BDSM: 24/7 or for the bedroom only?

Sado_Dom · May 8, 2010

I'm new to the whole BDSM thing (I have no experience with it) but I want to go 24/7 with it if I find that right someone. I wanted to see how far you all go with it in your lives. Do you live it out 24/7 as a lifestyle, or is it something you leave to the bedroom only?

If you live BDSM 24/7 how do you and your partner handle it when out in public? What sort of protocol do you use. How do you act around friends and family? Stuff like that, feel free to share whatever you like

Psyclapse · May 8, 2010

My wife and I are involved in a 24/7 BDSM relationship. It's a regular monogamous marriage with kinky slavery on top. Making BDSM a permanent, daily aspect of my life is something I've always wanted. I couldn't settle for less, but I'm fortunate to have a wife who agrees. Even so, it takes time and perseverance to find a method that works. We've given up on the idea a few times before.

Personally, I wouldn't want to be in a 24/7 D/s relationship with someone who wasn't marriage material, but that's just me. Submissive wives turn me on. As long as the Master knows what he wants, the slave wants to submit, and you can handle the rough days when BDSM seems like a huge chore, it can work.

Nobody among our friends or family knows that my wife is my collared sex slave, though they can definitely tell she's submissive to me in public. They think it's a little weird, but it's not set off any alarm bells because they can see she's very content.

I am slowly training my wife to be a slave in public. It's difficult as she works and has to maintain a professional persona. She doesn't call me Master when others can hear but she will dress as I demand in public. I might force her to wear a butt plug or corset under her clothes, but no one would ever know.

Our vanilla relationship is the foundation. We experiment on top of that.

Sparrow69 · May 8, 2010

Many here enjoy daily bdsm activities and quite a few live a 24/7 D/s lifestyle. My wife and I are both Dominant and we share several submissives and slaves, where as slaves live with us and have surrendered all control of their own free will, and subs live their own lives and retain some control over certain aspects. Is our path right for us, yes; is it right for someone else, probably not. Every person is different and as such will enjoy different things, which is why we say that communication is absolutely fundamental to any relationship, especially a D/s one. You'll find the more your able to communicate, the stronger the relationship and bond will be, as it helps to build trust.

I suggest reading and looking through older posts, many contain extremely useful advice on a broad range of topics that will come in handy as your journey progresses, and Im sure your find our little community here extremely beneficial. Welcome to the site.

Obedient Little Puppy · May 8, 2010

My master and I only get to meet at weekends, so 24/7 BDSM would be impractical. In the past I have imagined what it would be like to be a 24/7 slave, but now I know that I could never handle it. To give up all control, and all rights, to someone else would just be too much. I suffer with mental health issues, and feel that 24/7 slavery would eventually cause me some emotional damage.

By the way, I'm not trying to imply that having mental health issues makes someone unfit to be 24/7. For all I know, there could be many 24/7 slaves with such issues. That's just how I feel with regards to myself.

I'm also curious, those of you with 24/7 slaves...do you let your slaves off their duties on occasions like their birthday, Xmas etc., or is it just business as usual? And I know that this is an awful way to think, but what if, say, there was an accident, ie, the house caught fire? If the slave unthinkingly leapt into action to do whatever they could to help, without being ordered to, would you then consider them your equal, working together to prevent disaster? I hope I made sense with that last bit, and that I haven't caused anyone any offence

Mistress_Andrea · May 8, 2010

Obedient Little Puppy said:
I'm also curious, those of you with 24/7 slaves...do you let your slaves off their duties on occasions like their birthday, Xmas etc., or is it just business as usual? And I know that this is an awful way to think, but what if, say, there was an accident, ie, the house caught fire? If the slave unthinkingly leapt into action to do whatever they could to help, without being ordered to, would you then consider them your equal, working together to prevent disaster? I hope I made sense with that last bit, and that I haven't caused anyone any offence

On Birthday's, Christmas, etc.. I still expect my slave to know his place, but there isn't much more that I demand on those days. Events like those are VERY important to me and to our Children (who should always be able to celebrate Daddy's birthday no matter what and should always have their Daddy be 100% involved in Christmas). As for if the house catches fire, or there's an intruder or something.. he's expected to protect his family as anyone would.. which consequently a few days ago, my daughter and I had a rather creepy run in with a couple men in a van who had pulled up beside my car and followed me when I wouldn't give them my number or address. Well I told my slave about it and about 3:30 in the morning we heard a door close toward the back of the house. The kids were all asleep.. no noise coming from their monitors so my slave jumped out of bed (he sleeps naked and with wrist cuffs normally not chained together but locked around his wrists) ready to do battle with whoever was coming in the house and I went to the kids. Our family and the safety of our family comes before anything.. he's a smart man and doesn't need direction given to him for everything.. I trust him with my life and with my children's life.. in moments like that I don't think anybody views the other as anything other than someone they love and need to protect.. and then.. life goes back to normal.

sillylittlepet · May 8, 2010

My master and I aren't 24/7, but I'm expected to call him "master" or "sir" when we're alone. He always referrers to me as "pet". We don't use each others real names very often when we're alone. We usually only call each other by our real names when we're talking about something serious. Since I'm always calling him master, I feel like using his real name has a special meaning now.
In public we act like any other couple, unless we're doing public play hehehe!

I've considered 24/7 BDSM, but it would be really difficult for me. First off because we're apart 8 months out of the year, and second because I'm really independent. I don't know if I could handle it! Even my master hasn't seriously considered 24/7, I think its too much for him right now too.
A lot of the non-sexual activities of bdsm don't really interest my master. He doesn't want me to write essays or letters or to say mantras or be lectured or anything like that. I would like to make it more a part of my daily life, but we haven't found the right stuff yet.

@Andrea: what a cute story! Your slave seems wonderful!

Sado_Dom · May 9, 2010

Thank you Sparrow.

It's great to see how other people choose to carry out their lives concerning BSDM.

Psyclapse that's the kind of relationship I think I'm after. I would want for my slave to be someone I can marry and spend the rest of my life with.

Obedient Little Puppy said:
I'm also curious, those of you with 24/7 slaves...do you let your slaves off their duties on occasions like their birthday, Xmas etc., or is it just business as usual? And I know that this is an awful way to think, but what if, say, there was an accident, ie, the house caught fire? If the slave unthinkingly leapt into action to do whatever they could to help, without being ordered to, would you then consider them your equal, working together to prevent disaster? I hope I made sense with that last bit, and that I haven't caused anyone any offence

Personally I believe that the slave should help even without commands. I think the situation, if dangerous enough, should override protocol. But this is how I view everything: the situation determines everything.

SLP I hope you and your master are able to find 'the right stuff.' For me, making my would-be slave write essays and lecturing her would be part of the fun as punishment and training. I never thought I would be into the whole training aspect as much as I am now, but I do want to go 24/7 which makes training an integral part of it.

sillylittlepet · May 9, 2010

that's part of the reason I joined this forum, so I learn about new ways my master and I could play and further our relationship!

Sado_Dom · May 9, 2010

I mainly joined for my friend and ended up getting into the forum more than I intended

Sparrow69 · May 9, 2010

Obedient Little Puppy said:
I'm also curious, those of you with 24/7 slaves...do you let your slaves off their duties on occasions like their birthday, Xmas etc., or is it just business as usual? And I know that this is an awful way to think, but what if, say, there was an accident, ie, the house caught fire? If the slave unthinkingly leapt into action to do whatever they could to help, without being ordered to, would you then consider them your equal, working together to prevent disaster? I hope I made sense with that last bit, and that I haven't caused anyone any offence

Simply put, our home is also their home, and if they wish to keep it, well they need to help defend it. A proper slave should know their place, and if they know their master well enough, then they will know how to respond in such a situation. Personally, in the situation that you describe, if a slave chose not to respond to the flame sin our home because they were not ordered to, then they put us all at risk are are not worthy of being called a member of our family.

As for the holiday issue, no they do not have off, although we are a little more lenient if they fall short on their duties. The wonderful part of taking our time with these people is that by the time they decide to surrender all decisions and become 24/7, they've been with us quite some time, and have already become an ingrained fixture of our family. they know us very well as we know them very well. A lot of things go unspoken, just as a housewife knows she needs to do certain things to maintain a home, a 24/7 slave knows they have certain duties they need to do to maintain a home.

BDSM: 24/7 or for the bedroom only?

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