Crucifixion Fetish or Fantasy

Smallest · Jun 28, 2011

I thought that was the joke being made

cygnusx5 · Jun 29, 2011

I think you're right. Now I feel foolish. Ah well, not the first time.

cygnusx5 · Jun 29, 2011

To pay for my sins (or make them worse, depending on your view), I am going to post an extension of the story on page 1, by wmrs2 "A CRUCIFIXION FANTASY" (it's not clear if he wrote it, or someone else).

Sometimes a story spurs an additional line of thought. I followed these thoughts for my own personal satisfaction, and finished sometime today. It occurred to me that others might enjoy what I added, so I'll post what I did, which is basically to extend and embellish the story, mostly to go deeper into the woman's thoughts (the part of the story that intrigues me most).

Since it's not my story, if someone has a problem with this, let me know and I'll retract it. Since there is not much written on the subject, I'm hoping I'll get some leeway.

cygnusx5 · Jun 29, 2011

A CRUCIFIXION FANTASY (revised) part one

What had I done? I never expected this type of pain!
From the beginning crucifixion appeared to be erotic and sexual.
That’s how I thought of it. It was something to be enjoyed throughout but the eroticism lasted only for about ten seconds. My idea of crucifixion was a true fantasy. In reality it was what it was intended to be – a very real torture.

John came forward and pulled out a scroll. My death decree. Wow, he had actually made a scroll! This is going to be great, I thought.

"You have been found guilty of adultery while your husband was away at war. In accordance with Roman law you will be sentenced to death by crucifixion. Nailed to a cross until you pass your last breath. Citizens and passers-by will watch you expire slowly, and shake their head at your fate. Or mock you for your foolishness."

"Normally we afford some modesty to women being crucified, but given the nature of your crime, that luxury will not be extended this time. A naked woman nailed to the cross with 'adulteress' above her head should send the right message."

"I.. I'm sorry."

"Good. But that will not spare you your fate. Guards! Prepare the lady for crucifixion!"

It was like a dream. I felt like I should have playfully resisted him, to stay in character. But this was what I wanted. When he laid me down naked on the cross my arms practically lept to the beams. From excitement and fear I almost fainted before he finished tightening the ropes. It was now too late to back out of this situation. We had done some bondage before, but nothing like this. He was so serious about his task, which made me so happy. The way he had set everything up and read my death decree made me feel like I really was about to undergo the worst possible death imaginable.

A Roman crucifixion.

And I loved it.

I wanted it to seem real. Hell, maybe I wanted it to *be* real. This fantasy had flowed so deeply through my veins, that even if I knew he wanted to go all the way, I think I still would have rung his doorbell. That's how far gone I was. And he was doing it. Oh God was he doing it. He gave me no reason to think I wasn't really about to be crucified. And I loved every minute of it.

I had thoughts that the fantasy would be wonderful. And it was. At first. But it was nothing like the reality of the experience. The truth of this was revealed to me very slowly, almost as slow as crucifixion itself. But for now I was in love. I lay there on the cross just taking it all in. My arms lay straight along the T beam, waiting patiently for John to do his work. And he began in earnest. As the ropes tightened on my wrists, the strain on my armpits had already begun. I noticed discomfort, but paid it no mind. I was still in my fantasy world. The stress in my arms testified as what was to come, and the cross had not been lifted yet.

Then John brought out the nails. Big. Long. Thick. Nails. My heart skipped a beat. Would he..?

We hadn't talked about nails. John started to bring it up and I put my hands to his lips. I didn't want any details. He was to take care of everything, and not give me one hint of what was to come. It would spoil the fantasy, and I wanted none of that.

"So what do you want?"

"I want you to crucify me."

"Ok.."

"A Roman crucifixion. Nothing less. Will you do that for me?"

"Is that what you really want? A Roman crucifixion just like in biblical times? Do you realize what you're asking for?"

"Yes, I know what I'm asking. I want a Roman crucifixion just like in biblical times." The words floated over my tongue, like honey.

"I can do it. I just want to know that you're sure about this. Once I start there's no turning back."

"So you'll do it? You'll crucify me?"

"Yes, I'll do it."

"Oh God, thank you!"

"And you don't want to know any details, just that it will be a Roman crucifixion?

"Correct."

"And no safe word?"

"No safe word. I trust you John."

"Alright then. I'll start work tomorrow. I'll give you a date soon."

As the nails clanked loudly on the floor, I snapped back to reality.

The truth was, if John was really going to nail me to the cross, I would take it. I might scream and cry, but I would take it. Of course, that was a rich thought. At this point, I couldn't stop him anyway. I was tied securely to the cross and wasn't going anywhere. But I would accept the nails like a big girl. I had asked him to crucify me. "A Roman crucifixion. Nothing less," I had said. Ok genius, why did I have add the 'nothing less' part? He would have had a lot more leeway if I hadn't said that.

Now I was going to pay the price. A Roman crucifixion? The Romans always nailed their victims to the cross. No exceptions. Had I really expected to escape the nails when I had practically begged him for them? John was just doing what I had asked. I could hardly be mad at him.

Be strong girl, you can do this.

He brought out this huge steel mallet. It was so heavy he could hardly manuever it.

He looked at me and placed the nail in the center of my wrist. I searched for words but found none. He lifted the mallet and prepared to strike.

My heart stopped. Oh my God I'm going to be nailed to the cross! The 'Roman' part of my crucifixion really hit home. Once that first nail was all the way in and the nailhead caressed my hand, there was no turning back. He might as well really crucify me then.

Then it hit me.

He *was* going to crucify me all the way.

Somewhere, deep in the dark recesses of my brain, I didn't want John to *really* crucify me. I mean, I wanted him to act like he was, and make me believe it.

But now I remember. I had asked him over and over to crucify me. ""A Roman crucifixion," I had said. Over and over.

The only hint I had given him of stopping short was, "I trust you John."

That's it. Could I blame him if misinterpreted that? Everything else I had said was about 'going all the way' and 'roman crucifixion' and 'no turning back'. Hell, I must have said 'roman crucifixion' 100 times!

But I wanted him to stop short of going all the way. Not by much, mind you, I did want my fantasy. Just a pinch short of the whole enchalada. But how was he supposed to get 'pinch short' from 'I trust you John.'?

Well, let me tell you, nails are not part of the 'stopping short' scenario. They are part of the 'you are truly fucked girl' scenario. I mean, fuck. Once you're nailed, you're fucking nailed!! These weren't 2 inch stud nails that you could pry out in a minute with some elbow grease. These were big huge 'once-they're-in-they're-never-coming-out-nails' John had some tools, but once they were in, I don't think he could get them out even if he wanted to.

So now my little pea brain was wrapping around this new little fact. He was going to crucify me, and I was going to die on this cross. Not a heart attack over-before-you-know-it death, but long, brutal, torturous, agonizing death. They say death by roman crucifixion was one of the worst ways to die in all the history of mankind. And I was about to experience it. Yay me.

My other wrist started moving around involuntarily. It wasn't contemplating escape, it was tied down well. I think it was enjoying what little freedom it had. Once it was nailed down, it wouldn't be able to move at all. When John tied my wrists to the beams, I had playfully thought about trying to break one of them free while he was away, you know, just to see if I could do it. It would be in character. When he came back he would retie me more securely but I could smile secretly to myself that I could have escaped if I wanted to.

Well I wasn't breaking a wrist free with fucking nails in them that's for sure. Whatever my feeble skills were at escaping knots, they were grand master compared to my wrist-fucking-nailed-to-oak-beam skills. It wasn't going to happen. Hell, even if only one wrist was nailed and the rest of me was free, I'd still be stuck.

I paused a moment on the phrase 'In character.' I worried so much the past week about staying 'in character'. To make my fantasy be as real as possible. Now that I was really being crucified, I realized I no longer needed to act! I was experiencing the real feelings of a woman sentenced to death by crucifixion right before the first nail was hammered in, and it was a torture all to itself.

cygnusx5 · Jun 29, 2011

A CRUCIFIXION FANTASY (revised) part two

I had been waiting for that nail practically my whole life, but now I could hardly believe it was happening. I couldn't look. I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth, awaiting my fate.

<CLANK!>

Jesus, he did it! You son-of-a-bitch!! I'm being nailed to the cross!!

Wait.

I felt no pain. Was I numb?

I looked over. John was hitting the nail, and it was slowly sinking deeper into the beam. What was happening? Why didn't I feel it? Had he changed his mind? Had I been spared?

Finally it was in. He then took my wrist ropes and tied them to the nail.

Ohhhhhhhhhh.

I let out a huge sigh. Tears were running down my cheek.

He had stopped just short, just like I had hoped. A huge wave of relief passed over me. But if he had come this close with the nail, how close would he go with the actual crucifixion. And would it then be too late? John had agreed to no safe word. I was completely in his hands.

Although I now sensed what this experience would be like, it remained erotic at first. I could not have resisted had I chose to do so. The realization that this was happening to me sucked all the strength from my body. I was completely limp, afraid of what I had subjected myself to. John told me that backing out was not an option after I decided to come to his place knowing what would occur. I could have stayed home but after having discussed being crucified so often with John, it seemed very unfair of me to consider backing out now.

John told me that he was not interested in bondage and that he was not interested in a suspension with safe words. Crucifixion was more than an event of suspension. It was a death sentence by the worst torture imaginable. Often having said to John, â€œI wonder what it would be liked to be crucified,â€ made the anticipated event larger and more erotic than reality. Although John cautioned me that I was putting more on my plate than I could eat, I did not allow this to soak in.

I actually did not realize what he was saying. Crucifixion was a long process that could last hours if not days. To know what it was like to be crucified, one had to approach death. To come off the cross after twenty minutes of suspension and the use of a safe word was not crucifixion. There was no safe word in crucifixion. When you have had all you could take and it was no longer fun and games, *that's* when the crucifixion and subsequent slow torture began and you stayed on the cross until the end. Or at least near the end, which John called real edge play. But that would be the only way one could know what it was like to be crucified.

And that's what I had signed up for.

Laying there on the cross, realizing there was no turning back, my mind raced with thoughts to that which I had committed. This situation was completely out of character for me. How could I have been so foolish? My parents would never have thought that I would have volunteered to be tied naked to a cross and agree to suffer to almost death. John had gone to great efforts to make this experience as real as could be without actually killing me (I think).

He was not interested in the physical aspects of crucifixion. He said it was the psychology of torture that made torture what it was. Some people could withstand long periods of torture because they could turn pain into pleasure. This was easy to do with suspension on a cross, if you knew you would be coming down in a few minutes. But if you thought that you were going to die, that there was no end to your helplessness, and that you could not stop the pain, then this added to the torture. To know what it was like to be crucified evolved going past ones limits. In being crucified one would pray to die, would hope for death, and long to escape from the cross without any hope of doing so. As I thought of this, fear gripped my heart and I fainted again only to be awakened by the tightening of the ropes.

After I was securely fastened to the cross John pointed out that I had asked for this experience. He loved me and was going to grant my wish. He would make my crucifixion as real as possible. It was dead of winter, clouds in the sky and snow on the ground. It was cold in Johnâ€™s large basement where I was being crucified. To make the experience real, John had purchased several large heat lamps. He explained that a hot sun was needed for a real crucifixion and that he had timers on the heat lamps to simulate day and night.

â€œYou will get a real sun burn and the heat from the lamps will add to your thirst and desire for water.. You can keep track of time by suffering each dayâ€™s hot sun and each nightâ€™s chill.â€

These words horrified me as I began to realize that John had planned my torture to last for days. This was not what I wanted and it was not part of my fantasy but thinking back, it is what I agreed to. How could I have been so foolish? I truly began to panic!

I had never been physically punished by my parents. There was never a need to punish me since I grew up as a very well behaved child, spoiled and pampered, but well behaved. My parents raised me to be sensible, to use common sense, and to increase my self esteem with a good education. This crucifixion was the worst mistake in judgment that I had ever made. I began to realize this as John turned the pulley that was lifting my cross to an upright position. Panic intensified and guilt increased as I realized that I had violated the good upbringing that my parents had given me. Where did this lust for pain and pleasure come? Where did the idea that to be crucified would be enjoyable? There were no events in my background that would promote a desire for me to be punished in the manner in which I was about to be punished.

â€œDarling, after I get you up, I will explain more of what you are in for,â€ John said.

As the cross began to rise, my anticipation grew. What was in store for me was going to be terrible. The idea of this terribleness was worse than the pain that was growing in my arms but as the cross became straight, the pain beginning in my armpits became enormous. John quickly explained that the crucifier could increase the suffering of the victim by how the arms were fastened to the cross. The more the arms were fastened like a Y, then less the stress on the armpits. That was the part of the body that housed sensitive nerves going to the breast and down the arms to the wrist. To tie some one to the cross in a T formation was to increase the stress on the armpits making the experience of hanging on the cross thousands of times more intense. John had tied my arms straight to my sides with no slack. When the weight of my 110 lb. body pulled down, the pain shot through my body so strongly from the armpit that I hardly realized that I was fastened to the cross by my wrist.

This was not going to be either fun or erotic after a short time of hanging there.

The first response was to open my mouth wide and grasp for breath. My eyes bulged from the shock of the initial pain. I could not exhale air because of the shock of what was happening to me. I could not scream! Tears flooded from my eyes! I went numb throughout my chest and felt sick throughout my abdominal region. I waned to faint to escape the surge of pain that shocked my body and jumped suddenly to my brain. Simultaneous before I could take a second breath, panic and fear squeezed my chest tight. My normal size breasts were very hard with blood pressure building in them. What have I done, I thought?

As I hung there, too scared to move, the pain in my arms and wrists began to become real to me. My armpits were dripping perspiration and dripping to the floor. With all this wetness my armpits were on fire as the tendons and muscles stretched at the weight of my body. How could I have been so dumb to think crucifixion was erotic?

Crucifixion pain is like this. You do not get use to it. You may adjust but it does not become less intense. It accumulates and becomes something more intense. You can not adjust to deal with it fast enough. Give up any hope of becoming comfortable as the pain stays well ahead of any psychological adjustment your body makes.

I finally began to breath. I screamed and cried. I pulled on my ropes which made them cut into my wrists and drops of blood came from around the ropes. John began to explain my situation, as he had promised.

â€œThere is no comfortable position and I urge you to save your strength by not screaming and squirming. It will do you no good. There is no hope that you will be coming down until the crucifixion is complete. We did not use nails to fasten you to the cross. This was not a favor to you as it lengthens the time you will be on the cross. The timers on the heat lamps have been turned on for several hours and the basement is about 105 degrees where you are. There are several hours of assimilated daylight left. I am afraid that your beautiful pink skin will be damaged but that is part of crucifixion. You will want water. Give up the idea that your thirst will be quenched. You will reach the edge quicker this way. The edge will come to you in at least three days this way.â€

cygnusx5 · Jun 29, 2011

A CRUCIFIXION FANTASY (revised) part three

The heat from the lamps was torturous. It was difficult to breath. It seemed that time slowed. After ten minutes or so, I had adjusted enough that I remembered why I was here. It was the thought of eroticism that drove me to this point. As I thought about this I felt myself becoming wet and aroused. This sexual feeling also built until I had a climax and a sexual frenzy. After the climax passed, the crucifixion took on a more painful stage as if I was being punished for having a thrill during my suffering. I longed for these sexual feelings to return as this made my suffering more tolerable. But, this was not to be. I was ready to come down from the cross but as John said there were no safe words and no stopping the process. Things were getting worse and the pain was growing as hope vanished and fear replaced it.

I realized the reasons that I submitted to the cross as I hung there. This might have been the first time that I admitted that I was lonely and depressed much of my life. Depression is a physical thing that affects the mind. Wanting to suffer does not help depression to go away but actual torture and suffering does cause depression to vanish. I was looking for relief and comfort for my dysphonic feelings. But I did not expect this. I began to believe that I was going to die. John had no way of knowing when I came to the edge. He could not know when it was time to release me. As I thought, as the heat built in my body, I panicked, fainted, and writhed in agony. There was no escape. What had I done?

It seemed like an eternity but finally the hot first day came to an end as the heat lamps went low and finally went off. A new aspect of crucifixion appeared. Perspiration on my body dried. It became cold in the basement. I was thirsty, shivering from the cold, and cramping seemingly in every muscle in my body. The pain from the change in temperature was as bad as the hanging from the cross. My arms hurt, my armpits burned, and breathing became more difficult. Darkness brought a new terror. I was alone. I thought John had gone to bed and left me there with my cross as my only comfort.

I am not even going to try to explain how I suffered during the period of darkness but be sure that it was pleasing to see the timer turn the sun lamps on and daylight break up the darkness. It seemed that I had been on the cross for an eternity but it could have been no longer than twelve hours. The temperature began to rise in that basement. I was so thirsty! I became hot but could not sweat. I had peed during the darkness. Now I was ready to throw up all the contents in my stomach. I did but there was nothing there. The dry heaves made the pain worse. I began to panic. Why had I made myself go through this?

Where was John? I cried, screamed, and begged him to take me off the cross. I had had all I could take long ago.

â€œThatâ€™s not true,â€ John said, â€œyou thought that yesterday but you have endured. You would like down but youâ€™re crucified, aren't you. And crucified people stay crucified until the deed is done. Until the cross and nails have finished their work. You're learning what crucifixion really is. You are learning what torture is and it is not what you fantasize it is; it really is torture.â€

John then threatened me: â€œIf you continue to complain, I am going to nail you to the cross. That will hasten your death and intensify your pain. I will cut your ropes and allow the nails to hold your 110 lb. body on the cross. Do you want to be nailed? Do not test me, I will do it. When you're nailed to the cross, the fact that you are really being subjected to death by crucifixion burns in your brain. It's all you can think about. 'I'm being crucified, just like in biblical times. A Roman crucifixion. My hands are nailed to the cross. There's no turning back. I'm really going to die by crucifixion, one of the worst deaths imaginable.â€

John knew that a person on the cross could not keep from begging to come down but his intention was to terrify me. It worked. I was already about to lose my mind. The suffering was more than I could stand but I had to stand it. At the time I thought anything would be better than being nailed to the cross so I tried to keep quit. This was what John wanted. Time passed slowly. I fainted several times. It was difficult to raise my head; I hung there burning from the sun lamps, thirsting for water. I was motionless on the cross. Fear and panic gripped my heart. The suffering never stopped. It only intensified as the heat lamps began to go off. My lips and mouth was so dry that my lips began to crack and stick together. My tongue was pasted to the roof of my mouth. To scream or plead for mercy would have been very painful. There was no use anyway and I knew it. Why did I not realize what I was asking for when I wondered what it was like to be crucified?

When the heat lamps came on again, I realized that I had not been able to sleep. I did pass out several times. Waking up each time only made the darkness seem longer and the suffering even greater, so I began to wish that I was dead. I did not want to live, not like this.

After several hours John said to me that today was the third day in the sun lamp assimilation. He said that I had survived longer than he thought I would.

I could barely lift my head to look at him, but I did.

I know what you're thinking. It's been two days.. surely he'll let me down. But you're being crucified, darling. You asked me to crucify you, and now I'm doing it. And a person being crucified does not come down after a couple of days. They come down only after they're dead. I warned you I could not go part way with this. You agreed to let me crucify you, a Roman crucifixion. And that's exactly what I'm going to do to you.
I felt panic all that day for fear that John would not release me from the cross. In a way, I did not want off the cross. I wanted to die because I did not know how to live with the memory of this experience.

As the lamps went low, John said, â€œHere is some water; suck is slowly while I prepare to bring you down from your cross.â€

The water broke the seal on my lips and mouth enough so I could barley speak. I groaned as I felt the cross being lowered. Finally my cross was laid flat on the ground. Still tied to the cross John told me that he feared I was now a broken woman, that my mind had been damaged, and that I would never be able to forgive him for what he had done. He did say that he thought I would now know what it was like to be crucified.

â€œI know,â€ I said. â€œI expected to be on the cross not more than six hours, not three days; how many hours have I been on that cross?â€

Then came the greatest surprise of my life! John said, â€œDarling, you have been on the cross a total of three hours. I fear you were broken up there.â€

The torture had been real. But John was soon to learn that I had not been broken as I replied: â€œThe next time then, we use nails. And you dress in a Roman centurion outfit.â€

Nuka · Jun 29, 2011

I think if we were to play it out, I'd use more bondage, supporting my sub from wrists, elbows and breast bondage...

It would certaintly be an interesting one to try. Not too dissimilar for long sessions of being suspended by the wrists above the head I should imagine...

melapelatodo · Jul 6, 2011

yes, I kwno people that enjoy with this. It's a painfull way to have pleasure : )

mymartinet · Jul 8, 2011

I know a pain-sub who would relish being crucified. Mmmmmmmm might try that. I`ll let you know

bakerboy · Aug 17, 2011

For the fans of the "game" this is a clip from a movie.

http://www.smplace.com/preview?/new/caligulas_spawn_part_one/images/img/003.jpg

http://www.smplace.com/preview?/new/caligulas_spawn_part_one/movie_preview.html

enjoy

Crucifixion Fetish or Fantasy

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