A frustrating munch

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Smallest, Sep 21, 2012.

  1. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    So, Tall and I went to our first munch of the new local group (the old one shut down as the leaders or whatever are leaving, and a new group was formed by the old members; don't ask me to explain why this makes more sense than passing the group on). The facilitator deemed it 'Hot Topic' night, meaning that something much discussed online was to be discussed.

    The topic was this thread here, which was sparked by another thread, linked there. For those who don't have fetlife, here's the quotes of the starters (but it will really help if you see the original conversation. If you have a fetlife account and read there, skip to the bottom of the quote boxes.

    Which came from:

    So, public consent was brought up and played with, and it was deemed a problem, though no one could really agree on whether the problem was:

    -The public should have no problem, just like how no one should have a problem with LGBTQS etc.
    -We should put a sign outside the bar (and whether this would be enough)
    -It's horrible to expose random people to our kinks

    Obviously we sided on the last, and also that a sign outside the bar would possibly drive away business (although the bartender seemed all for it, in the background). Munches used to be (years ago, I understand) somewhere private, so when this started they were not dealing with that problem, as an aside.

    There were a LOT of stupid points. That 'it's a gay bar, so no one who is comfortable coming here should be uncomfortable with BDSM anyway' was one of them. It was terribly frustrating.

    Then stories of spankings being abused came up. People who felt peer pressured into it, people who said 'gentle' or 'no' to a certain spanker (not their dom/me) and got spanked anyway, etc. This is where it got horrible.

    A certain older man started on a tirade, after one person's story about the way he was violated, about how 'if you're not mature enough you shouldn't be coming' and that people should 'understand the risks' of going up for their birthday spankings. The person who this was in response to had firmly said 'No. Not at all.' in response to the spanker asking whether he should be gentle or hard, and repeated himself when the man was surprised. (The man who spanked the boy is no longer at munches, and though no one pressed anything, the boy had him disallowed from events, I understand).

    This same man went on blaming the victims for the whole meeting, and going on about how he was right because he had been into BDSM back when you'd get arrested or lose your kids for it and blah blah blah, and this also included the statement 'I was gay once, [back when you'd be persecuted for it].' He didn't like spankings at munches because they're dumb and boring, but still he went on. He would then add a random agreement to someone saying that if someone was assaulted as that boy had been, there should be legal action, or something else that completely contradicted him. The kid he'd responded to almost ran out, but someone went after him and brought him back, when the discussion had calmed down.

    The TNG part of the group were nice for the most part, but a disturbing amount of the older generation (at least 2-3 people confirmed, maybe (probably) more) seemed to agree with the mouthy guy. It was really disturbing, and it's making me not want to attend munches (though we will, to meet people and network with everyone but him).

    By the way, the conclusion was that spankings would NOT be brought back as part of munches. A lot of people agreed that munches no longer feel like a safe space with spankings, since they're shy (or if they're not, they don't want to scare off newcomers), and the other problems combined with this lead to a resounding 'no.'
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2012
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  2. Seriously? First of all, I'm guessing these "spankings" were not the kind that my uncle used to give me on my birthdays when I was a kid.

    The gay bar comment made me angry. I know PLENTY of gay folks who would NOT consent to watching me kink out, and some who, quite frankly, would be disturbed at the thought of many things my kinky friends and I are into. LGBTQ does NOT equal okay with ALL alternative sexualities.

    The issue with consent should NOT be there. It should be on a volunteer basis if at all.
  3. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    I know. The whole thing was very frustrating, and I'm glad the results were that they would not bring it back.
  4. Moonlight

    Moonlight Member

    Wow that would be.

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