Dealing with ex-masters

hopefulsub · May 6, 2010

So my best guy friend and I had started a D/s relationship, I being the sub. It was both our first time doing it, but we both loved it. As mentioned in previous posts, it went south and we stopped. We're still good friends, but I don't know how to stop feeling like his sub. He's been trying to get me to keep my submissive side, specifically based on my clothing. His intentions (he says) are not to order me to wear what I wear, but to keep that part of me from slipping away. He asks for pictures so he can see, and tell me I look great to encourage me to keep dressing like who I "really" am. The whole thing is very reminiscent of when he was my dom and I dunno how to stop feeling that way.

So I guess my question is have any of you stayed friends with your old masters/subs? Or did you make a clean break?

My Love My Lord · May 6, 2010

Sounds like he's having trouble letting go too. Im a firm believer when a relationship ends, there needs to be some clear time apart to allow both parties to move on emotionally. He no longer has any right to try to ensure that your submissive side doesnt "slip away". Youre not his sub, it's not his concern. I know that sounds really cold, but it's the truth.

Too many people have a really hard time letting go, and for whatever reason, a harder time when it's the first D/s relationship. There's always the fear in the back of your mind that you will never find something like that again, the thought that you failed as a sub, or some other nonsense that we ALL feel at one point or another.

My suggestion is to distance yourself from him. Explain that he can not ask for pictures and that while it's very nice that he still cares about you, he needs to do so in the appropriate context of a friendship. (I'll bet you none of your other male friends as you for pictures like that). Just like youre having trouble letting go of being his sub, He's having trouble letting go of being your Dom. Totally natural. While one day, you guys may be able to be friends again, I suggest some serious distance for now to allow yourself time to reestablish as an individual.

hopefulsub · May 6, 2010

That sounds like some good advice. I just became dependent on him as a friend, then as a dom. Especially since it was my first time, and his as well. Space seems really difficult though.

sillylittlepet · May 6, 2010

oohhh my goodness.

Dont you have a new boyfriend?

hopefulsub · May 6, 2010

well my bf and I went on a break because some bad stuff was happening there. My best friend and I just kinda... well collided I guess. I have made some poor decisions, I'm not trying to defend myself. He was just really sweet, and we got into this and it was amazing. Then he stopped being so nice. When I got back with my bf we ended it. But it's still tense between us. He's got a gf now too. I think it was just b/c we did something so crazy together we just can't let it go.

sillylittlepet · May 6, 2010

I think you just distance yourself from him for awhile

I dont have experience with ex-masters, but as far as ex-boyfriends go I'd say do stuff away from him. Dont hang out with him, to things with new people, dont text or talk to him as often. I know you guys are friends, but try to hang with other friends.

Do you still kind of like this guy?
If yes, then really really really move away. I've held on feelings for years because I stayed really close with ex-boyfriends and didnt give myself a chance to recover and get over it. Sounds like he needs that time too, then just back away. Make it easy

Technically you're both seeing new people, so you want to minimize this weirdness between you.

hopefulsub · May 6, 2010

I mean, I rarely hang out with him anyway. We rarely talked on the phone. It was a lot of texting and IMing. We saw each other a decent amount when we started being friends, but then I went to school so we don't see each other that much. I try to stop texting but he has always been my closest friend, so it's hard to break the habit ><

sillylittlepet · May 6, 2010

what? I guess I'm kind of confused about what your problem is

unless this is just a discussion thread lol

sebastian · May 6, 2010

It's going to take some time apart before you can be friends again. Trying to be friends right now is just going to make both of you unhappy.

hopefulsub · May 7, 2010

it's basically we were really good friends. and i want to keep that part around, just not the master part.

Dealing with ex-masters

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