Daddy and i (pet) are new to the site...

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by fdxjettech, Sep 29, 2010.

  1. fdxjettech

    fdxjettech New Member

    Daddy and i are happily married (almost 5 years now) but have just recently starting living as D/s. We have been experiencing a few growing pains as we start down this road. i would greatly appreciate any advice that can be offered for living D/s 24/7. (just a side note this transition from a vanilla relationship is taking place at my request) Daddy has enjoyed His Dominance in our sex lives but is still hesitant to express demands in our day to day life. Are there things that i as His pet can do to help Him find a comfort level in asserting His control outside of our bedroom?

    Thank you,
    Daddy's pet
  2. praefect

    praefect Member

    For starters, you could show genuine gratitude when he does assert control. And move on to encouragement. Something along the lines of...

    Please, Daddy, tell this humble pet your wishes, your will, for your will is mine, and my pleasure bound to yours. What pleases you is what fulfills me. What you want is what I crave. Ect, ect :)
  3. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Talk, talk, talk. If you are feeling like he's not controlling you enough, explain that to him. Give him specific examples of situations where you would like him to be more dominant. And ask him why he thinks he's not being more aggressive. He might be afraid of upsetting you, or just lacking confidence, or maybe he thinks he's being more aggressive than you think he is. Honest, direct communication is very important in d/s relationships, equally if not more important than in vanilla ones. Particularly in the early phase of such a relationship, until you two have found your groove, there is no substitute for direct discussion. Don't expect him to be a mind-reader. But Praefect's suggestion of giving him positive reinforcement when he gets it right is also good. It will help build his confidence.
  4. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    I cant stress that you talk to each other enough

    Seriously, tell him what you want, that you aren't afraid of his demands, that you want to carry out his wishes. The best way to cure hesitation is with encouragement!!

    "Daddy, I like it when you tell me to do this"
    "Daddy, your pet wants to make you happy!"
    "Daddy you can ask me to do X for you whenever you want!"
  5. AnErieGuy

    AnErieGuy Member

    Essentially be a broken record like this thread ^.^
  6. Boundperil

    Boundperil Member

  7. master jey

    master jey Moderator

  8. The OP has come here for help and advice; attitudes like this are not helpful.
  9. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

    Hi fd - I would suggest reading a book together and I have two suggestions.

    1. The New Topping Book/The new Bottoming Book by Easton and Hardy
    These books take a look at who you are, give you a fun perspective (take the evil out) on the kinds of things we like to do, and things you need to know to do it safely. You read yours, and he reads his (or both read both) They're good books for the situation you've described and I'm sure you guys will have a lot to talk about while reading.

    2. Topping From Below by Laura Reece
    A novel about the world of D/s, S&M, and other kinky things people do... all wrapped up in a "who done it" murder mystery. Years ago, my girlfriend and I decided to read it at the same time so we could talk about it as we went..... That went well!

    I recommend reading together as one of the things any couple can do, both to expand their thoughts about what they are into, and to stimulate conversation about what they read at any given moment.

    We are all kinky here, but we are not all alike. We all have different tastes, daydreams, turn on/off buttons, and we think differently about what is and what is not extreme, sometimes depending on what we've had a chance to experience.

    I know that just bringing something up in conversation can be hard, and you never know how your partner will react , but discussing events in a book that you liked can bridge to a really good talk between the two of you about what you would like to see more of, or less of in real life.

    One other suggestion I have for you... Practice sessions. Tell him you would like to practice for whatever he would most love to happen when he comes home, or when he finishes dinner, or when he wakes up, etc.... Pretend the situation, and go through what happens in his daydream. It's a lot of fun and it might surprise you when you see the results.

    Lastly - Not all of us are cut out for 24/7. If he's not, he may eventually get to that point, or maybe not. Just love him anyway.

    It sounds like you have a great relationship and you guys are pretty open about your sexuality. Take your time with these suggestions and let the practices evolve to whatever they become in your long term life.

    By the way..... All these things are meant to do one thing, stimulate communication. (LOL).

    Hope this helps.

  10. fdxjettech

    fdxjettech New Member

    thank you all...

    i wanted to express my thanks for your input. W/we are trying to be very open with each other as W/we are both new to this, and for the most part things are going well. Sometimes i find that i do not verbalize my thoughts well which can lead to stress on His part. Seem to have found a way to minimize the damage thru my lack of communication skills by journalling daily for Daddy to read. This has let me have time to really think about what i am feeling and want and has (i hope and have had the pleasure of experiencing some of the time) help eliminate some of the misunderstanding between us.

    L8night- i really like the idea of reading with Daddy. thank you for the book suggestions.

    -Daddy's pet
  11. AnErieGuy

    AnErieGuy Member

    Was Just trying to be funny, not rude... v.v
  12. Well, unfortunately there was no clear distinction between the two, so perhaps you could try making your intentions a little more clear in future?

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