beginners looking for advice

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Barrowsin, Apr 10, 2012.

  1. Barrowsin

    Barrowsin New Member

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    Hello everyone,

    My partner and I are both new to this forum and also new to BDSM of any type, I am 25 y/o male and my partner is 34 y/o female. when we first got together she expressed some interest in spanking and tying, after much discussion we decided to go ahead and try this out for her and at this point myself to, as after the talks, it became something that I would like to try too.

    So, we tried this and we loved it - every single min of it. So, after this was over we wanted to move forward into something a little extra. My partner again, expressed interest in using a " flogger " on one of our spanking sessions.

    So my question is - What flogger should we use as beginners to get the most enjoyment out of out time and to set us off into discovering if we actually like this or not.

    Any other advice for beginners in the BDSM world would also be welcome or games to try and whatnot. We are a very open minded couple and we love to discuss anything and everything that we enjoy or would like to enjoy sexually.

    Thank-you for your time
  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Floggers are moderately advanced impact play, a significant step up from spanking. With spanking, it's fairly easy to control where the blow lands, because you have so much control over your hand. Floggers, on the other hand, are challenging to control, because the tails are so far from your hand, your wrist and elbow are involved, and the tails are not rigid. There are three suggestions I would make.
    (As you read this, keep in mind that I am not an expert at flogging; I'm still learning it)

    1) Try an intermediate step between spanking and flogging. Get either a paddle (or paddle-like object, like a wooden spoon or a ruler) or a crop. Both of these will give you practice controlling a tool whose tip/face is past your hand. That will give you some practice hitting the right point. It can be trickier than it sounds.
    2) Practice on a pillow before you use an impact toy on your partner. Again, it's about learning to hit exactly what you're aiming at.
    3) Learn what parts of the body you can and can't hit. The short summary is to aim for the fleshy muscular parts of the body, such as the lower buttocks, thighs, upper arms, and pecs. Avoid joints and anything joint-like, such as the spine and neck, and avoid the lower back. Strike more carefully on the belly, unless the sub has strong abdominal muscles.
    4) Wrap-around is a significant problem with a flogger. The main blow might hit your target point, but the end of the tails can wrap around and strike something unintended. For example, a blow to the upper back can wrap around onto the shoulder or the neck, both of which are bad points to hit. Be aware of that as you practice.
  3. Div

    Div New Member

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    Id say try out everything you can on yourself first if possible. I recognize you can't really safely tie yourself up, but for impact you can try out everything on yourself. I got a flogger at one point almost never use it. I think I may have gotten a lame one or something, so I think for which specific one youll have to get advice from somebody else. Mine is just weak, you have to put a giant amount of force in relative to the sensation it causes. It's shorter and has a lot of smaller strands. So with that in mind I guess I would suggest longer/less strands. But I haven't tested. Bunch of different kinds.

    Main thing is to be sure you're safe at all times. Start a little slow, it's not too difficult to gauge where the sub is at as far as tolerance goes, but still be aware of it.

    I guess that's all I have to say. My main problems when starting out were talking about fantasies and whatnot, but if you guys are as open as you say it doesn't sound like that will be much of a problem
  4. RopeRanger

    RopeRanger Member

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    I agree with Div. I try everything out on myself first so that I know exactly what my sub is going through and can then gauge her pain levels.

    I'd recommend moving to a paddle as Sebastian suggests or something along the lines of a slapper or a short (under 12 inches) ridding crop with a wide leather tip. Anything that allows a whipping motion: whips, floggers, dragon tongues, canes and longer crops require practice to control.
  5. Barrowsin

    Barrowsin New Member

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    Hello again,

    I thank-you all for your kind reply's, myself and my partner are both reading these reply's and both posted the original post together, we are fully aware of all safty aspects and gauging of pain levels and practicing before we try anything.

    We have done a lot of reading about this and other forms of BDSM in general as we wanted to get the best idea of how to play safely while still enjoying it. However my point being - My question is advice on what flogger to use as beginners and it seems that we are only getting the general SSC messages.

    We both took on board the advice on the paddle first or wooden spoon etc, and we are certainly going to try this - already ordered a paddle online in fact, we still would love to know if anyone has any advice/tips/suggestions on what flogger to use as a beginner

    Thank-you for your time
  6. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Ok, well to get specific about floggers, here are a couple of things to consider:

    1) Singletail vs multitail: The flappy bits of a flogger are called the tails or falls. A singletail flogger is what we call a whip, while a 'flogger' per se has multiple tails or falls. A whip is much more challenging than a toy with multiple falls, so get an actual flogger. Only graduate up to a whip if you want to spend a LOT of time practicing and you feel you've already substantially mastered the flogger.
    2) Materials: Probably the biggest consideration in a flogger is what the falls are made of: leather, rubber, rope, sissel, and more. The weight, flexibility, and harshness of the falls will all affect what it feels like to be hit with the flogger. Also, impact pain comes in two basic types: thudding and stinging. Thudding pain is a dull pain, while stinging pain is sharper; stinging pain sometimes seems mild but then intensifies with a 'second wave' after a few seconds. Different subs react differently to the different types of pain; some like thudding pain but find stinging pain too intense, while others find stinging pain more interesting than thudding, or like both for different reasons. So ask your sub to think about what kind/s of pain she enjoys. For home experimentation, most paddles and hand spanking are more thudding than stinging, while spanking with a thin rod (like a cane) is generally more like stinging.
    Now what does this have to do with floggers? The material the falls are made out of affects whether the flogger produces stinging or thudding pain. Thin string-like falls (which move faster and concentrate the impact on a smaller surface area) produce stinging pain, while thicker, heavier falls produce more thudding sensations. From my limited experience, rubber falls are more stinging while leather is more thudding. There are also different kinds of leather: cow, deer, moose, buffalo, and so on. The type of hide affects things like how heavy the falls are, how supple they are, and so on. My flogger is moose hide, and my last slave was very happy with it. I can't speak real knowledgeably about the different qualities that hide type brings to a flogger--you might want to google the issue. My advice is to go with some type of leather fall, and leave other materials for later, unless you know you want stinging pain.
    3) Type of fall: Most falls are just strips of hide, but some falls have studs, balls, barbs, and so on, like the classic cat-o-nine-tails. The things embedded in the fall intensify the pain, and may break the skin. My advice is to consider such floggers more advanced. Go with plain falls.
    4) Try it out first: If you have access to a shop that sells floggers, try them out before you buy. (While roadside porn shops usually aren't good places to do this, a woman's sex shop often is. They are often much nicer places to shop, and you can examine the toys in a more friendly atmosphere. And many such stores carry at least some BDSM gear.) You probably can't disrobe and flog your sub right there, but you can pull up your sleeve and flog your arm to get a sense of what the falls feel like. Make sure you like the feel of the flogger in your hand. Swing the flogger and see if you like its weight and balance. A good flogger is balanced just below the point where the falls are connected to the handle. If the balance is off or the weight is too heavy, your arm will tire out much faster, which means a shorter flogging session.

    In general, I would be reluctant to purchase a flogger online. If you can't easily get to a shop or a BDSM conference where you can browse the merchandise and therefore have no option except to order online, I would avoid sites that carry all kinds of toys (like Adam & Eve or Things4Fun). I think the quality of the merchandise is likely to be highly variable, and some of it will be cheap and poorly-made. Focus your search on stores that specialize in hand-made leather goods. An artisan leather store doesn't guarantee high quality work (the artisan might not be very good), but I think your chances of getting a serious craftsman who takes real pride in his/her work are much higher, so you're more likely to get a durable, well-made toy. One place to start would be Mr S Leather, in San Francisco. They are one of the best, most reliable makers of kinky leather gear around, and I know they make floggers (though I've never used on of theirs). I can personally vouch for the quality of their work (I have a $375 pair of chaps they made, and not only do they feel amazing and are well-made, they look excellent--I get compliments on them regularly.)

    However, quality is expensive. A good leather-fall flogger will probably run between $75-200, depending on what hide is used, what wood is used on the handle and so on. Do NOT skimp on the quality of your sex toys. A cheap toy is likely to break during use, which can result in an injured sub. Given a choice between a cheaper, mass-manufactured toy and a more expensive hand-made one that challenges your budget, go for the more expensive toy and save up for it.
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2012
  7. RopeRanger

    RopeRanger Member

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    One of the problems with recommending a specific flogger is that they are all different. 15 inch, thin, suede falls in a narrow diameter bundle will feel completely different that a flogger made from the same materials that is twice the diameter. Smooth side out feels different than suede side out. Longer falls snap and shorter "thud." Your best bet is to try out a few in the store.

    Quality floggers will be a single piece of leather that with the falls cut into strips, but connected solidly at the handle end. The solid end is then rolled around the handle. On cheaper floggers the falls are individual strips glued or knotted to the handle and then wrapped with leather to hide the glue job. When you’re in the shop and pick it up;if it feels cheap it won’t last. Stay away from the junk you’d find in the novelty shops.

    Another subjective consideration is material. Do you like leather or would you like something more exotic like horsehair for the falls? I made one of my floggers from a hank of rope coiled around my arm. Rather than wrap it in the middle, I wrapped the tag end of the rope around one end of the coil to create a handle and since I like rope it fits my style.

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