Any advice for newbie?

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by brisbane_girl, Apr 24, 2009.

  1. brisbane_girl

    brisbane_girl New Member

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    Hi, I keep having fantasies of being spanked,dominated by a man,being someone's slave, being forced to do whatever they want. I have never done anything like this before. I don't have a partner at present.
    I'm not sure where to start - getting desperate for this! Any advice would be great.
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  2. purger67

    purger67 New Member

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    Hi there Im new to this but only diff is I love to be dom. as I said new to this I m willing to learn so maybe we can grow 2get er...
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  3. ReallyGreen

    ReallyGreen Member

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    Well, its nice to find a new person who actually knows when to ask for help. There is no shame in being a virgin :)

    Where to start?

    - Does your fantasy of BDSM reflect real life? If your 'best case scenario' has you reliving an Anne Rice novel or The Story of O, you're probably going to be disappointed in the real thing. Look for amateur D/s and BDSM porn on the web and get an idea for how people really do this. Don't expect everyday to look like the Folsom Street Faire.

    - The most important part of BDSM, whether you're a dom or a sub is finding good partners (or playmates). The most experienced dom in the world isn't going to do you any good if you can't stand being around them. And people who are terrible at a specific skill or activity can always get better, but an asshole is always going to be an asshole.

    - Find local players in 'the scene'. Most major cities have informal BDSM clubs, spend thirty minutes with a search engine and you can probably find the websites for every swingers group and public dungeon in 200 miles. Once you've found area players find-out if they have scheduled casual meet-&-greets called MUNCHES (a munch is usually held at a restaurant... where you 'munch' on stuff between small-talk). Alternately if the local BDSM scene is primarily web-based you can get a general feel for most of the local heavies (members who post often online and organize or attend most events) and probably get an invite to a fetish house-party.

    - If you simply cannot find local players or clubs use a social network website. I, and many others, have met some wonderful partners in the 'casual encounters' listings of Craigslist (most cities have a Craigslist listing).

    - Now that you know the other players, mingle and get to know people. Put names to faces and ask questions: How long have you been at it, where did you get started, what are you three favorite activities, etc. Once you've introduced yourself its pretty easy to find-out who's been with who, which guys just talk out their ass, which subs leave 50 text messages a day to their dom, who has the best collection of tattoos, who actually has dungeon furniture in their living room, which players have kids and can only play during school hours etc. As you attend social functions regularly you'll keep tabs on who's with who and what particular kink everybody has. Which dom is better at this and which is better at that.

    - What sort of relationship do you want? The sad truth is that most Dom(mes) will not have you picked-up at the airport with an S-class Mercedes and whisk you away to their chateau in a lovely mountain village. In reality people work jobs. Some people work 60+ hours a week and can only play on sundays, some people play after work on tuesdays. Probably most people in the scene are married or romantically involved with someone else already. My usual advice is to start casually, and then get involved romantically after you've spent time together (if a casual relationship isn't working for you), trying to establish a dedicated monogamous relationship is only going to make it worse if your new master's style of domination just doesn't turn you on and you feel bad about leaving because you're 'together' for no good reason.

    I was going to talk more about what to expect at a munch or fetish house-party, but thats really best for its own thread. Which I promise I will write when I'm done with work. :)

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