BDSM vs. Making Love

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by RS1981, Jan 16, 2011.

  1. RS1981

    RS1981 Member

    For those of you in a D/s relationship, what percentage of your sex life involves normal sex or love making vs. BDSM? I know I enjoy the benefits of both. I actually found an interesting analogy online a few minutes ago, it said BDSM is the Ferrari and "regular" sex is the Volvo, and that most BDSM types ride the Volvo for normal pleasure but when they want their world rocked they take the Ferrari, but you just can't ride the Ferrari all the time. So, how often does everyone ride the Ferrari? lol
     
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  2. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    I would 100% BDSM

    "Making love" is slow and boring, I bought that ferrari because I want to drive it!!
     
  3. RS1981

    RS1981 Member

    I guess I'm a part timer lol... I like more or less 50/50... The discipline and basics of a D/s relationship are still 24/7 though. But when I say making love, I don't always mean the slow stuff, I don't like that too much either. I'm just talking about passion without the whips and chains :p
     
    Last edited: Jan 17, 2011
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  4. master jey

    master jey Moderator

    sex is for making children :D
    I drive Ferrari
     
  5. RS1981

    RS1981 Member

    Hmm... I'm suddenly feeling like I don't belong here now... Do part timers exist or am I one of a kind? lol
     
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  6. master jey

    master jey Moderator

    Yes part timers exist not everyone is 24/7
     
  7. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

    I was going to say 80/20 or even 90/10, but then I thought about it. While BDSM is what I think of when I think of sex, the fact is that non-kinky sex is included a lot more than I first thought.... but it doesn't have to be one or the other.

    I've been at this for a long time, but maybe I'm just not so hard core as many here.

    My relationships have always started vanilla with dominant trends in sex starting early in the process. Even before that, I'd tease about her looking like a damsel or princess and how good she would look tied to a train track by some villain, or I'd tease her about being bad and needing a spanking. That's my weeding out process. They may not last long if that doesn't go as I expect.

    If the relationship is informal, it tends to be much more heavy on the BDSM side, but with an intimate partner it's different.

    With a sub/partner the two types morph a little. It could be regular at first, then it turns into kink, I could also hook her by the collar to a high place immediately, and strip her while I flog and spank her, force orgasms out of her mixed with pain play, then secure her to a chair or table for more of the same. After that we might still have regular (non tied) sex to end the session.

    When it's like that, it's almost like aftercare. It's a lot more personal.

    It could also be sex with no equipment, yet the mindset is there. No one is saying that you can't be kind, loving, and sensual with your slave.

    Dominance and submission is much more in the relationship than in the ropes.

    No RS, you're not alone. It's not odd to enjoy your sub/partner in as many ways as possible, and I'm sure you're both happy like that.

    If you're here, it's because you belong here, just like the rest of us.
     
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  8. RS1981

    RS1981 Member

    Very good answer L8, that's exactly my point of view. My pet and I are in a discipline relationship for the most part, the main focus is on her behavior and correcting or rewarding it. Also I could add that the main reason I chose to call her pet in the first place is actually not necessarily related to our fetish, it just happens to fit in. Although I realize it's not meant this way, I find "slave" a bit too rough sounding. Using the word "sub" just seems a little bland. Pet is more personal and loving to me.
     
  9. drkangl87

    drkangl87 New Member

    I'm like you RS, i like the Ferrari at times but there are times where i just want to drive the Volvo for awhile.
     
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  10. Nuka

    Nuka Member

    For us nearly everytime is making love, even in BDSM ways of doing it. I guess it depends on your mentality in the situation as aposed to the actual action...
     
  11. RS1981

    RS1981 Member

    Yeah that's a good point too Nuk, I look at BDSM (The sexual part anyway.) as kink from my perspective... Not that kink is a bad thing of course. :D
     
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2011
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  12. Nuka

    Nuka Member

    Oh no of course not, we just see our kinks as still making love
     
  13. domafilms

    domafilms New Member

    bdsm is making love :D
     
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  14. Areus

    Areus New Member

    I don't really draw the distinction you seem to on this one. Possibly because my relationship is 24/7 M/s, I guess, but to me everything we do is permeated equally by love and kink. My slave is ALWAYS mine, though we do pass for Vanilla in public to the uninitiated. The two are entirely inextricable for me, I guess is what I'm saying.

    With casual partners, though, I'd say it's probably 70/30 BDSM/vanilla, depending on your definition. I very rarely break out actual toys with random players, but I tend to give orders and hold them down if they're into it, and I always do things like biting and hair-pulling, though that's stuff that isn't especially kinky even by 'normal' standards. It's kind of a blurry line, I suppose.
     
  15. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

    Agreed. With a partner that's into it with you, where does one start and the other end?

    This was a good thread RS.
     

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