Caught In Between

hopefulsub · May 4, 2010

One of my issues is how to tell him what I want, when a sub should be submissive to their master's wants. Since we started dating, I had been very open and giving. I love to give, and please him. I didn't know what I wanted was bdsm but a friend of mine I am very close to (a closet dom) brought it up to me and since then I've been hoping my bf would agree. I don't want to come out and tell him what I want from him and what I hope we can be like because I find it almost too forthright to say as a natural sub.

sebastian · May 4, 2010

Hopeful, that's a very common thing with subs, but honestly it's not fair to your bf. You're essentially expecting him to be psychic, to magically know what you want without having to tell him. Even the most skilled doms can't do that with consistency, and you're looking for it from someone who doesn't even think of himself as a dom yet. The only place you're going to find a dom like that is a porn novel.

Like Silly says, you have to communicate your desires to him. It might feel awkward, but you're going to have to do it. And you'll have to keep doing it throughout the course of the relationship. Even if he becomes a skilled dom, the two of you will have to constantly discuss what is working and what isn't and how to improve and what you want that you haven't done yet. There's just no way around this.

sillylittlepet · May 4, 2010

Just because you're a sub does NOT mean you have to bend to your master's each and every will.

Sebastian said that a D/s relationship basically goes against the idea of an "equal" relationship. I respectfully disagree, because I dont believe that this has to be true.
It is every submissive's right to have hard limits (things we will never be coaxed into doing so dont even try) just like the dominant has hard limits. A master should always be asking his/her pet if he/she is okay, if they enjoy or enjoyed the scene, what kinds of things they liked or disliked, if new ideas are exciting, etc.
You bow down to your master's will in a safe environment that you and your master have specifically created.

You're not even in a 24/7 master & slave relationship! The idea that you cant talk to him about what you want is ridiculous. And it will still be ridiculous when you are his submissive for real.

(also, Seb, awesome analogy! I love it!)

sebastian · May 4, 2010

Silly, I didn't mean to say that doms and subs aren't equal at the base of the relationship. But the essence of d/s play is consensual power exchange. The dom and sub negotiate the rules of their interaction as equals, but once that's over, the Dom is superior to the sub for as long as the sub consents. On the outside, this violates our ideas about men and women being equals.

sillylittlepet · May 4, 2010

ohhh, oh I see

yes. okay everything he said!

mr.Master · May 4, 2010

Good!

mr.Master · May 4, 2010

Good!

Caught In Between

hopefulsub

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sebastian

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sillylittlepet

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sebastian

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sillylittlepet

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mr.Master

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mr.Master

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