Did you come here because of 50 Shades of Grey? Then read this

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by sebastian, Jul 20, 2012.

  1. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    50 Shades of Grey has gotten a lot of people interested in BDSM. So if you came to SMplace wanting to learn about BDSM because of 50 Shades, read this review. It will help you understand 50 Shades. http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/340987215

    Once you've read it, go to the Newcomer's FAQ and start learning about what BDSM is really about.
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2012
  2. BreakMeDown

    BreakMeDown New Member

    Neither of us has read the book. I did find that hilarious though. I am kind of proud that we came upon this on our own after reading in the newspapers how hardware stores are selling insane amounts of rope to women due to this book being so hot.
  3. savannah

    savannah New Member

    omg I couldn't agree more. That was such a piece of drivel. I went to a book club meeting about it (which is why I read it) and I felt like the only woman there that DID NOT enjoy reading it. ugh
  4. sweetsub31

    sweetsub31 New Member

    I hate hate hate the 50 Shades of Grey book series. I'm so sick of hearing women blather on and on about Christian and their new found love of a dominating male. Puhlease. First of all this book has nothing to do with BDSM and actually works against what BDSM is really about. I picked up the book and read (a slow, torturous process) bc a ton of my girl friends were reading it. Not only was it poorly written, but I was insulted that it was advertised as erotica. I've been reading erotica since I was about 18 yrs old. I know erotica. Pick up the Sleeping Beauty Trilogy for some real erotica. This was just a huge pile of shit that just happened to hit the horny housewife market at the right time for the author to cash in. The worst part for me wasn't the annoying, stupid cunt of a female character that couldn't bring herself to call her pussy anything but her 'sex', all while having a constant annoying conversation with her 'inner goddness', or the fact that the book was so poorly written that it felt like a chore to read it every night. The worst part was how she made the male, dominant character Christian bad or wrong for wanting to control and dominate women. He ended up having this horrible mother/abusive childhood that pushed him to want to dominate and "abuse" women....ummmm....?? NO! It wasn't about a fetish, sexual preference, or just loving BDSM. It was made to seem wrong, and bad. And in the end, of course the female character needed to help him be a better person and change him. He went from being a strong, in control, powerful man, to a whimpering "Don't ever leave me or I'll die" child. It was disgusting. My BDSM lifestyle is not public knowledge. My friends do not know what I enjoy or do sexually. I'm a submissive sex slave. I have a Master who I love. I love when he hits me, ties me up, fucks my mouth till I'm choking. I crave to be controlled and used by him. I'm his pet to do with as he pleases. And there is nothing wrong with him. He didn't have a horrible childhood, and neither did I. It is just what we prefer sexually. I really felt this book gave real BDSM a bad name. Sure, I'm happy that my friends who read it went out and bought some silly bondage tape and have asked their husbands to spank their asses. Good for them. But they still have no idea what real BDSM is about. I will step off my soap box now. But I'm glad you posted this Sebastian. There may be a lot of women out there who have no clue what they may be getting into if they are basing their knowledge on that book.
  5. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator


    Usually I'd point out off topic ranting, but it'll be a good idea to keep this thread active.
    It would also be a stronger review without the .gifs. Oh well.

    To those who like 50 Shades: there is no shame in liking it, though we disagree. We are not trying to scare you off or shame you. You just need to remember that BDSM is not exactly what it illustrates, and not to model your sex/love life after it without due caution: although you may find the sex in it hot, 50 Shades shows a relationship with abuse, dubious consent (and not in the good way) and a weak rather than submissive female. Act this out after doing your own research, and don't take it as an excuse for abuse.

    Of course, I know many 50 Shades readers didn't think so much dynamics as 'cuffs would be hot in the bedroom,' and thus despite the bad example, it doesn't end up mattering for them.
    Also, there is a TON of better BDSM and erotic literature, so perhaps you will find that now that you've been introduced. See this.

    I suggest new members who do not want to read such a long review ctrl+f "This is not a book about BDSM" and start there, because I understand it can be difficult to read a long negative review on something you enjoyed.
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2012
  6. sweetsub31

    sweetsub31 New Member

    Was my post off topic ranting? I didn't realize it would be considered as such.
  7. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    Pretty much every post here is ranting and I'm not sure what the topic is. It doesn't matter, the thread's a good one to keep bumping.
  8. FormerMonk

    FormerMonk New Member

    50 shades made both me and my OH giggle we have both enjoyed bondage since we found each other over 10 years ago (my OH enjoyed being tied and bound before we even had sex). Now at work all you hear about is how everyone who has read this book is now an "expert" on BDSM. All I can say is fair play for more people trying it I just hope they are being safe as not one of the people I know have any emergency methods for cutting through the ropes if needed.
  9. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Sorry you didn't like the gifs, Smallest. They were what convinced me to post this. Yes, it is a long and negative review. But I think it drives home the point that 50 Shades isn't really about a BDSM relationship so much as an abusive relationship between a naive and fucked-up young woman and a selfish fucked-up asshole. Not only does it perpetual negative stereotypes about BDSM, it perpetuates a lot of nasty ideas about how men and women are supposed to interact.

    And did I mention that EL James' previous pen-name was Snowqueens Icedragon? It's a well-acknowledged fact that anyone using that pen-name cannot know anything important about anything.
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2013
  10. impkitty

    impkitty New Member

    I have to admit I haven't read 50 shades but I have read a fair number of excerpts and reviews purely from the fanfic side. Even before I dismissed it for it's take on bdsm I dismissed it on the basis that, in my opinion, those excerpts I saw were badly written. The reviews from writers I respect slated it. Add in that I believe Twilight (which is its original fandom base) is (again in my opinion) dangerously blase about abuse culture ...

    Since I'm admitting to my nerdy side here (and that's scarier than admitting kink) what really interested me, when I 'came out' privately to a few other writers who include slave themes and bdsm in their fic, was that they all said 'Wow, really? We've never actually tried it/seen it/participated, we just researched on the internet.'

    It was a lesson for me. There are some amazing writers who I think do bdsm right and an awful lot that have no experience but try. The results are patchy and many could, I think, could be misleading or dangerous but I'm not experienced enough to comment.

    What I take from it all, is that I read the fiction I enjoy and I remember it is fiction. I don't ever assume because it is labelled bdsm or in a bdsm community, that it really represents bdsm or that it isn't based on bdsm fantasy (such as rape fantasy, role play). If I wanted to try anything that sounds fun in that fiction I think I'd find out a little more from someone with experience first.

    I try to be generous to the writer of 50 Shades though, fair play she wrote something, got it published and made money, every amateur writer's dream. Maybe we should be poking our members with a stick to get them to write the stuff we want out there and get it published so we can all enjoy it!
  11. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    Sebby, I have a thing with reaction .gifs. And I have no problem with a long/negative review, but was worried someone who liked 50 Shades might perhaps feel mocked, and not get down to the important part (it's not BDSM, it's abuse), which is why I added the ctrl+f note.

    Imp- I haven't read all of 50 Shades (excerpts and the beginning, and I did not/could not read more), but I agree, especially with both Twilight and 50 Shades having weird approaches to rape/abuse and so on. eg Bella's dad: "Jason was trying to kiss/feel you up? High five, Jason!" (Jason's his name, right?). Furthermore, I agree that I (and many people who are vanilla) will read and know it's not BDSM, and just take bits (as I said about handcuffs, above).
    Also, re: publishing, I did that, I'll just never get picked up by Penguin or whoever has her. All the writer-folk I know are a bit pissed, since getting a large publisher to pick up erotica was difficlt, and now we're all self pubbed or signed with small ones- and really, it's still hard to get 'real' erotica published (more sex, more graphic, sometimes less romance).
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2012
  12. Moonlight

    Moonlight Member

    I am still trying to get through the book. A friend told me it was the best book she ever read and I would love it so I just have to read it. Now I am trying to force myself to finish since I paid for the books. LOL
  13. wendywatkins

    wendywatkins New Member

    I haven't been into BDSM for very long... but I've been around it for quite a while, and honestly I think 50 shades is offensive. I haven't read it, but I've read enough reviews and heard enough from other to know this.

    Not only is it offensive, it's fucking dangerous! There are so many young women who are reading it thinking that it's ok to stay in an abusive relationship because the guy will change...

    REALLY?! And that is being glamorized by this series! I've seen multiple posts on Facebook and Fetlife of girls saying they can't wait to find a guy like Mr. Grey. Great... In five years every female my age is going to be in an abusive relationship.

    I think the author needs to apologize to the BDSM community, and make a statement about how remaining in abusive relationships is never ok! And that people with sever psychological problems like that of Christian and Ana need therapy... People like that are not stable to start a relationship as intense as one of D/s.

    Not only all of that crap, but BDSM is about trust, safety and communication. None of this is present in the characters' relationship. The chick is a fucking virgin and he is taking things way too hard on her, and she is letting him because she wants him to fall in love with her and change him. First of all, he as a Dom should see that he is hurting her and she is not in the proper frame of mind in many of their scenes. Second, she as a sub needs to trust her Dom enough to say something!

    That is why this book has nothing to do with BDSM. And that is why this book provoking people to get involved in BDSM is scary. They're starting out with this fucked idea already.

    Ok... Rant over...
  14. thinmint7

    thinmint7 Member

    Hehe, ok my two cents... I am currently STILL trying to get through this damn book. My hair stylist, my mom and my grandma! have all read it and have mentioned it to me. I originally read it from the previous post, and soon after realized that they were reading it. One says sexy as hell, the others thought it was a weird book. Personally, I am thinking wtf, man! Ok, so first, it is a fan fic, which I thought this knowledge made the book more relatable (I read Twilight), otherwise the characters seemed extremely undeveloped. Second, the characters did horrible things to each other that I feel nice people would rethink. I get that they reacted the way the author would, but she cannot of had many healthy relationships. The consent did not exist in my opinion, due to the fact that they were having sex before she ever signed anything, or she was drunk! And third, she doesn't even trust the douche! She has a hard time answering his question until he talked her into the right answer. He is manipulative, mean, selfish and abusive, worse still, he is aware of it all and the bitch still doesn't leave him!

    Ok, I need to stop because I am getting worked up at this point. I have done nothing but moan about this book to Master for days, ugh! Lol!!
  15. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    I think reading this thread will be better for the 50 Shades folk than the review at this point. So many good opinions are chiming in.

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