He needs to discover his inner Dom
Hi Catherine,
One piece of advice. Don't think about your objective as "this is what I want him to do", but instead think "this is how I would like him to feel".
You want to feel dominated. And for that he needs to discover his inner Dom
And he needs to enjoy doing it. Since he's a man that's easy - if it means more sex (particularly more blow jobs) then he'll be happy. We men are not complicated machines.
You're lucky because most men are "programmed" to be dominant by evolution and by the conventions of society. Yes...even in an "world of equality".
However, it's extremely dangerous to start a sub-Dom relationship and expect him to automatically know what to do. If you can get him to feel that he "has permission" to dominate you...then together you can begin to explore how he does it.
Master Jey asked about limits, and he's right. You need to be totally sure what your "hard limits" are (things you would never do, or want to have done to you under any circumstances), and also what your "soft limits" are (things you will only enjoy if you are extremely turned on).
Dominance or submission is a state of mind. For example...
Many years ago I was in a relationship with a girl who did not have any particular sub-Dom tendencies. For Valentine's Day I bought her a nice, sexy corset that she could wear in the bedroom, and she was happy to do that.
But then one evening we were getting ready to have dinner with her family. I ordered her to wear the corset under her clothes. She was actually quite a prude, and I had to insist that she obey (I never used physical punishments on her).
During the dinner every glance we shared caused her to blush, and you can take it from me that when we got back home that night we fucked like rabbits - she was so totally turned on. The whole evening she knew my attention was on her...and she knew exactly what I was thinking.
Over a period of time I ramped up the humiliation - making her wear a butt plug in public, shaving her pussy, getting her nipples pierced and so on. These were all things that really caused her no embarrassment because nobody else knew about them. They were our secret. But for her these were all acts of submission to my will.
(BTW these things might seem rather tame these days but I'm talking about 30 years ago, and believe me, pierced nipples were very "out there" in 1980s Northampton!!!)
And after a while she began to ask me to do more. We never got to impact play, but light bondage was next, and so on.
I had to bring out her "inner submissive", whereas you need to nurture his "inner Dom".
Cheers,
Stanley
