Aftercare

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Obedient Little Puppy, Mar 21, 2009.

  1. After a BDSM session, especially if it's been a particularly heavy one, I think it's very important to have some degree of aftercare, and I was just wondering if anyone else here agrees.

    My master has always made a point of cwtching (cuddling) me up close after our games have ended. I am often reduced to tears by what he does to me, whether that be physical pain or psychological torment. In my emotional state, I need to feel valued, and to know that I have pleased my master.

    Last night, for the first time, I asked him if he would rub some lotion into my smarting back and arse cheeks following a particularly intense flogging. He was only too happy to comply, and lying naked on the bed as he worked on me was really lovely, and showed a real sense of caring. And it was something that I enjoyed as much as the punishment itself.

    We also like to spend a bit of time afterwards talking about what we have just experienced together, revealing what we liked the most, and how we felt while the session was taking place. I will sometimes feel the need to admit to enjoying an activity that shamed me greatly to perform, which is just a delicious furthering of my humiliation.

    I know this probably sounds really soppy, but it's something important to me, and I'm curious to know if anyone else here feels the same way.
     
  2. filfy

    filfy Member

    i agree about aftercare. today my Domme and i were havin a bit of a cuddle in bed. it turned rapidly into more. she scratched and bit my back and shoulders until i was red raw and bloody. we had sex and as a reward for makin her cum, i recieved my first flogging. it got to the point were even the slightest touch fromt he flogger would make me writhe in agony. i had to ask her to stop. after this, i couldn't move, i had been completely drained of all my strength. without my askin, my Domme stayed at my side until i had recovered enough to move, reassuring me with words and kisses. She cleaned my back of any blood and She got me and drink and a ciggy and kept askin if i was okay.
    This is the first time i've ever needed aftercare, and i do see it as needed, i probz would of been in a right state if She had just walked off and left me on the bed. i spose t just nice to know that you're cared for, after any type of play
     
  3. Leilani

    Leilani New Member

    Aww, that doesn't sound overly soppy at all, just sweet! I have to admit I'm still very young and inexperienced with the more hardcore stuff, so I don't exactly know what an intense flogging would feel like, but whenever I imagine submitting myself to somebody so completely, it sort of goes without saying that they would have to go full circle. If they help harm me, they have to help make me all better again afterwards. The few times my boyfriend's been a little more rough than usual with me, he's cuddled and soothed me more than usual afterwards too, and I wouldn't have it any other way!
     
  4. Prissy

    Prissy Member

    I wish I could get some aftercare. But he doesn't do anything that requires it.
     
  5. Aww :(

    To me, it doesn't matter how heavy the session is. Sometimes I will cry simply as a result of wordplay. But my master has always given me aftercare, without me even needing to ask. He said he is my friend first and my master second, and I think having such a good, close friendship helps us feel even closer still, following our games.

    He has admitted on many occasions that he loves to see me cry during games, loves to make me cry. And I do like this, like baring myself in this way, despite the intense humiliation this brings about. So to know that this treatment will end in lots of cuddles, and soothing words, makes it a truly beautiful experience.
     
  6. My Master does the same with me. He has never flogged me until I couldn't take it (he doesn't usually cause me much pain, he likes to humiliate me more), but on several occasions he leaves me in emotional turmoil. He is very good about holding me, stroking me and telling me that he loves an cherishes me when I need it. Sometimes in the middle of sex, after I have had a couple orgasms the last one being the most intense, I will have to stop because any touching is sensory overload. He calmly waits for me to pull myself together and then, when I am ready, he will hold me and comfort me until I am ready to continue.

    If I ever have a slave of my own I look forward to breaking them on a fairly regular basis so that we may grow closer together and aftercare is really the glue that cements the bond, for me at least.
     
  7. Prissy

    Prissy Member

    I feel sad, after all I want some aftercare too. In fact the other day I was forced to go to bed early, and he never said anything to me about it. You see, I was asked to clean the kitty box, and I had refused because I was feeling sick. He took no sympathy, and gave me an early night.
     
  8. Phantasm

    Phantasm Member

    Aftercare is VITAL. You cannot strip another person down to a state so raw, and leave it like that. Whether that person is a cuddleslut or not, aftercare is a MUST.

    If you break it, you must fix it.
     
  9. Phanty, that's a really nice way of putting it.
     
  10. Phantasm

    Phantasm Member

    It's completely true. Even if it wasn't so much in my nature to look some people like that, I would still say the exact same thing.
     
  11. Ms.sub13

    Ms.sub13 Member

    After my master punishes me for doing something wrong he lets me cuddle up next to him in bed and he lightly pets me. While petting me he kisses my forehead and tells me how good of a slave I am and that if I listen better I won't have such sever punishments. My master and I have gotten so close we actually got married. After each session he makes sure I am ok and usually lets me take a nap to feel better and after I wake up I go and sit on his lap and kiss him. I think each slave should feel that closeness and comfort by someone they give complete control to. There is always that part of a slave that needs to feel love and compassion. It is human nature
     
  12. Nyx

    Nyx Member

    I love being petted and cuddled and gently scratched after a punishment or performing a task I find particularly unpleasant.
    After care is really important. I have yet to get to the point where I have cried (although my top and I are testing some limits next weekend so I probably will) but if I do, I know that the aftercare will be even more essential. My top has promised to pay special attention to me after.
     
  13. That's good to hear :)

    Tonight's play session wasn't too heavy; there was a bit of physical fighting and spanking, but no flogging or anything. The last part was really gentle, and afterwards my master wrapped me up in my duvet and snuggled up beside me. The interesting thing was, my hands were still tightly tied to the bed, but I was really happy to stay like that :confused: :)
     
  14. Sparrow69

    Sparrow69 Moderator

    This is the exact reason why I feel that internet D/s and long term bdsm relationships never work. To me, aftercare (as you put it) is all aboout the basic human need to connect with another human being after, wheither it be emotionally or physically traumatical. I think Phantasm hit the nail directly on the head on this one. Fixing something emotionally, by showing care for it after abusing and breaking it, is exactly what creates those bonds we all crave in this lifestyle.... coincidentally, its also how Stockholm Syndrome and Battered Spouse Syndrome occur in those relationships as well. How many battered women do you hear say, "but he's so loving afterwards... he just gets mad sometimes but afterwards he always lets me know how sorry he is and does something super special for me..."
     
  15. I can sort of see your point, Sparrow, but at the same time (and please correct me if my assumption is wrong) it sounds as though you are implying that the rest of us are in some way stupid or weak for wanting to use aftercare :(
     

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