Advice needed

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by AZF93, Feb 28, 2012.

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  1. AZF93

    AZF93 New Member

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    Hello everyone, I'm new here on the forum.

    Throughout my teenage years, I have been constantly experimenting with self bondage and other S/M fetishes as my sole source of sexual pleasure. However the problem starts as I am not turned on by anything other than BDSM, therefore I am completely uninterested in having a normal sexual relationship with anyone, male or female, and have never had one as such.

    I've never spoken of my sexual orientation to anyone in my life, ever, so it remains a deeply personal issue which I've never shared, pretty much until right now. I'd very much like to leave self bondage behind and practice with a partner, but as a fairly young, very shy and completely inexperienced male sub I'm very nervous about meeting up with someone random and effectively putting my life in their hands, if you understand where I'm coming from.

    Please could I get some advice on how to get started with partner BDSM, as I'm really nervous about starting it but at the same time I'm very tired of self bondage and would really like take it to the next level.

    Many thanks
  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Bondage isn't a sexual orientation the way that gayness is--it's not genetic. But for many of us it's deeply engrained in us, and vanilla relationships aren't satisfying. If you've realized that some form of power exchange is important for your satisfaction, explain that to a potential partner after you start dating but before you play. That's going to drive off some partners, but it's better to rule them out before you get too invested (and before they get too invested).

    Put ads up on the kinky dating sites--Fetlife (not exactly a dating site, but close), (if you want to spend the money for all the little fees), and so on.

    Find your local munch and start attending to meet people. Ask them to introduce you to a potential dom or sub (whichever you're seeking).

    Larger cities have bars that cater to the BDSM crowd, and smaller cities often have bars that host a Fetish Night, a Leather and Lace, etc. So go to those, dressed in a way that shows you're interested. Goths are often more receptive to BDSM so think about exploring that subcultural.

    If you think you're not heterosexual, consider exploring that. Gay men (and I believe lesbians as well, though I can't speak from experience) tend to be more accepting of BDSM than straights do (not all gay men and women are kinky, but they're more likely to have run into kink or find it tolerable in their friends).
  3. decoyicus

    decoyicus Member

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    My advice would be to shop around, go around the various fetish sites do some reading and see what you're into. Try meeting some other people in the kink community not as partners just as friends and if you meet someone you would like to see IRL, go slow get a real good feel for who that person is and if they are serious.
  4. MaxPayne

    MaxPayne New Member

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    Personally, I'll suggest that you register on it is proper FemDom website with possibility to have online mistress. People on the site are great and will answer all your questions or guide you if you need.
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