Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by lookingtolearn, Jul 4, 2010.

  1. lookingtolearn

    lookingtolearn New Member

    Hey, well my girlfriend really wants me to give her a wedgie the front and the back. I mean she gets kind of turned thinking about being bullied from what she's seen in movies and the like, but she doesn't really know what bullying is like for guys. I mean I have a real good friend, but he's really shy and pretty nerdy, you know he's not into sports, kind of small, into all that scifi stuff. So whenever people used to pick on him, I would do to them the same thing they did to him, wedgie for a wedgie and so on. People almost completely stopped doing it. I've seen how bad it is, and I just don't feel okay doing that to her, I mean that's not the sort of pain that would turn on most if not all the people on this forum, but it's really bad. I just don't know how to explain that to her. Can someone help me explain to her what it's like, I mean she says that it's okay because she knows I love her, but still...

    P.S. Also, she's been wanting me to use ropes on her pussy like you see in a lot of bdsm things, I'm a life scout so I know a lot of different ties, but what kind of rope and what kind of tie should I use to do that? Sorry I didn't want to take up a whole new post with a tiny question, like this. Thanks a lot guys.
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  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Your girlfriend may be into humiliation. It's a less common fetish for women than male subs, but if she wants you to 'bully' her, it's probably the humiliation that she's turned on by. That at any rate is my guess. Humiliation is probably the hardest of the 4 major spheres of play for a non-sub to understand. I have some appreciation for how male subs get off on it, but I don't fully understand it, so I can't offer a lot of guidance. But I can say that if she is asking you for it, it's something that she thinks she will enjoy. Therefore doing it to her is not cruel, even if doing it to someone else would be cruel.

    As a dom, it's important for you to learn that being dominant involves you doing things that seem cruel on their surface, and which would be cruel if you did them to someone who did not want to receive them. The context within which the actions are done completely changes the actions. The fact that she is asking for it means that, not only is it not cruel, it's an expression of love and affection, because you're trying to meet her needs. So 'bullying' her with a wedgie does not mean you're a cruel person; it actually means you're a caring person.

    All of that said, you are permitted to have limits to the play as much as she is permitted to. If you feel deeply uncomfortable with the idea of giving her a wedgie, if doing that takes you somewhere emotionally that is unpleasant or frightening, don't do it. Explain to her that giving her a wedgie is something you are not able to do at this time. You've done a lot of work learning to be rough with her, so you've shown that you're willing to address her desires, and she will just have to accept that this is one that pushes too many buttons for you right now. D/s play is supposed to be enjoyable for both parties, so if you know you won't enjoy it, don't do it.

    For your bondage question, look for a soft nylon rope that doesn't have a hard core. If you're going to start exploring bondage, I strongly recommending getting one of Jay Wiseman's books on bondage (like the Erotic Bondage Handbook or SM 101). They will discuss the best types of rope to use and very importantly, they will discuss important safety concerns (like never run a rope over a joint or the throat, and ALWAYS have an EMT shears available in case you need to cut the sub out quickly). Bondage is physically the riskiest form of d/s play, but the risks can be minimized with a little common sense and some safety basics. I'm not trying to scare you into not exploring bondage; it's pretty easy to play safely once you've read up on the basics. I just want to make sure that you know that you need to be informed.
  3. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    Being bullied is ALL about humiliation

    And as one of the rarer female subs who craves humiliation (why is it less girls than boys?), let me tell you upfront that real bullying and playtime bullying are miles apart. I dont ask my master to humiliate me because I want to be ashamed to emotionally/physically hurt, I do it because its a huge turn on. Now that my master has gotten the hang of it, its one of the most exciting things we do together!
    Just a example story to show how humiliation play does NOT equal cruel humilation

    There's construction going on outside my house, and my master was bullying me into admitting that I'm a slut for "letting the workers know about my perversions" after I was crying out so loudly
    Later, much to my master's horror, we could actually hear the workers outside talking in normal voices.
    He's convinced that they really could hear us, and he doesn't like that. Now he doesnt want to play at my house while they're around!
    As you can see, my master doesnt really want to humiliate me in a mean way, only in a fun and sexy way that we've both agreed on

    Lets be honest here. Are you seriously saying you cant give your girlfriend a wedgie?
    Really truly ask yourself why that is. If you're worried about hurting her, then start gently! I think there's a problem if you can't at least be gentle. If she wants it, then it couldnt hurt to at least try. If she wants it one way or another, chances are good that she'll tell you.

    siiiiiiiiighh... if you cant do it because of some emotional reasons or a mental block or whatever then just tell her no. Its not hard
  4. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

    LTL - Don't be held back by your imagined reaction.

    Just try it. I think over time you may find that she just likes to be manhandled, and yes slp, humiliated too. She sounds like a lot of fun.

    But you have to go through it to appreciate her reaction. I know of other women who like ropes in their crotch and it really turns them on. Sounds like the wedgie is foreplay.

    Start with nylon braid or twist at 3/16, or 14th at the largest. you can find a pack of it at the hardware store and it's not expensive.
    If you use hemp or that hard polypropylene rope without practice with softer ropes, you're gonna damage her so don't.

    At the size I suggested (or any size, for that matter) you should always double it.

    The nylon is soft, durable, a little stretchy but not too much, and washes well if whipped properly.
    You can do a quick whip with rubber cement. Just dip an inch, let it soak for 10 or 15 seconds and squeeze it in and off the end.
    The squeeze will push the rubber cement into the rope and keep it from unraveling. It's the quickest and easiest (other than e-tape, which eventually comes off) and it leaves the ends soft.

    Don't wipe the rubber cement completely off the end of the rope though. it needs to stay wet. Just hang it to dry.

    To start, I would take the loop of the doubled rope and hold it at the small of her back. Wrap the rope around and back to the starting point. Go through the loop and tighten it, making sure the join is right in the middle. Then take the rope down the crack and right up the front. You could split it right around the clit, or just pull it up the front, regardless of where it runs (but it's got to run right up between the lips. Run the rope right up her tummy (under the surrounding anchor rope) and up towards her neck. Pull up till she's on her tip toes and decide how long you want it to last, and what you're gonna do to her while she is like that.
    You should also decide ahead of time what you will do with her hands (I like tying them behind and attaching to the anchor point.

    After you start you can expand your play to make her walk the knotted rope. Just tie each end at about the right level so it rubs her as she walks down the rope. She'll love the knots. If you want you can tie a vibrator on one section and make her stand there until you allow her to move (idea - courtesy of Hogtied).

    Once you see her reaction I think you will be able to flush your visions of the true bully effect.

    Hope this is clear
    Let us know how it goes.
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2010

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