Attraction

Mozzy · Jun 26, 2012

Do you think it's important for a sub to be physically attracted to her Dom?

sebastian · Jun 26, 2012

Well lack of physical attraction can make sex and submission more difficult, but I don't think it's an absolute requirement. I know one sub who is very into the idea of being forced to serve fat ugly old guys, because he would find it really humiliating to do so.

Why do you ask?

Mozzy · Jun 26, 2012

I ask because I am having a hard time fully submitting to my new dom

sebastian · Jun 26, 2012

And you feel it's because you're not physically attracted to him? Keep in mind that submission needs to be a pleasurable experience on some level. It can be about the pure physical attraction, it can be about the pleasures of subbing for bondage or pain play, it can be about the paradoxical pleasures of humiliation and verbal abuse, or it can be about the pleasure of giving someone else pleasure and service. But it's got to be pleasurable for you. If it's not, stop and reassess the situation.

Some subs don't need to be physically attracted to their doms, but perhaps you do. There's nothing wrong with that. In fact, I suspect it's pretty typical.

But perhaps physical attraction isn't the issue. Trust is also incredibly important to submission. Perhaps you don't trust him to keep you safe. Or perhaps you're afraid of getting too submissive, of giving up control to someone else. Or maybe he's demanding too much too quickly. What do you think?

Mozzy · Jun 26, 2012

Yes, I think it has a great deal to do with my attraction to him.
But I suppose the other part of it is, I can't truly believe he finds me attractive. I'm NOTHING like his previous subs.

MistressMaria86 · Jun 26, 2012

Interesting one - I was a female dom to a guy who wasnt physically attracted to me but who had agreed to 'help me out' in all matters sexual (long boring story) and the D/s stuff I guess was his way of dealing with it - ie he got what he wanted out of it in terms of he was being dominated even though he wasn attracted to the person being the Domme. I'm not really sure how I felt about him - I almost didnt consider it an issue being that he was offering to do something I thought no one ever would.

I worried about him actually getting hard etc but as he was only 24 (and I 31) I guess it wouldnt really matter who was doing the pulling etc lol.

Mozzy · Jun 26, 2012

Thank you for your insight Mistress

sebastian · Jun 26, 2012

It sounds like the real issue is that you're worried about his attraction to you, not your attraction to him. If you're worried that he might drop you, it's definitely hard to let yourself be vulnerable in a real way.

Mozzy · Jun 26, 2012

sebastian said:
It sounds like the real issue is that you're worried about his attraction to you, not your attraction to him. If you're worried that he might drop you, it's definitely hard to let yourself be vulnerable in a real way.

You may be right....

sebastian · Jun 26, 2012

The way to address this is to talk to him. Explain your fears honestly and openly and see what he says.

Attraction

Mozzy

New Member

sebastian

Active Member

Mozzy

New Member

sebastian

Active Member

Mozzy

New Member

MistressMaria86

Member

Mozzy

New Member

sebastian

Active Member

Mozzy

New Member

sebastian

Active Member

Similar threads