curious sub asks: 'why is obedience sexy?'

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by frightfully, Aug 3, 2011.

  1. frightfully

    frightfully New Member

    So, I get why I like obeying, but what is the Dom getting out of it?

    To explain the background, I was chatting with a gentleman of a dominant persuasion, and he was enthusing on the subject of obedience. It occurred to me that I've always sort of assumed that Doms like obedience as a means to and end. i.e. that a guy likes blowjobs, (for example), and having an obedient partner means he gets a blowjob whenever he asks for one.

    This person I was talking to however was saying that the act is less relevant to him, its the fact that someone is obeying that is hot. It never really occurred to me that obedience in and of itself was sexy to some doms, and I don't really get it.

    I freely confess that the idea of having someone who did everything I said sounds completely boring to me. Almost more akin to masturbation than sex with another person, but then, I'm not the dominant type.

    Anyway, I'm wildly curious, so if anyone has any ideas, I'd love to hear it.
    (Personal anecdote and half-assed speculations are welcome, I'm not really expecting a definitive answer here).
  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    For me, dominance is arousing in part because I grew up chubby. I had to be extremely agreeable to others to get any sort of attention. So being able to simply demand that I get my way feels amazingly satisfying. Being obeyed makes me feel very powerful.

    Dominance also engages my romantic instincts. When someone submits to me, it makes me want to reciprocate, to reward that gift of trust with my best effort to meet their needs. When a sub is vulnerable and pliant, it's like a vacuum pulling me in emotionally.

    There's also a visceral pleasure in being able to say forbidden things to a sub, such as insulting him. It's taboo, and therefore arousing.
  3. master jey

    master jey Moderator

    What is wrong with your country...chubby kids are so cute ><

    It's a beautiful feeling making someone kneel before you it's hard to explain but it's like a boner in the mind :)
  4. HisFox

    HisFox Member

    It's an interesting thread indeed :) Dear Doms of the forum, express your opinion, please!
  5. Kor

    Kor Member

    Obedience is the outward manifestation of control. Domination is largely, though not exclusively, about control.

    When you obey, you tickle our kink.
  6. Kitty's_Bandit

    Kitty's_Bandit New Member

    I couldn't have said it better than that, thank you.
  7. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    "Tickle our kink" is probably among the most adorable terms for this.
  8. master jey

    master jey Moderator

    Yeah nice definition :)
  9. Knots

    Knots Member

    Obedience being an outward manifestation of control which then gratifies the "dominant-ego" and thus elicits sexual pleasure is* the broadest possible answer to this question that I can produce, though obedience will have a unique personal sentiment to each dominant who derives pleasure from it.

    P.S. I found "tickle our kink" to be a rather amusing way of putting it xd.

    *It's also me wording what everyone else has said in a less colloquial fashion.
  10. Mdent

    Mdent New Member

    not sure how to put it, I like control getting my wife to do things without question, knowing she is doing it because I want her to and her taking pleasure from that. It makes me feel complete in a way. This is hard to put into words. We don’t have to have any physical sex and I find it satisfying. Even simple things like telling her what clothes to wear (they don’t have to be humiliating just normal clothes will still work).
  11. RS1981

    RS1981 Member

    I'm like sebastian, only different. I was born and grew up disabled, and I constantly had to deal with people pushing me around for it. I like people, so it was a very hard time for me to come to grips with the fact that I won't always be accepted as much as average people. Now it's basically having to deal with life in general. I don't really have demands put upon me by others per say, but my life in general is quite demanding because of my disability, it's harder than people think. Those 2 factors are what led me to wanting to dominate.
  12. frightfully

    frightfully New Member

    Thanks everyone - your takes on it are very interesting.

    Also interesting that for some people the desire to be in control seems comes from earlier feelings of powerlessness - especially as I'd heard that as a 'cause' for some people becoming submissive.

    I think maybe the whole obedience thing is a little weird for me because while I do enjoy it (I love to please, and there is bliss in knowing I am pleasing someone as much as possible), in a lot of what I really fantasize about involves rendering my obedience irrelevant - being overpowered, tied down, rape fantasies etc.
    But I suppose the not running screaming from the house or calling the cops and pressing charges afterwards is a form of obedience too :)

    I want him in control, and realistically (consensually) that means I am giving him that control, but I like the feeling (even if it is an illusion) that he's ripping it from me.
  13. kajmir

    kajmir Member

    Sounds like most of you answered "Why are you a dominate?"

    @ Seb? Get me names and addresses, I'd be glad to slap them.
    @ Jey, gosh your cute. -licks-

    Why is submitting hot?

    *Because I am ultimately doing it by choice.

    *Because in any other aspect of life, I am agressive and it's sw33t to have the trust and love to 'let go' and have someone else be the boss, make the decisions.

    *Because I associate dominance with strength and strength is something I covet in a mate.

    *The sheer kink of submitting to things that are taboo get my panties wet

    *I find most true dominates to be highly intelligent and thoughtful (this is also why I uselessly and randomly flirt with Jey and Seb.) which is exceptionlly appealing to me but on a more primal level it also makes me submit to the "higher authority", if you will.
  14. HisFox

    HisFox Member

    RS1981, I admire your life courage and strength of the spirit, really.
  15. KB86

    KB86 New Member

    As a male master, an obedience female slave could make me enjoy the feeling of some kind of power I have. I like to control others. It is always with me since my childhood. I just like such feeling!

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