Another noob

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by steve845, Jun 13, 2010.

  1. steve845

    steve845 New Member

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    I'm a new dom, only been doing this a couple weeks. Me and my wife were talking and we found out that each of us have been wanting to do this for a while, but we were too afraid of the others reaction. We have 2 kids so this we keep this well hidden, and it isn't a 24/7 thing. She is a very head strong, no bullshit woman, and everything we do is mutually decided. She loves trying to see how far she can push me, and I'll admit it has been pretty far. I'm still getting used to the idea of punishment, but I'm having a hard time carrying it out. I was wondering if anybody has had similar problems? I think I am just going to have to bend her over a chair and get the paddle out. I've read through a lot of the posts here and love some of the punishments mentioned.
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  2. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

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    you're having a hard time punishing your wife?

    my advice: get over it

    Dont let her push you around, you're a dom now. Break out the fucking bondage tape and have at her
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  3. Sate_Sprie

    Sate_Sprie Member

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    I think everyone probably has had that problem. I'm a slave, so I can only give you my advice from that standpoint. I remember being that way too. I'm very very stubborn, opinionated and at times down right bitchy, but I'm not anymore. Master broke me. It took time, but he did. Want to know how? He blistered my fucking ass. Period. That stopped that. So, seriously, take Silly's advice and buck up a little. Remember, you're a man, she's not. Men have remarkable power over women that they really don't realize they have sometimes. Get some confidence and the next time she misbehaves, immediately take her to the bed room and blister her. She'll stop that shit pretty fast. Promise. After all, she's to worship you, not try to belittle you. That's your job, right?
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  4. dariche_sprie

    dariche_sprie New Member

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  5. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Let me mention a distinction that might help you think about things. Some d/sers make a distinction between training or discipline on the one hand and punishment on the other. Training/discipline is activity intended to help the sub become more submissive and more accustomed to control and the dom's sexual preferences. Let's say you like bondage. You might start training her to enjoy bondage by blindfolding her with a scarf, with the intention to eventually get her into extreme sensory deprivation.

    Punishment, on the other hand, is activity intended to punish the sub for being disobedient. Let's say you order her to give you a blowjob and she refuses. Punishment is designed to teach her that being disobedient leads to unpleasant consequences.

    The reason I mention this is that, if you choose to make a distinction here, training/discipline is generally pleasant, arousing, or something that the sub finds desirable. Punishment, on the other hand, needs to be unpleasant or something the sub finds undesirable. So if she enjoys being spanked, don't punish her with spanking--it will only encourage her bad behavior. But spanking would be good for training, because it is a reward.
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  6. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

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    Workshop - a mutually conceived session set up to experiment with each other. During this time you can mention something you want to do, find out how you each feel about it, then try it in varying degrees to see how it feels, and to discover what tolerances you each have.

    For me - we go out (or stay in) for a drink and talk about the things we have in our heads, or something that happened in a previous scene. We set up a time that we can act out and try to expound on, and expand, our discussions.

    It works out pretty well. Sometimes the workshop turns into a scene of it's own when something we try really works well. But the workshop is a learning experience
    Both the planning meeting and the workshop foster a lot of communication, and allows us to push limits safely with a better understanding of your common ground.

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