Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Mozzy, Jun 26, 2012.
Do you think it's important for a sub to be physically attracted to her Dom?
Well lack of physical attraction can make sex and submission more difficult, but I don't think it's an absolute requirement. I know one sub who is very into the idea of being forced to serve fat ugly old guys, because he would find it really humiliating to do so.
Why do you ask?
I ask because I am having a hard time fully submitting to my new dom
And you feel it's because you're not physically attracted to him? Keep in mind that submission needs to be a pleasurable experience on some level. It can be about the pure physical attraction, it can be about the pleasures of subbing for bondage or pain play, it can be about the paradoxical pleasures of humiliation and verbal abuse, or it can be about the pleasure of giving someone else pleasure and service. But it's got to be pleasurable for you. If it's not, stop and reassess the situation.
Some subs don't need to be physically attracted to their doms, but perhaps you do. There's nothing wrong with that. In fact, I suspect it's pretty typical.
But perhaps physical attraction isn't the issue. Trust is also incredibly important to submission. Perhaps you don't trust him to keep you safe. Or perhaps you're afraid of getting too submissive, of giving up control to someone else. Or maybe he's demanding too much too quickly. What do you think?
Yes, I think it has a great deal to do with my attraction to him.
But I suppose the other part of it is, I can't truly believe he finds me attractive. I'm NOTHING like his previous subs.
Interesting one - I was a female dom to a guy who wasnt physically attracted to me but who had agreed to 'help me out' in all matters sexual (long boring story) and the D/s stuff I guess was his way of dealing with it - ie he got what he wanted out of it in terms of he was being dominated even though he wasn attracted to the person being the Domme. I'm not really sure how I felt about him - I almost didnt consider it an issue being that he was offering to do something I thought no one ever would.
I worried about him actually getting hard etc but as he was only 24 (and I 31) I guess it wouldnt really matter who was doing the pulling etc lol.
Thank you for your insight Mistress
It sounds like the real issue is that you're worried about his attraction to you, not your attraction to him. If you're worried that he might drop you, it's definitely hard to let yourself be vulnerable in a real way.
You may be right....
The way to address this is to talk to him. Explain your fears honestly and openly and see what he says.
Thank you Sebastian.
Well, personally, I am pretty new to figuring out or catching on that I have a domination fantasy...
It has grown in strength only over the past few years when I had therapy and discovered I have always resented submissive girls and worshipped dominant women.
I have wanted to have sex with most female bosses, despite the fact if they were not my boss I would have no attraction, female school teachers the same.
I actually had a female boss I despised and found unattractive and we would argue a lot, yet sometimes after she had a few afternoon drinks in a bar, she would return to the office tipsy/horny and 'touch me up' a bit-
you know, 'brushing past me' (i.e. rubbing her titties on my chest) or groping my ass discreetly. She would cover it by seeming to merely rest her hand on my lower back in a friendly, supportive manner for a good report or something, but her 'busy hands' would find their way to my ass.
I would go red, be all embarassed, and make my excuses to get away from her.
I never mentioned it to anyone, not even her.
It was a strange mix of emotions, I felt humiliated and shocked that she thought she could just treat me like that, yet excited and thrilled at the suspense of it happening again.
Also a girl I knew once started whipping me with a loose electric plug on a cord,
because I wouldn't get out of bed, and it hurt, yet I got the biggest throbbing erection ever, despite no attraction to her.
I would have to be physically attracted to a Dom, especially a female one. In a man a dominant personality helps to make someone more attractive to me.
I prefer men to be 35-50ish but must be clean, in good shape and confident.
I would not want to submit to a person I do not find attractive.
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