Displaying more Dominance in public

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Ahdi, Sep 7, 2012.

  1. Ahdi

    Ahdi New Member

    Hello. This is my first time posting here but I've lurked for a bit.

    I am a Dominant currently in a long term relationship with submissive boy who is interested in taking some aspects of our D/s relationship public, but in subtle ways. It's been a while (roughly 4 years) since I've been with someone who was even remotely interested in kink. Even then our activities were kept to the bedroom. So I'm a bit at a loss for ideas.

    We have discussed our desires and limits in detail and have built a lot of trust between us. This is more than just a casual kink relationship and I'm more than just his Sir. I'm a little hesitant to take more control outside of the bedroom as I have had problems in the past where kink has essentially become an obsession. I do not feel that way now and don't want to start down that path.

    We discussed some ideas a few nights ago and he was very receptive to my suggestions. I'd like to get some feedback from more experienced folks though as well as some more ideas. I would really like some subtle ways of displaying my Dominance over my boy that others wouldn't notice or at least not think too carefully about. Consent is a crucial part of BDSM and I'd rather not breach a bystanders right to consent or not consent by being too open about our relationship. Being gay in a conservative area is also limiting.

    What has been agreed to thus far:
    Walk a pace behind and to the right
    Wait for me to open doors and only enter after receiving an approval from me (verbal or non verbal)
    Wait for me to sit before being seated and only after my approval
    Do not speak directly to strangers including service people (servers, ticket takers, etc)
    When dining out, may express food/drink preferences to me but I will choose and order.
    Do not pay or leave a tip unless discussed beforehand.
    Do not express disagreement in public (unless absolutely necessary such as being in danger, a breach of an agreement, going over a limit, etc)

    He was enthausiastic about all but the last. Said it would be difficult for him as he is normally very outspoken in public. I don't plan on adding much else until he has been successful at the above. Still training him for our bedroom activities as well so too much at once will not be good for either of us.

    I'm open to suggestion as this is a growing and learning process for me as well as my sub. Any advice you folks have would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.
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  2. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    I think most of your public play sounds really good. Nothing that should bother anyone else, and I think the last rule should be fine. It might be hard at first, but I think that if you two have such a good relationship, he won't have much to disagree with you on.

    Are you 24/7 in the house as well, or just bedroom and public? Is he a sub or a slave?
  3. Hi Ahdi,
    You're probably aware that you need to be careful about "forcing" your games onto the unsuspecting public :)

    Your list seems reasonable, so here are a couple of suggestions for either punishment, or just to edge things up a little.

    • Force him to wear a butt plug. It's invisible to everyone else, but you will both understand his discomfort.
    • Attach an electric dog collar to his scrotum. This now gives you an instant ability to discipline him. Of course you need to figure out what level of shock is appropriate in public - it should be a very low setting because he should be able to pass off his "twinges of pain" as a pulled muscle or something like that.

    For the dog collar punishment you need to be careful about repeating it in the same place. As long as you move around to a different "audience" you should be fine.

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  4. Ahdi

    Ahdi New Member

    Thanks for the replies.

    @smallest: he is a sub, not a slave. We've discussed it and agreed that something 24/7 would not work well for us. He has said that he always views me as his Dominant and I'm pleased with that.

    @stanley: I'm definitely aware of not wanting to force anything on strangers which is why I'm most interested in subtler displays or actions. I really do like the butt plug idea. It's something that turns both of us on but hasn't been practical as of yet. He is rather naïve anally and it's a work in progress. I have a feeling that will something we will definitely do in the future.
  5. MrWolfgang

    MrWolfgang Member

    All of what you have listed sounds pretty solid to me. Might look into some collars he can pull off in public as well. Like Eternity collars or something. They are really nice and passable and will be a constant reminder to your boy what the deal is. Just a thought. Good luck tho!
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  6. Ahdi

    Ahdi New Member

    @MrWolfgang: we have actually been discussing discreet collars. It's just a matter of finding the style we have in mind. Thanks for the comment.
  7. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Your protocols are similar to the ones I used with my slave. He opened doors for me rather than me opening doors for him (which felt too much like me serving him), but otherwise they're pretty close.
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  8. Ahdi

    Ahdi New Member

    @sebastian: I debated back and forth on that one. I couldn't decide which really made me feel more in control. Ended up deciding to compromise and open it myself but have him wait for my approval to enter. Allows me to open the door while remaining in control. Do you have any other suggestions?
    Last edited: Sep 8, 2012
  9. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Doors can be tricky. A door that opens inward plays differently than a door that opens outward. And a door I have the key to is different as well. But overall, holding door feels too much like a servant's job to me.

    I'm a big fan of having the sub kneel and kiss my feet when we're in private.
  10. Roland

    Roland Member

    As for butt plugs in public, especially for beginners, this is the best one I have found:


    See if you can find it cheaper someone else. I got it for half the cost a couple of months ago. My wife loves wearing it outside, and its flared base is designed to hide discreetly between your sub's cheeks. I highly recommend it for beginner training and for use in public.

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