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A CRUCIFIXION FANTASY
MY FRIEND jOHN'S GIRLFRIEND WAS CRUCIFIED BY jOHN. HERE IS WHAT SHE SAID ABOUT THE EXPERIENC.
A CRUCIFIXION FANTASY
What had I done? I never expected this type of pain!
From the beginning crucifixion appeared to be erotic and sexual.
That’s how I thought of it. It was something to be enjoyed throughout but the eroticism lasted only for about ten seconds. My idea of crucifixion was a true fantasy. In reality it was what it was intended to be – a very real torture.
When he fastened my wrist to the T cross, it was like a dream. I felt ashamed that I did not resisted him. But, this was what I wanted. From excitement and fear I fainted before he finished tightening the ropes. It was now too late to back out of this situation. This, however, was my first experience with any type of bondage. It makes one wonder why the choice was made to go so close to the edge. But, I had never had any interest in bondage save for this crucifixion fantasy. I had thoughts that the fantasy would be wonderful but it was nothing like the reality of the experience. The truth of this was being revealed to me as I lay there with my necked back to the cross. I was awakened by John pulling my arms straight along the T beam. As the ropes tightened on my wrists, the strain on my armpits had already begun. This was not going to be either fun or erotic after a short time of hanging there. The stress in my arms testified to this and the cross had not been lifted as yet.
Although I now sensed what this experience would be like, it remained erotic at first. I could not have resisted had I chose to do so. The realization that this was happening to me sucked all the strength from my body. I was completely limp, afraid of what I had subjected myself to. John told me that backing out was not an option after I decided to come to his place knowing what would occur. I could have stayed home but after having discussed being crucified so often with John, it seemed very unfair of me to consider backing out now.
John told me that he was not interested in bondage and that he was not interested in a suspension with safe words. Crucifixion was more than an event of suspension. It was a death sentence by the worst torture imaginable. Often having said to John, “I wonder what it would be liked to be crucified,†made the anticipated event larger and more erotic than reality. Although John cautioned me that I was putting more on my plate than I could eat, I did not allow this to soak in.
I actually did not realize what he was saying. Crucifixion was a long process that could last hours if not days. To know what it was like to be crucified, one had to approach death. To come off the cross after twenty minutes of suspension and the use of a safe word was not crucifixion. There was no safe word in crucifixion. When you have had all you could take, the torture began and you stayed on the cross until the end or at least near the end, which John called real edge play. But that would be the only way one could know what it was like to be crucified.
Laying there on the cross, realizing there was no turning back, my mind raced with thoughts to that which I had committed. This situation was completely out of character for me. How could I have been so foolish? My parents would never have thought that I would have volunteered to be tied naked to a cross and agree to suffer to almost death. John had gone to great efforts to make this experience as real as could be without actually killing me. He was not interested in the physical aspects of crucifixion. He said it was the psychology of torture that made torture what it was. Some people could withstand long periods of torture because they could turn pain into pleasure. This was easy to do with suspension on a cross, if you knew you would be coming down in a few minutes. But if you thought that you were going to die, that there was no end to your helplessness, and that you could not stop the pain, then this added to the torture. To know what it was like to be crucified evolved going past ones limits. In being crucified one would pray to die, would hope for death, and long to escape from the cross without any hope of doing so. As I thought of this, fear gripped my heart and I fainted again only to be awakened by the tightening of the ropes.
After I was securely fastened to the cross John pointed out that I had asked for this experience. He loved me and was going to grant my wish. He would make my crucifixion as real as possible. It was dead of winter, clouds in the sky and snow on the ground. It was cold in John’s large basement where I was being crucified. To make the experience real, John had purchased several large heat lamps. He explained that a hot sun was needed for a real crucifixion and that he had timers on the heat lamps to simulate day and night.
“You will get a real sun burn and the heat from the lamps will add to your thirst and desire for water.. You can keep track of time by suffering each day’s hot sun and each night’s chill.â€
These words horrified me as I began to realize that John had planned my torture to last for days. This was not what I wanted and it was not part of my fantasy but thinking back, it is what I agreed to. How could I have been so foolish? I truly began to panic!
I had never been physically punished by my parents. There was never a need to punish me since I grew up as a very well behaved child, spoiled and pampered, but well behaved. My parents raised me to be sensible, to use common sense, and to increase my self esteem with a good education. This crucifixion was the worst mistake in judgment that I had ever made. I began to realize this as John turned the pulley that was lifting my cross to an upright position. Panic intensified and guilt increased as I realized that I had violated the good upbringing that my parents had given me. Where did this lust for pain and pleasure come? Where did the idea that to be crucified would be enjoyable? There were no events in my background that would promote a desire for me to be punished in the manner in which I was about to be punished.
“Darling, after I get you up, I will explain more of what you are in for,†John said.
As the cross began to rise, my anticipation grew. What was in store for me was going to be terrible. The idea of this terribleness was worst than the pain that was growing in my arms but as the cross became straight, the pain beginning in my armpits became enormous. John quickly explained that the crucifier could increase the suffering of the victim by how the arms were fastened to the cross. The more the arms were fastened like a Y, then less the stress on the armpits. That was the part of the body that housed sensitive nerves going to the breast and down the arms to the wrest. To tie some one to the cross in a T formation was to increase the stress on the armpits making the experience of hanging on the cross thousands of times more intense. John had tied my arms straight to my sides with no slack. When the weight of my 110 lb. body pulled down, the pain shot through my body so strongly from the armpit that I hardly realized that I was fastened to the cross by my wrist.
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