Does Everybody Have a Fantasy?

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by spacegirl, Jul 17, 2010.

  1. spacegirl

    spacegirl New Member

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    I've been trying to get my boyfriend to open up with his fantasy for the past couple of years now and I've had no luck whatsoever! He's always said it's 'just anal' but that surely isn't a fantasy?

    My fantasy is extremely in depth and detailed and I always presumed that everybody else has one and that everybody else's was like that too!

    Please let me know if I'm being pushy or unreasonable! There's just nothing I'd love more than to be able to act it out for him.
  2. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

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    I understand your pain!! I love lots of in-depth fantasies

    buuut... my master's are plain and to the point. No details or anything! They're usually something like "rape" or "anal".

    Its a pain, but think of it as though they're a designer. Someone brings in a pattern for a very average dress and they say "make this". But you're not a pushover! So you take your own ideas to make their plain dress and really spice it up. So in the end, they got their plain dress + something interesting and exciting
  3. spacegirl

    spacegirl New Member

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    I guess it does make sense to think of it like that!

    I mean, don't get me wrong he absolutely loves being in complete control of me but that's still not a fantasy as such. Well, I don't think so anyway. There must be specific things that he wants to do or would want me to do.

    I will approach the subject again tonight and let you know how it goes!
  4. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Not everyone has detailed fantasies. My ex-husband didn't really have them. If I really pushed him, he could formulate a scene, but it was always an effort and not something that came naturally to him. In contrast, I can have highly detailed fantasies, that I play out complete with dialog. I think it might have something to do with how imaginative a person naturally is.
  5. Darktruth

    Darktruth Member

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    He’s straight forward and too the point, don’t bash the lad. :p

    Same here, I have very detailed fanitasies as well and, to be honest, I thought everyone did.

    Could it just be that he's shy about telling them to you SpaceGirl?
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 18, 2010
  6. spacegirl

    spacegirl New Member

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    Update!! I was completely open with him about my fantasy last night (obviously with a bit of hesitation but I was proud of myself for having the courage to do it!!) and he actually completely understood and managed to fill in a few of the gaps for me!

    However we decided that as it was extremely specific we would leave it as a fantasy in my head and not kill it with trying to even come close doing it together.

    Anyway! I managed to squeeze his out of him and although it isn't what I consider a fantasy as such, he told me that he wanted to have complete control (which he already does) but in a way that he can go as far as he wants too and hurt me as much as he wants to without having to worry about upsetting me (because he loves me, aaaah!)

    So we're going to work on how far he can push it (I'm only very small!) and hopefully I'll get close to fulfilling his fantasy.

    Any tips on how we can do this would be very much appreciated.
  7. pepeluism

    pepeluism Member

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    Are you asking for ways he can hurt you as much as he can without causing permanent harm? One way is to use electricity (in a smart way). For example, some of the dog "shock" collars in the market will cause you a lot of pain and suffering, but tey should be completely safe. I've had some of the big ones on my balls and been shocked repeatedly. They cause extreme pain and he will get complete control of you that way.

    Also, I've seen the effect that a slapper can have when whipping a pussy. That should also get tons of cries, screaming and begging out of you. And you will be at his full service once he's done.
  8. spacegirl

    spacegirl New Member

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    No but thank you anyway for trying to help.

    I'm submissive but I don't enjoy being in pain so much. I love being spanked very much and whips to some degree but nipple clamps, etc. do nothing for me.

    He said he wants to be able to 'fuck me so hard' so he is aware that it is actually causing me pain but not have to worry about me getting upset because I'm being hurt? He's also very big on anal and when he's got a little too carried away with that before I've cried and it really killed him. So we're trying to find ways around stuff like that.

    He also explained it a little better by saying that when he's had 'one night stands' he hasn't had this problem because he doesn't particularly care about their feelings and doesn't have to deal with them being upset afterwards (that makes him sound like a horrible guy and that isn't the case!!)
  9. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

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    Hope you stick around and let us know how this progresses. That quote made me think about the guys I used to warn my friends about. If you say he's ok, I'm fine with that, but it's usually a flag.

    Glad you broke through.
  10. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

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    lol it does make him sound like a jerk XD
  11. spacegirl

    spacegirl New Member

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    I think I made that sound a little too harsh, I promise you he is a lovely guy! We have been together for two years now and are very happy together!
  12. Boundperil

    Boundperil Member

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    You know him best, so only you can make that call on him, that statement however sounds kind of cold.

    As for fantasies, I still don't think I call that a fantasy, to me at least, that just sounds like how he wants to perform.

    To me, and I could be off base here in my own little world, but a fantasy is something that is so out of the normal realm that it can take a life of its own. You have an image, a story, a scene that removes you from vanilla, even basic BDSM and takes you to something that really has to be planned out to make it work.

    It can be very hard to create such thoughts and takes a lot of work. I've been disappointed when we have played out some of mine, mainly because it is never right, I need to be rich so I can hire a Hollywierd studio LOL.

    My love has no real fantasies. We've been together a long time, and she really has tried to come up with one, so I don't think it is out of the question that people do not.

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