtoplay

    Learningtoplay New Member

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    Ha! Nothing like introducing myslef!!
    Obviously this is my first time posting on here, but this topic is one I have been thinking about ALOT lately.
    As long as I can remember I have been interested in being restrained/tied up. Once I started to hit puberty my thoughts and fantasies became much more sexual in nature (my parents were science teachers, so "the talk" was pretty thorough, lol). My mom was into Soaps for a while and I would end up watching them with her because we only had one Tv. I can remember being pretty young and being really interested in the scenes where the women were being dominated. It's kinda funny looking back on it. I guess I had never given much thought to this before, but I have come to the realization over the last few weeks that this is just the way I'm made. Some people like chocolate, some don't. Some people like pain, some dont. I think it's just the way you are or are not wired. Just my personal oppinion.
  5. Abby

    Abby New Member

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    For as long as I can remember I've been interested in BDSM and being forced. I remember being very young and pretending to be sold at an auction, tied up and then raped. During my teenage years I had always wished that whatever guy I was with would be rough with me (no one ever did). It's just something that has always interested me, but I didn't have the guts to look into until this past year.
  6. Moonlight

    Moonlight Member

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    As far back as I can remember I had signs that I have a submissive personality. I did not know anything about BDSM at the time. It was not until I met my now husband in my late teens that I did anything related to BDSM. I still remember him smiling and saying "When you are really in a pinch there is always duct tape." We still laugh about that since he did tape me up.
  7. Primrose

    Primrose New Member

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    I have an incredibly strong personality, and I can remember being a teenager and thinking how amazing it would be to let go of all inhibitions and let someone else take control in certain areas of my life. It was always something that I sort of experimented with when I was with boyfriends or other sexual partners, but my college boyfriend was the one where I really got my first taste of BDSM. Ever since then, I knew that something was missing and that it was something I needed from any future partner or SO.
  8. Lillith

    Lillith New Member

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    As a kid, I liked to have my friends let me dominate them in lots of ways.

    Experiment on them while they laid still,

    touch them sexually,
    torture them,
    and pretend they were my babies and I had total control over them.

    I only did it if they let me though. It's amazing how often I could get them to let me try things. Age range particularly 8-10.
  9. ViriumsKeeper

    ViriumsKeeper New Member

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    First off, thank you for your post eerie. Once I read it, I realized how important it is for me to reply. This is a hot topic for us here. We have been together for years and our vanilla life was good, but had always had some problems. As I look back it seems very clear what was wrong. At the time, I always chalked it up to plain old relationship ups and downs. When I have no defined ability to control, what I do is try to control every single thing she did. Let me tell you, it never worked well. This would lead to her being totally broken down, and me feeling alone. At the end of this sometimes long process, we would have the most amazing sex ever! I again equated this to make up sex, normal relationship stuff. One weird sign I exhibited, and know that it was a reaction to lack of control (as I no longer react this way) was to become completely insane if she got sick. I wanted to yell at the doctors and make her better by sheer will. Sexually, the signs are easier for me to see. As I look back, one of my main problems with our relationship was her total inability to bring anything new to the bedroom. I always had to initiate new things and it was impossible for me to understand her inability here. Admittedly, she would never say no to anything and if she did I played nice, made deals, and waited her out. She would always give in. Overwhelmingly, the biggest early sign has to be a feeling of something very important SOMETIMES missing. I say sometimes strongly here as I without doubt know that I will never ever have a relationship with a woman and not dominate her in some way. It must be. Our old relationship had devices of a d/s lifestyle which kept us both happy enough to continue together but it lacked the definition that truly satisfied us. So, yes I did like this before I knew what it was.
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2012
  10. miss k

    miss k New Member

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    really amazed at how this seems to be inbuilt...

    I too came from a very moral and sheltered upbringing. But despite this, I remember secretly writing a story when I was 11 years old about people going to hell and being chained up and it was very sexual and total fantasy. i can't remember the details but i showed no one of course.

    i also remember playing "barbies" with my friend and one of them had no clothes on and i put her leg up high in the air and walked her around and my friend and i were laughing pretending to be her with her leg "stuck". privately i didn't think it was funny, i thought it was hot and sexy but i didn't want to let on... i didn't realise it but clearly having legs open wide exposing yourself turned me on even though i didn't know what being turned on meant or felt like!

    it was more about being naughty or kinky and "bad"... openly wanting and inviting sexual play in a bold way.

    as an adult i longed for my partners to tie me down and have their way with me. they never did even though i'd casually mention it.

    i'm new to this scene and dying to try it out ;)
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2012
  11. hanray

    hanray Active Member

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    Yes from my teenage I had fantasies of being pony to my big butt sexy teachers, that they can face sit on me, cane my hands etc.

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