curious sub asks: 'why is obedience sexy?'

frightfully · Aug 3, 2011

So, I get why I like obeying, but what is the Dom getting out of it?

To explain the background, I was chatting with a gentleman of a dominant persuasion, and he was enthusing on the subject of obedience. It occurred to me that I've always sort of assumed that Doms like obedience as a means to and end. i.e. that a guy likes blowjobs, (for example), and having an obedient partner means he gets a blowjob whenever he asks for one.

This person I was talking to however was saying that the act is less relevant to him, its the fact that someone is obeying that is hot. It never really occurred to me that obedience in and of itself was sexy to some doms, and I don't really get it.

I freely confess that the idea of having someone who did everything I said sounds completely boring to me. Almost more akin to masturbation than sex with another person, but then, I'm not the dominant type.

Anyway, I'm wildly curious, so if anyone has any ideas, I'd love to hear it.
(Personal anecdote and half-assed speculations are welcome, I'm not really expecting a definitive answer here).

sebastian · Aug 3, 2011

For me, dominance is arousing in part because I grew up chubby. I had to be extremely agreeable to others to get any sort of attention. So being able to simply demand that I get my way feels amazingly satisfying. Being obeyed makes me feel very powerful.

Dominance also engages my romantic instincts. When someone submits to me, it makes me want to reciprocate, to reward that gift of trust with my best effort to meet their needs. When a sub is vulnerable and pliant, it's like a vacuum pulling me in emotionally.

There's also a visceral pleasure in being able to say forbidden things to a sub, such as insulting him. It's taboo, and therefore arousing.

master jey · Aug 3, 2011

For me, dominance is arousing in part because I grew up chubby. I had to be extremely agreeable to others to get any sort of attention.

What is wrong with your country...chubby kids are so cute ><

It's a beautiful feeling making someone kneel before you it's hard to explain but it's like a boner in the mind

HisFox · Aug 4, 2011

It's an interesting thread indeed

Dear Doms of the forum, express your opinion, please!

Kor · Aug 4, 2011

Obedience is the outward manifestation of control. Domination is largely, though not exclusively, about control.

When you obey, you tickle our kink.

Kitty's_Bandit · Aug 5, 2011

Kor said:
Obedience is the outward manifestation of control. Domination is largely, though not exclusively, about control.

When you obey, you tickle our kink.

I couldn't have said it better than that, thank you.

Smallest · Aug 5, 2011

"Tickle our kink" is probably among the most adorable terms for this.

master jey · Aug 5, 2011

Yeah nice definition

Knots · Aug 5, 2011

Obedience being an outward manifestation of control which then gratifies the "dominant-ego" and thus elicits sexual pleasure is* the broadest possible answer to this question that I can produce, though obedience will have a unique personal sentiment to each dominant who derives pleasure from it.

P.S. I found "tickle our kink" to be a rather amusing way of putting it xd.

*It's also me wording what everyone else has said in a less colloquial fashion.

Mdent · Aug 6, 2011

not sure how to put it, I like control getting my wife to do things without question, knowing she is doing it because I want her to and her taking pleasure from that. It makes me feel complete in a way. This is hard to put into words. We don’t have to have any physical sex and I find it satisfying. Even simple things like telling her what clothes to wear (they don’t have to be humiliating just normal clothes will still work).

curious sub asks: 'why is obedience sexy?'

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