Dear Dom's of smplace

kajmir · Sep 11, 2010

I wanted to add a few things, hopefully you all will come back and read this...

I made this thread because I had a "dom" chat me up. He was curious and while I'm happy with my Master, I figure chatting to others is no big thing.

Let's call this "dom" bob.

Bob decided in minutes I was the perfect sub for 2 reasons:
1. I was as new as him so we could learn together.
2. I didn't always want to be the sub, sometimes I just want to chat and he's not always hard.

Bob concerned me because Bob didn't base his "choice" on:

~A long and details conversation .
~Any really knowledge of ME or really of HIM.
~Any common interests or goals.
~Any INTEREST in me as a PERSON nevermid a sub.

Again I will state I am VERY new to this all, I'm not even sure I really have a right to be on this forum, not for my lack of knowledge but I think maybe that I am not much more then maybe a roleplayer, sexually I love my commands, tasks, play, humiliation.. But outside of those things, I'm not sure I'd have any interest. Though, I've never been broken down or been with a trained dom. But I at least take the time to gain/give some information, a sense of comfort and common interest to get a feeling of comptibility OR not before going on... Bob really didn't bother doing the same.

But with that said, I've spent some time reading in forum, talking to others a little and I know that those 2 reasons are bullshit. He asked nothing about me, told me nothing about himself, and HUGE turn off, he actually whined that he couldn't find a sub, while I found a Master. I felt a need to hand him a tissue, it was like a kid whining for a candy he didn't get, but the kid next to him did..Maybe it's bitchy, but I felt embarrassed for him.

He was very young and I DO realize we all gotta start somewhere, but he left a terrible taste in my mouth. I just kept thinking what if he finds someone as new as him, it's gonna be a nightmare. And if he wants to roleplay fine, lots do, but he should be informed of the difference in dom's. He couldn't communicate his wants, needs, requirements or even ask me a question without me coaching him, he wanted me to train him and I am in NO position to do that. The sub shouldn't be drawing out the Master, if I get anything, it's THAT.

I know enough that I realize a few commands does not make one a true Dom. And this should be pointed out to others who don't. I prolly seem harsh but I just saw red flag after red flag. And Bob HAS cousins, lol.

I thank you all for taking the time to read this thread and get something started.

sebastian · Sep 11, 2010

Kaj, you have as much right to be here as anyone else who is interested in sm. We all come here bringing out different levels of knowledge, experience, talent, and desire. Everyone has things to contribute, and even a newbie sub or dom has things to say that others may benefit from. Even if all you do is ask questions, those questions stimulate conversation and discussion, and other newbies feel relieved that someone else asked the question they were wondering about.

And as Ani's experience makes clear, new subs need to learn that not all doms are created equal and how to sort the good from the bad and the experienced from the posers. Your comments above are good points.

master jey · Sep 11, 2010

Sebastian Michaelis

lolz he was actually inquisitor

Tumbl3 · Sep 12, 2010

And so damn sexy. ^^ I love how my 100th post is about Kuroshitsuji.

Boundperil · Sep 13, 2010

sebastian said:
That seems to be a hallmark of a good dom, that we get angry when we hear about bad doms.

It is. I think as I've gotten older, I've become less tolerant, or there are just more posers out there, I'm not sure.

Boundperil · Sep 13, 2010

@kajmir

This is a great place to learn. You have a well vested bunch here, some with years of background, others just learning.

As for you conversation with this poser, run would be my advice, but you have a good head on your shoulders. You in the end are always in charge. You give yourself, but you know your limits, and you must express them.

You may want to slowly write them down, I find a sub that has a list very encouraging.

Just as a side note, my new sub, we spoke for a month before we even brought up the topic of her kneeling before me. It is a long distance relationship, like so many. My point is, you need to get to know each other.

kajmir · Sep 13, 2010

-gives you all a big smooch, toe lick, spanks herself.-

You can pick the one you preffer most, I'm cool like that.

Kor · Sep 14, 2010

kajmir said:
Bob concerned me because Bob didn't base his "choice" on:

~A long and details conversation .
~Any really knowledge of ME or really of HIM.
~Any common interests or goals.
~Any INTEREST in me as a PERSON nevermid a sub.

No different than what you'd find hitting on you anywhere else, I'd expect.

Just because he thinks of himself as a top or dominant doesn't oblige you to oblige him.

kajmir · Sep 14, 2010

And I realize this, but I was hoping to find help for those who DO want to learn what a trained dom is. And help for sub's who may be very new and not realize this ISN'T acceptable.

There ARE sub's out there so sub(met 2 actually so far), the accept what is given, without too much consideration.

And thanks to some of the Glorious 8, atleast the sub side was dealt with.

Boundperil · Sep 15, 2010

I think the only way you can truly find out is to talk to them. I know, that is a catch-22 in a sense. But I think a good Dom will get to know their sub before they ever take them on.

It is a two way street, you both have to have your kinks met. No matter what anyone tells, the sub truly does have the final say. It boils down to communication, a lot of posers out there don't get that.

Dear Dom's of smplace

kajmir

Member

sebastian

Active Member

master jey

Moderator

Tumbl3

Member

Boundperil

Member

Boundperil

Member

kajmir

Member

Kor

Member

kajmir

Member

Boundperil

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