Dear Dom's of smplace

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by kajmir, Sep 6, 2010.

  1. kajmir

    kajmir Member

    With respect I would ask you to consider offering your time and exp to those who are newer and younger to the life style. Or starting a new thread offering advice and some dom training suggestions.

    I have, after placing a personal ad, come to the realization that there are several "dom's" on here that are very inexpereinced and are unsure how to proceed.

    I do post this without any disrespect to either side, but after several uncomfortable conversations with um..."new dom's"They wish to command and get off, that about sum's it up for them. Respectfully, this is a bit of to your craft and own training, IMO.

    I think you'd be doing a real service. I am very inexperienced myself, but if I can see they need help, then it's prolly true.

    Again, I sincerely apologize for any seeming disrespect, not my intent.
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  2. Tumbl3

    Tumbl3 Member

    Lol you don't seem disrespectful to me. I think maybe a sticky thread post focused more towards "What every Dom should know" would be nice. However, I will say that everyone should read Sebastian's post in the Newcomer's FAQ as it is helpful to both sides, particularly Doms.
  3. kajmir

    kajmir Member

    Found it, made it WAY harder then it was.

    Yup, me dumb.
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2010
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  4. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    It is. It's the first post at the top of the General Discussion forum.

    Part of the problem is that many new doms don't have any formal training. I was lucky. A friend of mine knew an extremely skilled bondage master who's given me a lot of instruction, both in the technicalities of bondage, and in how to dress in leather and so on. But many newbies don't get that and have to fumble around and figure things out for themselves. Please be patient with them--being a dom is in many ways much harder than being a sub.

    That said, new doms need to realize that their sub's pleasure is just as important as theirs. The essence of being dominant is selfish altruism, focusing on your own pleasure in a way that ensures your sub's pleasure.
  5. master jey

    master jey Moderator

    No one becomes the master of the year without experience
    They just need some time
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  6. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

    kaj -

    I've only been here a few months, but I have noticed the kind of Doms you are talking about.

    The problem is that they don't necessarily want our help.

    I have seen several early stage Doms on this forum that have asked for guidance and advice with their development, and on safety and technical aspects of BDSM.
    You can usually tell what kind of Dom they are just from their questions.

    The guys you are talking about often join in on a thread with comments or responses that make you go "hmmmm".
    You can usually tell what kind of Dom they are by their answers.

    There are a lot of subs out there that are in the unfortunate position of dealing with these wannabees and players.... and sometimes predators, but I'm not sure that if we put up a special sticky thread, or even started another section, that it would really help the kind of guys you mentioned.

    I've read everything you've posted here, and I know you're one of the sharper knives in the drawer. Your contributions are thoughtful, insightful, and often bring a smile.... And while I share your frustration, I feel the best thing we can do here is help other subs understand that there are a lot of pretenders out there who use the internet articles, stories, videos, etc... to build their online persona.

    What's worse is that these are the guys who really hurt people.... maybe not so much by their evil nature, but by their ignorance regarding what is safe vs what is not, and what is hurt vs what is harm.

    We have to put up with them, just like gnats at a picnic. It goes with the freedom to post. Lucky for us, they don't usually last here very long.
  7. decoyicus

    decoyicus Member

    I'm probably the newest dom on here but I have come across and spoken to several of the type of dom you mentioned to me they just come across as selfish users who got into BDSM with the misconception that they can focus on their own needs and pleasure without having to satisfy the sub. I agree with what L8 said that these guys can really hurt people and that they don't actually want to learn anything but as with everything else in the world there are always going to be people ruining it for others I think a sticky thread warning new subs about these guys is a better idea than trying to teach these dicks something
    Last edited: Sep 8, 2010
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  8. Tumbl3

    Tumbl3 Member

    I actually agree. Maybe a "If your dom has three or more of these attributes, evaluate your situation and find a new dom" type thread.

    Or at least outlining yellow/red flags.
  9. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

    agreed here also
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  10. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Maybe something in the Newcomer's FAQ outline what bdsm _isn't_ and signs of a bad Dom?
  11. Tumbl3

    Tumbl3 Member

    Hm, yeah.
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  12. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    I can write it, but I don't want to monopolize the faq
  13. Tumbl3

    Tumbl3 Member

    Lol I can start it. Add on whatever I miss?
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  14. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Sounds good.
  15. Tumbl3

    Tumbl3 Member

    Posted :]

    In unrelated news: Kuroshitsuji is amaaaaazing~ <3 Sebastian Michaelis

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