Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by duchess, Aug 11, 2012.

  1. duchess

    duchess New Member

    Hiya, im looking for a little bit of info.. maybe some help. Im unsure if BDSM is the thing for me... Im really not sure if thats what im into or not, as i like the little things such has spanking.. hair pulling.. being tied up.. and i love the idea of someone being rough with me., maybe.. lol. Theres just some stuff im not sure i could do.. like the whole "torcher" side of things! Some of it seems abit scary! So do i just like abit of rough play? or do i have potential?

    Hopfully someone can help me out.. ta in advance
    Duchess x
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  2. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    You don't have to like everything. You can set all your own limits, and not be into pain play, etc, and still be into BDSM. The label isn't as important as what you actually like and don't, etc. I'm sure you could find a dom who wasn't interested in more than you want, or who would be willing to take things slow, and I'm also sure you could get a vanilla partner who was willing to oblige the smaller fantasies. So, in short, it's all up to you
  3. Mdent

    Mdent New Member

    Hey welcome to the forum, i would say have a read through the new commers faq. Then read a few topics that catch your eye. But bdsm isnt all or nothing, you cater what you want with what you do. You dont have to do anything you dont enjoy.
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  4. subarama30

    subarama30 Member

    I think there is this misconception that to be kinky must mean that you are an extremist or have no limits. You can be into whatever you like, there is no rule book that says you have to like x,y and z to be into bdsm.

    Everyone is different. Just go for what you like and enjoy yourself, it's perfectly fine to pick and choose what parts you would like to dabble in. Not all Doms want to inflict pain or are sadists in any way. Some like the mental aspect, some sensual play, etc. Just as some people keep their desires in the bedroom while others prefer 24/7
  5. Hiya, I would agree that everyone is different. I was re introduced to the world of BDSM by a friend - on a theoretical level. Fortunately I had an interest in being a Dom and he was definitely a sub. He kind of told me the things he liked and as I had no frame of reference ie I hadnt had time to think about what I wanted I went along with his likes and it became practical but on quite a tame level.

    For various reasons we are not really in contact any more and I always assumed that the BDSM side of me only existed with him - it wasnt something I wanted to take with me into a relationship. However there are things I like doing - such as cropping and sensation play. I dont however really enjoy full on degredation and I definitely like cuddles afterwards.

    So I think if someone comes along who I trust etc I would mention it to them to see if they were interested. I would say for me its more a bit of fun in order to have some different available for the bedroom rather than a sexual need.

    As others have said there is no document you have to sign saying 'right if I declare I am interested in BDSM then I have to do x y and z'. Just as in the vanilla world there are things people like doing and things they dont. You just have to talk to your partner or whatever and do what you both enjoy.

    Mistress Maria
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  6. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Read through my post in the Newcomer's FAQ on the 4 spheres of BDSM. Liking one sphere doesn't mean you will automatically like the other spheres (although you might). There is no one right way to BDSM, so do whatever forms of play turn you on and leave the others off-limits. But don't be surprised if, after a while, you start to get interested in forms of play you used to think were too extreme. Progression of interests is a very common thing among kinksters
  7. MrPink

    MrPink New Member

    As most people here seem to have said you really do not need to commit to anything when it comes to BDSM. Like all sexual/ sensual exploration you will learn what you do and do not like and work with that. Any 'Dom/ Top' unwilling to work within your safe zone is someone you should not associate with.

    I'm speaking from nearly your position when I say this. I got into this stuff only recently (about 6 months now) when encouraged by a (now) ex. I was always curious about it but figured I would be better off as a sub. Once I started actually trying this stuff I realized I could only dom and I quickly figured out what my own limits are. The point is whatever you do will end up feeling natural and (in some sense) comfortable for you. Also I assure you, once you get into these activities 'vanilla' sex does not (necessarily) lose any of its appeal.
  8. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Pink: Yeah. 4 years ago, I had virtually no experience with BDSM except a little pain play. If you had asked me then, I would have said I was submissive. But I was open to experimenting, and bingo! I discovered I'm a dom, and a damn good one.

    So the moral (or immoral) of this story is to be open to experimenting, even if you think you might not like something. It's important to have hard limits (I will never, under any circumstances, do anything involved children, animals, or women), but be open to pushing your soft limits with the right person.

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