breaking point

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by chalice, Nov 5, 2009.

  1. chalice

    chalice New Member

    I have a dillema that's been plaguing me for quite some time now, and wondered what everyone's thoughts were. Here's the scenario; my Dom and i are at play and as the scene intensity heightens i sometimes have waves (not even waves, it feels more like tsunamis) of extreme emotional releases that result in me crying hysterically. my Dom will stop or slow play to check my emotional well being (hold me etc.) but this experience is so infuriating and frustrating i wonder is it an indicator of a problem. Will it ever lessen or stop or should I just experience it like any other emotion and accept it as part of my experience with this lifestyle. Does anyone else have episodes like these, and what is your analysis?
     
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  2. I have crying fits too, pretty much all the time.

    I am still really new to all of this; my master is the only person who has ever seen my true potential and shown willingness to unlock this. I want to learn so many new things, not just to please my master, but to prove to myself that I am capable of such things.

    When it first started, it was through the pain of an intense flogging. I would try my hardest to hold back my tears of pain, fearing I would disgrace myself by letting such emotions show, but eventually I realised that to do so was, for want of a better word, pointless, and from then on just gave into it whenever I could feel it coming on.

    But then, after we had been together a little while, I found tears of a different kind beginning to form. I have a tendency to get over emotional as it is, and this started to come through in an overwhelming confusion of feelings, during more intense sessions, or sometimes not starting until the session was over. I soon came to recognise it as a form of emotional release, as once the tears dried up, I always found that I felt at least a little better.

    There is no shame in crying during a session, in feeling emotional. Do you feel anything negative while tearful, any panic or fear? Do you, like me, feel better for having had a cry? I wouldn't say, at this point, that there is anything wrong. In fact, my master gets off on my crying, when it's tears of pain. He loves to see me push my limits, and endure just that little bit more pain, and when I do, he is extremely proud of me; he once told me that my tears of pain are 'the icing on the cake'.

    Have you spoken to your dom about how you feel, does he/she understand what is going on inside your head at that moment? Communication is vital, and a safeword or safetoy is also a good idea, to end a session that gets too much for you.

    Hope this helps :)
     
  3. I've never been brought to the point of tears. Although I very much want to and My Lord intends to try very soon! :-D

    The idea is very attractive to both of us. We just haven't found the trigger yet to get me to cry.
     
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  4. chalice

    chalice New Member

    of the mixture of emotions i experience during these episodes, i've come to identify the predominant emotion as relief. But then when i know it's coming i cry ten times harder because i know my Dom's response will be to slow the scene and sometimes stop. He says it's all normal but didn't have any answers as to whether or not it will stop or lessen over time. His explanation, knowing me and my background, was that i had been told all my life that this was a form of abuse and that i should, by that standard, hate him. i've been led to believe that this is not something to enjoy and that i would be sick for doing so. But, this is something i've needed all my life, so experiencing it lets the flood gates open and the relief is overwhelming. In fact, the first times it happened, i was shocked and confused that i was crying. i think i was more afraid of my tears and what they could mean than of anything else.

    I will say that i've never cried out of pain though. I'm verrrry intrigued by the thought of reaching that limit.
    mlml, do you mind my asking when you guys discuss how to bring you to that limit, what ideas have you come across?
     
  5. kittengrey

    kittengrey Member

    I used to do that. And yes, it is a form of release. The physical pain builds onto whatever emotional pain you have and the walls holding whatever emotional pain you have back will break. Ummm....out of own experience it should stop eventually, but it will take time.
    Unfortunately, with my current master, I haven't gone through that, because I'm not comfortable enough to that point yet. I really don't want to have a break down in front of him, even though this weekend may cause one.......its going to include a bull whip, clothes pins, a taser, and a paddle o-o;
     
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  6. Death

    Death Member

    One may cry for so many reasons... as long as you feel okay, afterwards, there shouldn't be a problem.

    Hearing that you feel relief certainly sounds nice... I'm a dominant male and whenever in the future, when I have found my dear little slave, hearing her say something like that would be so hot and cute... her crying like that would be like the final making of perfection... can't even begin to describe how much I'd like it. So beautiful. :/
     
  7. pepeluism

    pepeluism Member

    This is an interesting thread. I usually say that I like heartless, sadistic mistresses, but at the end of the day what I mean is I want a Mistress that will not stop at my crying, begging and screaming. In fact, if she feeds off of that, it's even better.

    The reason behind it is that not only does my body experiences a huge rush of adrenaline for a long time, but after a the punishment is over, the "satisfaction" is amazing.

    Nothing like laying on the floor, full of welts, black and blue, after an hour of begging, screaming. All cried out. It's so liberating.
     
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  8. GreyMac

    GreyMac Member

    If you truly submerse yourself in the experience and you are guided well and properly, most or all the frustrations and impotent anger you experience with things you can't control will flow out with that release. Chalise seems to be experiencing this strongly.

    Relief is an apt description.

    The complete loss of emotional control will pass, to a great extent, when you have let go of most of your store of saved up anger andor frustration.

    I sometimes envy submissives their ability to surrender themselves so totally into the moment. All they really must do is let go and flow with the current. I recognize that their emotional investment is quite high, though.
     
  9. chalice

    chalice New Member

    Interesting that I have to stop fighting that flow in order to regain control to balance myself so i can give it up again more completely. What a beautiful cycle. I love this life.

    For a while, I thought that this wasn't really right for me because i had such an overwhelming "negative" reaction. I actually thought that it indicated some type of previous abuse or something. Actually there's a related thread on here about the correlation between possible previous abuse and the choice to partake in bdsm. I've had several people attribute my affinity for bondage, pain, etc. to some early childhood abuse. To my knowledge, I haven't been abused. However, it seemed like a possiblity to me since the feelings rushing out were what most people would consider normal responses to being abused. The incredibly hard part was explaining that simultaneous and predominant feeling of relief.
     
  10. Nexxie

    Nexxie New Member

    What a beautiful thread... i hope to someday experience the release you do, chalice.
     

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